Unplugged Ceremony...Thoughts?

ohmrs2014 · October 2013

I found this article online (clicky) and it has me wondering if this is even acceptable to request. Don't get me wrong I love the idea and would like to consider it for my own wedding because of the location of the ceremony (it is in a Conservatory so the natural light is enough for the photographer to deal and work with). But obviously I don't want to do anything that is considered rude.

The post below (clicky) regarding keeping the doors shut after the ceremony because of lateness also seems to have me thinking of doing this, but I will talk to the venue about how they will handle lateness because obviously I don't want distractions during the ceremony.

misssunshine17 · October 2013

There was just a long thread about this a few days ago.

doeydo · October 2013

I don't mind the unplugged ceremony idea. I'm getting married outside so I have no way of "locking the doors", but if it was indoors I would want them locked because I couldn't imagine saying our vows and then all of a sudden someone tries to "sneak in", a door slams, and all heads turn.

KatWAG · October 2013

This article has been posted before. I am of the midset that you can't (shouldn't) tell your guests when or when not to use their phones/ cameras. Some of my favorite pictures, friends captured from their iPhones.

If someone is really concerned about it, talk to your photographer. I am pretty sure they are use to dealing with this. And if you are really REALLY concerned, hire a second shotter.

Before any one suggests it, there is no need for a cute sign or poem that says "be present" or "turn your phone off, the bride means it!"

Maggie0829 · October 2013

KatWAG said:

This article has been posted before. I am of the midset that you can't (shouldn't) tell your guests when or when not to use their phones/ cameras. Some of my favorite pictures, friends captured from their iPhones.

If someone is really concerned about it, talk to your photographer. I am pretty sure they are use to dealing with this. And if you are really REALLY concerned, hire a second shotter.

Before any one suggests it, there is no need for a cute sign or poem that says "be present" or "turn your phone off, the bride means it!"

This.

Also if you are really concerned you should look into ceremony venues which have a ban on photography by guests. But be careful because some ban photography completely, which includes your wedding photographer.

audubonbride2013 · October 2013

I read this when it was posted a few months ago. We were married in a Church and had a small note in our program to request no cell phone/camera use during the ceremony since it's a sacrament. That worked well for us.

My H also talked to his dad about it personally. His dad jumped in front of the professional photographer at his cousin's wedding a couple years ago while they were cutting the cake and then started an argument with the MOB about it. So my H and I were concerned about something like this happening at our wedding.

allispain · October 2013

As I mentioned in the recent thread about this, my mom was really pushing for me to do this (in fact, I think she may have spoken with her friends about it, since now that I think about it none of them took pictures at the wedding). However, I didn't want to ask our guests to go "unplugged" because to me that's like asking them to dress in a certain way - you're dictating their behavior for them, and no amount of cute poems is going to change that. With that said, as with a dress code, if your venue has certain restrictions, then guests do need to be made aware of that fact in a tactful manner.

Had we indeed gone unplugged, we would not now have a lovely video (shot my DH's stepdad) of the bulk of our ceremony, since we did not hire a videographer. Neither of us knew he would be shooting our vows and the exchange of rings, so it was a really nice surprise afterwards. It also allowed us to send that video to my grandfather, who was unable to attend our wedding due to his declining health. Had we had an unplugged wedding, he never would have gotten to see that video.

NYCBruin · October 2013

I feel like the general consensus is that this is a reasonable request so long as it's done correctly, such as a small note in the program or an announcement at the start of the ceremony.

And no crap about "being present" or any other nonsense. Just a simple "We respectfully request that you not take any photographs during the ceremony."

ohmrs2014 · October 2013

Thanks ladies, I just found the thread from earlier that a few of you mentioned about no photos during the ceremony.

doeydo · October 2013

They tell you to turn your phones off when you're at the movie theater. I don't see it as "rude". What if you didn't say anything and then someone's phone starting ringing in the middle of your ceremony?

manateehugger · October 2013

doeydo said:

They tell you to turn your phones off when you're at the movie theater. I don't see it as "rude". What if you didn't say anything and then someone's phone starting ringing in the middle of your ceremony?

Yes, but it's a voiceover politely requesting that people turn off their phones so that you will not disturb other viewers. That's why I think it's fine (but generally unnecessary) to have a small note in the program or have the officiant make a small request.

Movie theaters don't include demanding or obnoxious notes about "being in the moment." Most people are decent enough to turn off their phones during the ceremony. What if you do say something and a phone still rings during your ceremony?

ETA: It's the difference between a gentle reminder and an obnoxious demand.

doeydo · October 2013

PDKH said:

doeydo said:

They tell you to turn your phones off when you're at the movie theater. I don't see it as "rude". What if you didn't say anything and then someone's phone starting ringing in the middle of your ceremony?

Yes, but it's a voiceover politely requesting that people turn off their phones so that you will not disturb other viewers. That's why I think it's fine (but generally unnecessary) to have a small note in the program or have the officiant make a small request.

Movie theaters don't include demanding or obnoxious notes about "being in the moment." Most people are decent enough to turn off their phones during the ceremony. What if you do say something and a phone still rings during your ceremony?

ETA: It's the difference between a gentle reminder and an obnoxious demand.

Oh yes I agree. Put something in the program or something that simply says it without silly poems or whatnot.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

50ShadesofMe said:

I found this article online (clicky) and it has me wondering if this is even acceptable to request. Don't get me wrong I love the idea and would like to consider it for my own wedding because of the location of the ceremony (it is in a Conservatory so the natural light is enough for the photographer to deal and work with). But obviously I don't want to do anything that is considered rude.

The post below (clicky) regarding keeping the doors shut after the ceremony because of lateness also seems to have me thinking of doing this, but I will talk to the venue about how they will handle lateness because obviously I don't want distractions during the ceremony.

I can't stand the term "unplugged." To me it is just a clever term micromanaging brides use to try to sound like they aren't micromanaging people. I hate "fully present" even more.

I understand the privacy issue aspect of not wanting guests to be plastering pics of your private event all over Facebook, Instagram, etc. On the whole I think people share waaaaaaay too much of their personal lives and others on social media. So to solve this issue, what I would do is make my profile private if it isn't already, set it so that only friends can see your content and post on your timeline, and set it so that people cannot automatically tag you in photos or post anything on your timeline w/o you directly approving it.

As far as keeping your guests from taking photos during your ceremony, you can't. And I think most of these news stories that are posted where guests ruined the professional photography are bunk; the majority of wedding guests are not that obnoxious or disruptive and would certainly not repeatedly block the pros, and the pros should be able to avoid those situations.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

audubonbride2013 said:

I read this when it was posted a few months ago. We were married in a Church and had a small note in our program to request no cell phone/camera use during the ceremony since it's a sacrament. That worked well for us.

My H also talked to his dad about it personally. His dad jumped in front of the professional photographer at his cousin's wedding a couple years ago while they were cutting the cake and then started an argument with the MOB about it. So my H and I were concerned about something like this happening at our wedding.

So doesn't that mean that your professional photographer also shouldn't be taking pictures either, since the ceremony is a sacrament?

Did any of your guests disregard the note in the program and take photos anyways?

allispain · October 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

50ShadesofMe said:

I found this article online (clicky) and it has me wondering if this is even acceptable to request. Don't get me wrong I love the idea and would like to consider it for my own wedding because of the location of the ceremony (it is in a Conservatory so the natural light is enough for the photographer to deal and work with). But obviously I don't want to do anything that is considered rude.

The post below (clicky) regarding keeping the doors shut after the ceremony because of lateness also seems to have me thinking of doing this, but I will talk to the venue about how they will handle lateness because obviously I don't want distractions during the ceremony.

I can't stand the term "unplugged." To me it is just a clever term micromanaging brides use to try to sound like they aren't micromanaging people. I hate "fully present" even more.

I understand the privacy issue aspect of not wanting guests to be plastering pics of your private event all over Facebook, Instagram, etc. On the whole I think people share waaaaaaay too much of their personal lives and others on social media. So to solve this issue, what I would do is make my profile private if it isn't already, set it so that only friends can see your content and post on your timeline, and set it so that people cannot automatically tag you in photos or post anything on your timeline w/o you directly approving it.

As far as keeping your guests from taking photos during your ceremony, you can't. And I think most of these news stories that are posted where guests ruined the professional photography are bunk; the majority of wedding guests are not that obnoxious or disruptive and would certainly not repeatedly block the pros, and the pros should be able to avoid those situations.

I agree with this for the most part - I'm sure it happens sometimes, but I don't think it's exactly a chronic issue at weddings. In fact, I've been to multiple weddings where the photographers were so obnoxiously close to the B+G that guests couldn't see what was going on (like the wedding where the photographer stood maybe 3 feet away from them during the exchange of rings and the first kiss - I doubt even their parents were able to see what was going on.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

Oh BTW, my comments were not directed right at 50shadesofme, I was just complaining in general :-P

NYCBruin · October 2013

allispain said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

50ShadesofMe said:

I found this article online (clicky) and it has me wondering if this is even acceptable to request. Don't get me wrong I love the idea and would like to consider it for my own wedding because of the location of the ceremony (it is in a Conservatory so the natural light is enough for the photographer to deal and work with). But obviously I don't want to do anything that is considered rude.

The post below (clicky) regarding keeping the doors shut after the ceremony because of lateness also seems to have me thinking of doing this, but I will talk to the venue about how they will handle lateness because obviously I don't want distractions during the ceremony.

I can't stand the term "unplugged." To me it is just a clever term micromanaging brides use to try to sound like they aren't micromanaging people. I hate "fully present" even more.

I understand the privacy issue aspect of not wanting guests to be plastering pics of your private event all over Facebook, Instagram, etc. On the whole I think people share waaaaaaay too much of their personal lives and others on social media. So to solve this issue, what I would do is make my profile private if it isn't already, set it so that only friends can see your content and post on your timeline, and set it so that people cannot automatically tag you in photos or post anything on your timeline w/o you directly approving it.

As far as keeping your guests from taking photos during your ceremony, you can't. And I think most of these news stories that are posted where guests ruined the professional photography are bunk; the majority of wedding guests are not that obnoxious or disruptive and would certainly not repeatedly block the pros, and the pros should be able to avoid those situations.

I agree with this for the most part - I'm sure it happens sometimes, but I don't think it's exactly a chronic issue at weddings. In fact, I've been to multiple weddings where the photographers were so obnoxiously close to the B+G that guests couldn't see what was going on (like the wedding where the photographer stood maybe 3 feet away from them during the exchange of rings and the first kiss - I doubt even their parents were able to see what was going on.

I agree with this. On the other hand, I probably won't even notice on my wedding day, but I personally HATE when there are a lot of snap happy guests at weddings. It's distracting, annoying, and sometimes they block my view. Seriously, the last two weddings I was at there was a constant "snap, snap, snap" and people half-standing or raising their arms to get photos. It was super annoying.

WonderRed · October 2013

I'm dumbfounded that guests are rude enough to stand in the aisle during a ceremony. People actually do that?! It's not a kindergarten play, for the love of Pete. I never thought about it until I read this but it makes perfect sense. I'm more concerned (that may be a strong word... I would be really annoyed, at worst) about people posting wedding pictures of us on FB directly from the ceremony or reception. FI and I should get to make that reveal to the public ourselves when we're ready. I think most of our friends have enough common sense to respect this though. I hope.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

Well the note in the program will not work for me or any other guests who don't read the programs. Generally when I go to weddings I skip over the programs. I just don't see a point in them so I don't feel the need to grab one.

Also, maybe this is just me, but when I go to weddings and want to snap pictures, I take into account where the professional photographer is and try to take pictures in between when they are taking pictures so I don't screw any of theirs up.

Finally, some of my very favorite shots were taken by guests. One of our guests even took it upon himself to video the ceremony which was really nice since we didn't hire a videographer.

I think that if you have guests who may go crazy and start jumping into the aisle, then maybe it would be best to rope off the aisle with decorative ribbon and such so that guests can't go into the aisle.

melbelleup · October 2013

I like the idea, but it wouldn't work for my family. I will have a note in my program saying no flash photography as this is a sacrament... my church doesn't allow flash photography though. That's the only reason I'm putting it in there. Most likely my priest will make an announcement saying please turn all phones on vibrate/off and no flash photography is allowed. (in a nice, polite way)

KatWAG · October 2013

melbelleup said:

I like the idea, but it wouldn't work for my family. I will have a note in my program saying no flash photography as this is a sacrament... my church doesn't allow flash photography though. That's the only reason I'm putting it in there. Most likely my priest will make an announcement saying please turn all phones on vibrate/off and no flash photography is allowed. (in a nice, polite way)

So since its a sacrament, your professional photogrpaher wont be able to use a flash either right?

Also, I am not Catholics but I dont know what a flash has to do with it being a sacrament? I have seen plenty of flash photography at baptisms.

NYCBruin · October 2013

KatWAG said:

melbelleup said:

I like the idea, but it wouldn't work for my family. I will have a note in my program saying no flash photography as this is a sacrament... my church doesn't allow flash photography though. That's the only reason I'm putting it in there. Most likely my priest will make an announcement saying please turn all phones on vibrate/off and no flash photography is allowed. (in a nice, polite way)

So since its a sacrament, your professional photogrpaher wont be able to use a flash either right?

Also, I am not Catholics but I dont know what a flash has to do with it being a sacrament? I have seen plenty of flash photography at baptisms.

I'm guessing this is a parish/priest specific rule. Flashes are distracting. There are professional cameras that don't need a flash to capture enough light.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

What @NYCBruin said. The "no flash photography" is a church by church rule. Some churches don't even allow professional photographers to take pictures or only allow the photographer at the back of the aisle or somewhere else far away from the alter. And a photographer should have a high quality camera where a flash is unnecessary.

emmyg65 · October 2013

I discussed this a bit on the other post, but we had a note in our programs that said "Kindly refrain from taking photos during the ceremony." We did this because of the religious nature of our ceremony, which was focused on building a community and giving all present a chance to listen to their heart (it was a Quaker ceremony). We did still have a professional photographer, who is a vendor and not part of our community, and we spoke with her about being as unobtrusive as possible during the ceremony.

I think that regardless of where or how you get married, there's nothing wrong with politely requesting that people not take photos. A note on your programs or a comment from your officiant is fine. Though I also agree that it's silly to say the "being present" stuff (because that's judgy), or police people (because seriously? that's rude), or whatever.

melbelleup · October 2013

KatWAG said:

melbelleup said:

I like the idea, but it wouldn't work for my family. I will have a note in my program saying no flash photography as this is a sacrament... my church doesn't allow flash photography though. That's the only reason I'm putting it in there. Most likely my priest will make an announcement saying please turn all phones on vibrate/off and no flash photography is allowed. (in a nice, polite way)

So since its a sacrament, your professional photogrpaher wont be able to use a flash either right?

Also, I am not Catholics but I dont know what a flash has to do with it being a sacrament? I have seen plenty of flash photography at baptisms.

Yep. You're right. No flash includes photographer. It's actually their outline for the photographer.

ETA: Here's their rules, just so you can see how my church works...

The taking of pictures and videos in the church during the ceremony is permitted as long as the photographer and/or videographer respect the sacredness of the ceremony and do not disturb the prayerful movement of the liturgy.

Special areas are designated for the photographer and videographer. The parish wedding coordinator will supervise this aspect of the wedding.

Normally, there is a two hour time limit from the scheduled start of the wedding in which the wedding party must be out of the church. However, if the wedding is scheduled for 1:30 p.m., the wedding party must be out of the church by 3:30 p.m., with no exceptions, due to the regular Saturday evening Masses at 4 p.m.

The following rules and suggestions for photographers and videographers will help them better understand what our parish is asking of them for your wedding. To make this day more special, we need to work together to provide and record a meaningful religious experience. The photographer/videographer should not disturb the prayerful movement of the liturgy.

The following rules apply:

Pictures/videos may be taken at any time during the wedding ceremony as long as the sacredness of the ceremony is respected, however:

1. No flash pictures may be taken during the ceremony.

2. You may not stand in the sanctuary at any time.

3. Equipment may not be stored in the main body of the church.

4. The church provides a wedding coordinator who will let you know where you may or may not stand and where you may set up equipment during the ceremony. If you have any questions, please ask. It is better to clarify before the wedding than cause any disturbance during the ceremony.

5. Pictures/videos may be taken before the ceremony of the bride and groom (either separately or together).

6. Posed photographs should be completed at least 45 minutes prior to the scheduled start to avoid last-minute confusion.

7. Pictures/videos may be taken in the church after the ceremony. The wedding party needs to be out of the church two hours after the scheduled start of the wedding. For a 1:30 p.m. wedding, the wedding party must be out by 3:30 p.m. due to a 4 p.m. Mass time).

8. Liturgical furnishings are not to be moved for any reason.

9. Videographers may not attach or place any microphones of any kind next to existing parish microphones.

16maybeless · October 2013

One venue we looked at (a museum) requested no flash photography in the ceremony space. It was one of the reasons we didn't choose it, because there was very little natural light and I was concerned that the photog wouldn't be able to use a light meter or flash.

I actually kind of hope our guests take tons of photos. When someone takes a picture, they're capturing a permanent memory of a time they enjoyed. Just ... no silly hashtags on Instagram for me.

Unplugged Ceremony...Thoughts?

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