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How would you handle this?

katieg520katieg520 member
First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Snarky Brides
So when Jesse and I started planning the wedding and choosing vendors, etc. I had just assumed we would pay for certain things. His mom had previously offered to pay for the photographer, but to keep a long story short, she kinda flipped out one day and I just assumed I would pay for the photographer from there on out because it was just easier on everyone. Well, I found a photographer, paid the deposit, signed the contract, etc. I chose the bakery, designed the cake and paid that deposit. Well, a month later his mom insists she pay for the cake and the photographer. I told her not to worry about it because we had already taken care of those things. She gets on the phone with Jesse and asks how much the deposits were and he told her... ugh. She sends me a check to cover those deposits and insists she take over payments from there. She asked me to send her the info for both of those vendors and told me not to worry, they would be paid well before the wedding. I was extremely thankful and made sure she was aware that it was unexpected, but nevertheless, very much appreciated. Here we are a couple months later. Would you ask her if she's made payments or would you just assume she's paying or still planning to pay? I really hope I told this in enough detail...
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Re: How would you handle this?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Honestly, I would have never accepted her money in the first place.  She already showed you once that she was very willing to easily back out of paying for the photographer so what makes you think she won't do it again.

    But I will say, that since you signed both contracts with the baker and the photographer I am pretty sure that if payments weren't being made they would be calling you up looking for their money.

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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would ask the photographer & baker what the schedule was and ensure that they'll reach you if a payment isn't met. It doesn't hurt to play it safe in this situation.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Call the vendors directly. Ensure the cake is still what you want and ask if there's a balance. Ensure the photography package is still the same, s/he has the list of photos you want and your schedule and ask if there's a balance. There's your answer.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs. Contact the vendors directly. 
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kss20 said:

    Go to the source.  Double check with the baker/photog.  She'll never know you were checking in on things. :)

    This is what I would do as well - just check with the vendors.

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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks!
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  • allispainallispain member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Call the vendors directly. Ensure the cake is still what you want and ask if there's a balance. Ensure the photography package is still the same, s/he has the list of photos you want and your schedule and ask if there's a balance. There's your answer.
    This is what I was going to suggest as well - not only does it let you check-in regarding payment, but you can also make sure that your FMIL hasn't made any changes to what you had requested.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Call the vendors directly. Ensure the cake is still what you want and ask if there's a balance. Ensure the photography package is still the same, s/he has the list of photos you want and your schedule and ask if there's a balance. There's your answer.
    I agree with asking vendors.  And let the vendors know that you would like to be contacted ASAP if there are any late payments.  And let them know that you will not authorize anyone other yourself to make any changes to the items you have ordered. I'm sure most won't try to be sneaky and make changes behind your back, but I know there are some people out there that think if they pay then they should get to make the decisions. I'm assuming that since you made the down payments that you are on the contracts, and not your FMIL.  

    We have told both our parents that we intend to pay for our wedding ourselves.  We just want them to help make sure our siblings get there, since it is out of town wedding.  We are starting to get them saying that they want to chip in or pay for this and that.  I understand that they want to be involved and it helps them feel needed and more included.  We've made it very clear that we don't "need" the help, we are paying for everything cash and not going into debt over the wedding (using no credit cards at all), and we can afford the wedding we actually want.  But, I think they don't feel right about not helping pay for it, especially since traditionally they are supposed to pay for it. I think they feel that this may be the last time they will be needed, because after this we belong to our spouse, are real official adults, and we aren't their little kids anymore. They actually need it more than we do... not that it doesn't help to have some of the cost reduced. 

    My opinion on it is that as long as they don't try to make us go with what THEY want, instead of what WE want, because they are paying for it, I'm fine with the help and greatly appreciate it. And if they try to push us toward their choices or make things difficult, we will kindly decline their help.

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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @nicoann I agree with you. Good thing is I had already placed orders and signed contracts with the vendors, so it was completely my choice.
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  • mimiphinmimiphin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    I always worry about having friends doing things for my wedding. I know this may not be an issue but I feel that I don't have the same level of professionalism as I am worried about my relationship with them after. I had 2 friends both use one of their friends for photos (as a gift mind you) one waited over a year for them and the other took 9 months to get the photos.

    I like keeping contracts and friends seprate.  I also like being able to bitch someone out who isn't following the contract.   

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