• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Marketing your wedding Re-Do: Managing the "real" wedding: The Church

13»

Re: Marketing your wedding Re-Do: Managing the "real" wedding: The Church

  • Getting married is a major life step worth celebrating.  Putting on a white dress is not.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    [Deleted User]grumbledoreNYCMercedes[Deleted User]
  • classyduckclassyduck member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    AroundTheBlock for elaborating. BTW you are now my hero! Did you actually study etiquette, or are you just brilliant? 

    To distill this down (as I have come to understand it):
    @faithall said:
    So, it's perfectly acceptable for a bride to want a proper wedding and gifts and the full trappings before she is legally wed....
    And the response is YES, it is acceptable, but ONLY because society as a whole has chosen to forgive the expectations of gifts and "trappings" specifically for BRIDES. But in general, at most other parties and celebrations, it is rude to expect your guests to shower you with gifts.

    You may be celebrating the same thing (a wedding) but in a different context, and the same rules don't apply. And this is why it took me a lot of thought to really wrap my head around the seeming contradiction here. But really, people forgive brides for their "rudeness" because they are BRIDES, and the social convention is to be tolerant of them. (credit: @AroundTheBlock). So the distinction really does make a difference in society's eye. 

    And when it comes down to it, etiquette is simply a set of social rules determined by consensus of the society you live in. It isn't an equation that has to balance or make logical sense. Wedding celebration of one type =/= to a celebration of marriage of another type. I really fought against this, and it still feels hypocritical, but, there it is. If anyone has any comments to modify or refute this, I'd love to hear them.
    pbi9994
  • classyduckclassyduck member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    @grumbledore -- well, pedantic, maybe I'm guilty of :) But I try hard not to be disingenuous!

    I'm quickly falling in love with this board -- not because I have anything meaningful to contribute but because of how much I'm learning. I'll be the first to admit I have a long way to go in understanding the nuance of etiquette.

    When I was younger, I was embarrassed for not bringing a gift to a wedding. To hear you say that it is, in fact, rude of the bride to expect a gift, is a surprise. My understanding was always that it was rude for a GUEST not to bring a gift, considering the expense of hosting each guest. I've mentioned in other threads... much of my etiquette comes from my German mother, and I'm finding more and more that it does differ from American customs. Can you clarify?

    If I could clarify one position though -- I did not  mean that it was polite to expect gifts, I said it was "accepted." I seriously doubt there are many Americans that raise eyebrows and scoff anymore when they see information about gift registries on invitations. As you point out, it is NOT polite, by any stretch, but accepted? Perhaps.

    I regret that any of my discussion sounded like encouragement of poor hospitality. I am personally rethinking a TON of my previous assumptions on weddings, and would never want to encourage someone to be inhospitable.
    AroundTheBlock
  • classyduckclassyduck member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    Also, please, I wanted to point out that @AroundTheBlock stated "I was careful, when I got to my advice section, NOT to limit my advice to do-overs." So, if I have misrepresented her, please criticize me alone, and not her. I really feel that if you reread her original post (damnit how do you permalink), her advice is impeccable.
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    @grumbledore -- well, pedantic, maybe I'm guilty of :) But I try hard not to be disingenuous!

    I'm quickly falling in love with this board -- not because I have anything meaningful to contribute but because of how much I'm learning. I'll be the first to admit I have a long way to go in understanding the nuance of etiquette.

    When I was younger, I was embarrassed for not bringing a gift to a wedding. To hear you say that it is, in fact, rude of the bride to expect a gift, is a surprise. My understanding was always that it was rude for a GUEST not to bring a gift, considering the expense of hosting each guest. I've mentioned in other threads... much of my etiquette comes from my German mother, and I'm finding more and more that it does differ from American customs. Can you clarify?

    If I could clarify one position though -- I did not  mean that it was polite to expect gifts, I said it was "accepted." I seriously doubt there are many Americans that raise eyebrows and scoff anymore when they see information about gift registries on invitations. As you point out, it is NOT polite, by any stretch, but accepted? Perhaps.

    I regret that any of my discussion sounded like encouragement of poor hospitality. I am personally rethinking a TON of my previous assumptions on weddings, and would never want to encourage someone to be inhospitable.
    Posters here argue that registry information on invitations are rude, gift grabby, and tacky. Spend more time lurking. Every reg here started as a newb. Seriously, none of them will tell you that they were etiquette experts before they joined TK.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Posters here argue that registry information on invitations are rude, gift grabby, and tacky. Spend more time lurking. Every reg here started as a newb. Seriously, none of them will tell you that they were etiquette experts before they joined TK.
    Thank you. I will definitely try and read/listen more. :) As I said, just browsing, I've learned a ton. I learn even more by participating in the dialogue, but I hope people will forgive my naivete to begin with.

    I always thought registry info was acceptable, because I've seen it several times on wedding invites I've gotten. I'm pleased to find that this is not necessarily the case. I hope allusions to this in my previous posts will be "stricken" and forgiven -- and forgotten by those looking for advice.
    Dreamergirl8812
13»
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards