SISTER VS. BFF MAID OF HONOR DILEMMA

Re: SISTER VS. BFF MAID OF HONOR DILEMMA

• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2013

  What is your MOH supposed to "contribute" ?  Whoever she is, all she's required to do is show up on time, in good spirits, dressed in the right dress.  She isn't required to "contribute" anything else, whether that's time, money, parties, help, or whatever.
  
  But I do understand that you'd rather have someone you feel really close to be your MOH, and if that's not your sister, it should be someone who is.  I think in your case, since your parents are paying and they're emotionally blackmailing you, I might let my sister be an, but not the only, MOH and make clear to your parents that you won't accept any money from them that comes with demands about who your attendants are, because that's a decision for you to make alone.
  
  And I'd be ready to give back any money they've given you and be prepared to pay for the entirety of the wedding without their assistance (and scale back plans if necessary) that comes with ultimatums attached.
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  June 2013

  I doubt your parents would make their contribution contingent on having "promoting" your sister to MOH. If they do, then you have to decide if you want to refuse the money on principle or just cave on this one.

  
  

  Just reiterate the explanation you've already told them (make sure there's no wine around) and confirm their support that this decision is important to you. It's a really big honor for your sister to be in the wedding at all - especially since you're not close - she doesn't have to be your MOH.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  June 2013

  Ditto Stage.  All of it.

  

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• AddieCake member

  

  June 2013

  I stopped reading at line 4 when you said your are not close with your sister. If you're not close with her, she shouldn't even be in your wedding party,let alone the maid of honor. 

  
  

  
  

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  June 2013

  kaitlync040 said:

  HI everyone!

  This is my first post and I need a little guidance. From the moment I got engaged I had a gut feeling and knew with all my heart I wanted my best friend of many years to be my maid of honor. Problem is I have only one sister. A sister with whom I am not close with. There is a 7 year age difference and due to some of her life choices we have grown apart. I am 27 and she is 20. She lives over 3 hours away from me. I love her as a sister, but not as a best friend. My best friend and I have been close since highschool.. we don't see each other on a regular basis but we talk daily and help each other with all aspects of our lives. I asked my BFF to be my MOH right away, and of course she gladly accepted and has already started to help me plan. I told my parents of my decision to have BFF vs. Sister and at first they were a little hesitant to the idea but then eventually understood my reasoning.  Last night out of the blue my parents confronted me (after a bottle of wine) stating that I needed to  "rethink" my wedding party. Saying that I should have two maids of honor. I really don't want to. They think I'm being stubborn. I think they are calling me stubborn cos I won't do what they ask.  My parents are helping with the cost of the wedding/reception ect........ Do I need to respect their wishes and have my sister as a maid of honor too? She would literally contribute nothing.. and, IDK i believe the title Maid of Honor is something to really be respected and honored.   If I do have two... I feel like I'm going against my strong beliefs on this one and backing down. If I go with my original choice of just my BFF I feel like there would be a huge elephant in the room and my parents would be upset with me.. HELP! anyone go though something similar????

  Have they threatened to withhold funds?
  

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• kaitlync040 member

  

  June 2013

  Thanks for all the input gals!

  I asked my sister to stand in as a MOH also, but not solely. I explained my reasoning and she was embarrassed my parents approached me like that- not her intention at all. I did drop the ball by not speaking to her first and foremost when I made my decision to go with my BFF. 

  
  

  It is our day (my fiance and I's) and I only intend on getting married once.. that being said I wouldn't cause a family rift forever over it.  If my parents continue to have "demands"(which I don't anticipate) I'd rather just not accept any financial help and do it ourselves~ again, thanks for all the advice!!!!

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• NOLAbridealmost member

  

  June 2013

  Glad you reached an acceptable arrangement. I just would like to add that I was co-MOH in my long-time childhood best friend's wedding and her sister was the other MOH and it worked out great.  It was a situation almost identical to yours; the bride asked me to do it immediately and then wanted to add her sister after feeling pressure from her family.  It didn't hurt my feelings at all (and as far as I know it didn't hurt the sister). I signed the marriage license and gave the MOH toast and the other MOH stood closest to the bride during the ceremony, held the bouquet, and did the blessing before the meal.

  
  Fatty Blog

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• cbonifant

  

  June 2013

  First of all, congratulations on your engagement! I hope that you have had a chance to step away from the MOH and family drama and celebrate this happy moment with your future husband! 

  
  

  Second of all, it sounds like you've made a decision that you're happy with, but I think others have been right to point out that this is probably not the last time you'll have to handle stressors like this one. Try to take everything in stride and go with your gut on big decisions. Then, stick to your guns! If you really feel strongly about something (like having your best friend standing by your side on your big day versus your sister who is of course happy for you but can't be there for you in the same way), then trust yourself and go with that feeling! If you're challenged by someone (like your parents), take a deep breath, explain your position calmly, and don't let the conversation escalate to the point of no return.

  
  

  Then go have a glass of wine with your best friend

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• StarArly member

  

  September 2013

  I know these posts were from a while ago but I'm going through something similar.

  7 year age difference and all!

  I'm probably not even going to have my sister in my bridal party. 

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• 88beautymarked member

  

  September 2013

  I only have 2 ladies that I'm close enough to to have as my BM's, my sister and my best friend since I was 11. I couldn't pick or choose between the two of them as to who would be the MOH and who wouldn't so I told both of them that they are both MOH and I'm lucky to have them both by my side on my wedding day. 

  
  

  And technically they are both married so it felt better to call them Matrons of Honor and not Bridesmaids. 

  My Planning Bio
  

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• WildMagelet member

  

  September 2013

  @StarArly - That is totally your choice.  Your BP should be made up of your nearest and dearest.

  
  

  @88beautymarked  I can see that.  All of our female BP members are like sisters to me (besides FI's daughter) so I just opted to not have a MOH and just have all BMs.

  
  

  This is another unfortunate thread victim from the recent bannings.  It looks like Stage gave some awesome advice earlier in this thread but future brides can't read it because the KGs deleted all of her posts!

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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