Wedding Etiquette Forum

Victim of what I'm guessing will be a PPD

My H was asked to be a groomsmen in a wedding. Yay! Our STD came, we booked flights and an extra night at the (expensive) hotel so we could make the rehearsal. It is a Thursday and we are taking off from work to make it. H spent $190 (after a $40 off coupon) to rent a tux for the day. When H gets back from the bachelor party, he tells me the happy couple is actually getting married next week, and the thing we are invited to is an after the fact celebration. Well, that's cool, except
1. Why does H need to spend almost $200 on a tux to be a groomsmen for a wedding he isn't attending? He just paid all that money to wear a tux for a party, lame.
2. We took time off from work to make the rehearsal and make sure we were in the same hotel as the groom, in case he was feeling jittery and wanted to friends to hang out with. Wouldn't mind doing it, but we aren't doing it. Instead, we took time off and are spending money to rehearse a wedding that already happened and hang out with someone who shouldn't have any pre-wedding jitters because it is post-wedding.

If we had known this from the get-go, we could have saved $400 and a day-off from work. Are we still going to the party? Yep, we are happy for the happy couple and want to celebrate with them. Are we going to bitch about it? Not to them, not worth calling out a friend for decades over $400 and a wasted day off. All that being said, I am incredibly surprised and disappointed that they didn't think about their plans enough to realize how they would make us feel, and right now, the word prop and inconvenienced come to mind. I was really looking forward to their wedding, and now I feel like we've spent a lot of money to be disappointed. It is such a let down.

Just thought I'd share in case anyone else was thinking it would be okay to JOP it before the "wedding" so long as everyone invited knew. I wish we knew before we made plans, rented attire, booked travel, and so on. Finding out after the money was spent but before the "wedding" feels like a bait and switch. It is disappointing, and doesn't feel nice at all.
image

Re: Victim of what I'm guessing will be a PPD

  • Ick.  What was the reasoning they gave?  Or did they give any?
  • So I take it the guests don't know that this is fake either?
    image
  • They wanted a private romantic ceremony, so the are JOPing it with parents and siblings a month before the party. I'm fine with JOPing it and having a big party, I just think it is lame H had to rent a $200 tux to go to said party. I'm not sure if they are doing another ceremony day of, either way, still feel taken advantage of.
    image
  • I would ABSOLUTEY call them out on it.

    If anything, to find out why they have to get married "now" in private, but still feel the need to rehearse a ceremony that already occured in a few months.

    Oh, and I wouldn't go to the rehearsal.

     

  • I'd guess if there's a bridal party and attire, there will probably be a fake ceremony.  Lame.
  • Can you cancel the tux rental?
  • doeydo said:
    So I take it the guests don't know that this is fake either?
    I'm not sure. H said what we were invited to was "just the party" which makes me think they aren't having a fake day of party ceremony. BUT, if they aren't having a ceremony, what is the point of the rehearsal and the tuxes?
    image
  • They wanted a private romantic ceremony, so the are JOPing it with parents and siblings a month before the party. I'm fine with JOPing it and having a big party, I just think it is lame H had to rent a $200 tux to go to said party. I'm not sure if they are doing another ceremony day of, either way, still feel taken advantage of.

    Is it bad that I'm laughing at the concept of a "romantic" ceremony...with your parents and siblings there? Maybe they're just really close like that ;-)


  • itzMS said:
    They wanted a private romantic ceremony, so the are JOPing it with parents and siblings a month before the party. I'm fine with JOPing it and having a big party, I just think it is lame H had to rent a $200 tux to go to said party. I'm not sure if they are doing another ceremony day of, either way, still feel taken advantage of.

    Is it bad that I'm laughing at the concept of a "romantic" ceremony...with your parents and siblings there? Maybe they're just really close like that ;-)

    That's what H told me. To each their own? But yeah, my family is close, but to me a romantic dinner doesn't include my parents.
    image
  • If they're having a WP and RD, it's for sure a full on PPD.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Yeah, total PPD. Sorry about this :(
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image

  • doeydo said:
    So I take it the guests don't know that this is fake either?
    I'm not sure. H said what we were invited to was "just the party" which makes me think they aren't having a fake day of party ceremony. BUT, if they aren't having a ceremony, what is the point of the rehearsal and the tuxes?
    I was going to ask the same thing. That's some fraganackle bull.
  • That is lame that your H had to spend all that money just for a party. Oh speaking of PPD's.. on FB the other night I saw a comment on my  news feed that said "happy anniversary part 1" from a guy to his wife. They also had a PPD and lied to their friends about it. They think it is funny now.

    image 
  • I think you need to find out exactly whats happening. If hubby is a groomsman how can they not make it clear if its just a party or a fake ceremony? They also need to clarify what he should be wearing, what are the groom and other groomsmen wearing?
  • I have a dumb question. What does PPD stand for?
  • pretty princess day. because they want a "wedding" but only after they are legally a wife.
  • Ahh, got it. Thanks! 
  • i do not understand this.

     

    i tolerate PPDs slightly more than most people on these boards...i wouldn't be against the reception being like a real reception if they were already married (as long as this was the ONLY reception - i can't get behind this behavior if there is more than one reception), i'm not even against the bride wearing a gown and throwing a bouquet, etc (again, provided that there is only ONE reception total).  What i AM against is a staged, fake ceremony.  which is what it sounds like will be happening here.

     

    there would be absolutely no reason for your husband to rent a tux unless there was going to be a fake ceremony occurring.  a rehearsal (and rehearsal dinner) wouldn't be necessary if there wasn't going to be a fake ceremony either.

     

    wanting to have a small private ceremony is fine.  but having a small private ceremony and then insisting on inviting hundreds of people to a reception-only strikes me as wrong - so these people are good enough to buy you presents but not good enough to actually watch you get married?  also, having your guests watch a fake ceremony, as if you are giving them a consolation prize for not being invited to the original one, is extremely rude.

     

    I think probably the worst part is that this sounds like a Friday "wedding" - so people are taking time off from work to go WITNESS A FAKE CEREMONY??????  i could get behind a Friday reception-only, starting on the later side, so that people can just come over after work.  But if people are taking the day off and are told to arrive at 6 for the "ceremony" that is insane. 

     

    It just all sounds so inconsiderate.  We would have loved to do a Friday wedding to save some money...but since 80% of our guests are from flying-distance out of town, we decided to do Saturday so that it would be more convenient for them.  You have to at least OCCASSIONALLY consider your guests when you make these decisions.  Sigh.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards