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Etiquette

Bridesmaid gifts--- did I spend enough?

lovelyxloloxlovelyxlolox member
Sixth Anniversary
edited September 2013 in Etiquette
Hi everyone,

For my 5 bridesmaids , 1 jr bridesmaid and a flower girl I got them:

- a pashmina shawl to wear at the wedding
- a string or real fresh water pearls with a matching bracelet and stud earrings to wear at the wedding
- and an Alex and Ani charm bracelet.

The reason why I am asking is because one of my bridesmaids gave me a TON of stuff when I was in her wedding. She got her 5 bridesmaids the following:
- flip flops
- a bath robe to wear while getting ready
- a solitaire pearl necklace
- a couple of small hand bags
- a small bottle of champaign

I don't know if I got them enough... Please help!!!

Re: Bridesmaid gifts--- did I spend enough?

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hi everyone, For my 5 bridesmaids , 1 jr bridesmaid and a flower girl I got them: 
    - a pashmina shawl to wear at the wedding This actually doesn't count as a "gift" because it is part of their uniform for your wedding.
    - a string or real fresh water pearls with a matching bracelet and stud earrings to wear at the wedding Same as the shawl.
    - and an Alex and Ani charm bracelet. Since this is not to be worn at your wedding, this sounds fine.
    The reason why I am asking is because one of my bridesmaids gave me a TON of stuff when I was in her wedding. She got her 5 bridesmaids the following:
     - flip flops
     - a bath robe to wear while getting ready
     - a solitaire pearl necklace 
    - a couple of small hand bags
     - a small bottle of champaign I don't know if I got them enough... Please help!!
    *Stuck in box*  
    You could get one more thing for each bridesmaid that is personalized to their tastes and interests, as if you were birthday shopping.
    image
    lovelyxloloxmelbelleupBlue_Bird
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The pashmina and pearls aren't gifts if you expect them to wear them at the wedding. They're part of the uniform, and you're supposed to pay for that stuff anyway.  The charm bracelet sounds fine, if you're certain that it's something that fits their personalities and would love. I personally hate them so it would be wasted on me.  You should probably add something more personal to each of them, like a gift card to their favorite store or something that reflects a hobby or passion of theirs.
    lovelyxloloxmelbelleup
  • I shopped for mine like I was buying a birthday gift. 2 of my girls got silver jewelry boxes with their names engraved on them. And since my MOH isn't big on jewelry, I paid for half of a tattoo she really wanted.

    Keep in mind that it isn't a competition. You bought my girls what I could afford to. And yes I paid for the jewelry they word at the wedding but it wasn't part of their gift. It was because I saw a necklace I really liked and thought it would look good with their dresses. So I bought them all one. I gave them the necklace completely separate from their other gifts. Also as long as its a thoughtful gift you think they will like the price shouldn't matter that much
  • Sorry for the typos. I'm on my phone :/
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hi everyone, For my 5 bridesmaids , 1 jr bridesmaid and a flower girl I got them: - a pashmina shawl to wear at the wedding - a string or real fresh water pearls with a matching bracelet and stud earrings to wear at the wedding - and an Alex and Ani charm bracelet. The reason why I am asking is because one of my bridesmaids gave me a TON of stuff when I was in her wedding. She got her 5 bridesmaids the following: - flip flops - a bath robe to wear while getting ready - a solitaire pearl necklace - a couple of small hand bags - a small bottle of champaign I don't know if I got them enough... Please help!!!
    OP - It's not about the amount of money you spend on your BMs.  It's about buying thoughtful, non-wedding related gifts that you know each girl would like.  

    Pashminas and matching pearls are for YOU.  They complete a look you want to have that day.  That is not thoughtful and is obviously wedding related.   

    The charm bracelet is non-wedding related, but if all the girls are getting it, it doesn't sound very thoughtful because they're all getting the same thing!

    You should shop like it's their birthday.  Gifts don't have to be equal in value or identical.  I would much rather know that the bride picked out something she knew I would love even if it was something small than to get a generic "gift" that all the BMs are getting.  You can spend all the money in the world on a gift, but if you don't put some thought into it you might as well consider it wasted.  
    RebeccaB88Blue_BirdAroundTheBlock
  • Getting your BMs gifts isn't about the amount of money you spent to buy them, it's about the thought you put into picking them out. For the record, anything that is meant to be worn on your wedding day does not count as a gift to your BMs - this includes jewelry, clutches, shawls, and any other accessories.

    I got each of my BMs a picture frame that was kind of cheesy because it was wedding related, but I knew it was exactly the kind of thing they would each enjoy. However, I also got them each something personal (we all go wine tasting together) which was a bottle of nice wine suited to each one's individual taste. I then wrote them each a letter to thank them for standing up with me. In total, it was a good mix of things related to the wedding (note and cheesy picture frame) as well as something personalized.
    image
  • Yeah, I don't really think "gifts" for the wedding are actual gifts.
  • If it's meant for your wedding, it's not a gift, it's a costume piece. I would return the pearl sets (Stepford Wives, much?) and get them something they would buy for themselves, not related to your wedding.

  • The gifts you received from one of your BMs sucked.  Don't use her gifts as an example by any means.  I would try to add something to your current gift (which is really just the charm as the rest is used for the wedding) of something they'd each individually like.


  • agree-- the things are great thoughts and I'm sure your friends will appreciate them but since they are for YOUR wedding, they are not gifts really.  Will they use those things after the wedding?  Tack on something individual for each of them they would personally enjoy after the wedding and you are good to go.  It does not matter how much you spend, its always the thought that counts.  
    image

    Anniversary
    melbelleup
  • Here is what I'm doing.  I am spreading out my gifts over the length of my engagement.  I gave them silver picture frames that said "Will you be My bridesmaid?" inside it when I asked them.  I figure they can all use simple classic picture frames for whatever they would like.  

    Then I am giving them Kate Spade idiom bangles at the bridal brunch which I'll host at a nice restaurant to say thank you.  These I would like for them to wear to the wedding, so I agree with the above posters that this is only a quasi gift.  However, everyone can use a gold bangle bracelet in their jewelry collection.

    Next I plan on thanking them for hosting my shower by giving them fancy chocolates from a local shop.  

    Finally, at the rehearsal dinner I plan to give them robes to get ready in.  Nothing embroidered or in the wedding colors.  Something luxurious and soft that they can use long after the wedding.   

    When you spread the gifts out over time, it doesn't hurt your pocketbook. 
  • I kept my bridal party small (my two sisters were my co-MOHs and my good friend the bridesmaid).  I personally feel that a bride's gift(s) to her bridesmaids should at least exceed what the bridesmaid spent being in the bride's wedding (dress, bridal shower, hair, makeup).  I knew all three girls so well that it was easy to select unique, special gifts for each of them...I treated the shopping as though it was their birthday or Christmas- none of the gifts were wedding-related (certainly nothing they had to wear on wedding day, that's not a gift it's part of the uniform).

    Some ideas that were appreciated: gift cards to their favorite restaurants, gift certificates to their favorite spa for a massage and/or facial, a season of their favorite TV show on DVD, a pair of boots one of my sisters really wanted but didn't buy bc of the price while we were out shopping a month or so before the wedding, magazine subscription to a favorite magazine, etc.  Assuming you're very close with all of your bridesmaids, it should be really easy to find great gifts for them.  And most important: a heartfelt, hand-written thank you card.

    Good luck and happy shopping! Congrats on your wedding in advance! :)

    KeptInStitches
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited October 2013
    scowie15 said:
    Here is what I'm doing.  I am spreading out my gifts over the length of my engagement.  I gave them silver picture frames that said "Will you be My bridesmaid?" inside it when I asked them.  I figure they can all use simple classic picture frames for whatever they would like.  

    Then I am giving them Kate Spade idiom bangles at the bridal brunch which I'll host at a nice restaurant to say thank you.  These I would like for them to wear to the wedding, so I agree with the above posters that this is only a quasi gift.  However, everyone can use a gold bangle bracelet in their jewelry collection.

    Next I plan on thanking them for hosting my shower by giving them fancy chocolates from a local shop.  

    Finally, at the rehearsal dinner I plan to give them robes to get ready in.  Nothing embroidered or in the wedding colors.  Something luxurious and soft that they can use long after the wedding.   

    When you spread the gifts out over time, it doesn't hurt your pocketbook. 
    Not to be argumentative, because I don't have a problem with any of your gifts (thought I guess none of them are really personal), but no, not everyone has use for a gold bangle bracelet. I don't wear gold jewelry.



    Also, I know I've mentioned this before, but bridesmaid gifts, as with any gift, should never be an expectation or requirement. I would also much rather you pay for my hair or makeup than gift me a gift (which usually isn't personal anyway).

    Anniversary
  • I hate when the bride gives you a "gift" of jewelry or something to wear at the wedding, especially if it is not at ALL your taste. My sis-in-law did that, and I'm still annoyed. 

    One of my best friends, however, gave all the bridesmaids jewelry for the bridesmaids gifts as well. Except, she picked out jewelry that she thought each of us would like individually. One was pearls, on was a delicate chain and stud earrings, one was a chunky silver necklace and hoop earrings, etc. She was pretty spot-on with each of our tastes. I actually still wear my earrings regularly like 6 years later!


    Personally, I think something like a good bottle of wine would be a great gift to a bridesmaid. Much better than something that would sit around and never get used again!
    eileenrob
  • I actually have started looking at what I would get my BMs. Though my friends and I don't exchange Christmas or birthday gifts, I know hobbies of theirs and things they like. As a former BM, I hated when brides gave me a gift without thought of who I am vs what they perceive me to be. I wear the necklaces I have received as BMs long after the wedding but they weren't pieces I would have picked for myself
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
    eileenrob
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    ashleyep said:
    scowie15 said:
    Here is what I'm doing.  I am spreading out my gifts over the length of my engagement.  I gave them silver picture frames that said "Will you be My bridesmaid?" inside it when I asked them.  I figure they can all use simple classic picture frames for whatever they would like.  

    Then I am giving them Kate Spade idiom bangles at the bridal brunch which I'll host at a nice restaurant to say thank you.  These I would like for them to wear to the wedding, so I agree with the above posters that this is only a quasi gift.  However, everyone can use a gold bangle bracelet in their jewelry collection.

    Next I plan on thanking them for hosting my shower by giving them fancy chocolates from a local shop.  

    Finally, at the rehearsal dinner I plan to give them robes to get ready in.  Nothing embroidered or in the wedding colors.  Something luxurious and soft that they can use long after the wedding.   

    When you spread the gifts out over time, it doesn't hurt your pocketbook. 
    Not to be argumentative, because I don't have a problem with any of your gifts (thought I guess none of them are really personal), but no, not everyone has use for a gold bangle bracelet. I don't wear gold jewelry.

    And I don't wear bracelets.



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