Would you be ok if your fiance wanted a girl (friend) at his bachelor party?

itzMS · October 2013

It boggles my mind that an adult woman can't conduct herself...or trust her FI to conduct himself...with members of the opposite sex in a manner that isn't flirtatious.

Sad life to lead.

grumbledore · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

katieg520 said:

itzMS said:

katieg520 said:

HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.

So I'm assuming you can only be friends with females?
Wow, what a poor attitude...

In my experience in my life, yes. Yep, I have trust issues, and nope, I don't tend to like girls who hang around my fiance. I don't trust them. If you're spending more time with him than me, wtf do you need to know from him that you can't ask me.

And no, I wouldn't. But I don't have guy friends and don't allow males to think I am more than just an acquaintance. If I have a question for a male, I either direction the question to his gf or so or ask my fiance to ask the question. I do not open myself up for any male to think I am flirting in any sort of way out of respect to my future husband. I would expect him to do the same.

I know a lot of other women who agree with me, and I don't expect to change anyone's minds, and you certainly won't change mine.

This response is nuts. NUTS!! I see you have a daughter/future step-daughter. Do you plan to restrict her friendships too?

Just because you have trust issues (I'm truly sorry for whatever happened to you that created this issue), doesn't mean your husband or anyone else has the same problems. And to limit others' friendships because you have some unresolved issues is super controlling and crazy!

In my experience women who try to put a short leash on their men often have the opposite effect than they want. All their control and distrust makes their partner MORE likely to actually commit infidelity than if they were "allowed" to be friends with whoever they wanted in the first place. Just a thought.

All of this. Every word.

jneen101 · October 2013

If I have a question for a male, I either direction the question to his gf or so or ask my fiance to ask the question.

This seems like a lot of unnecessary steps. It's also hilarious.

Blue_Bird · October 2013

jneen101 said:

If I have a question for a male, I either direction the question to his gf or so or ask my fiance to ask the question.

This seems like a lot of unnecessary steps. It's also hilarious.

Agreed. That is just absolutely psycho. Perhaps she has some super-restrictive religious background. That's the only semi-logical explanation for this behavior IMO.

jneen101 · October 2013

What about in the workplace? Are these men allowed to speak to females in the workplace or must they communicate at work through a male messenger?

kitty8403 · October 2013

Blue_Bird said:

jneen101 said:

If I have a question for a male, I either direction the question to his gf or so or ask my fiance to ask the question.

This seems like a lot of unnecessary steps. It's also hilarious.

Agreed. That is just absolutely psycho. Perhaps she has some super-restrictive religious background. That's the only semi-logical explanation for this behavior IMO.
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I can think of a few strict religious circles around the globe where this might be considered a normal perspective on male/female interactions. Otherwise, I'm rather at a loss.

I don't mind FI hanging out with women, he's a big boy, but I admit I'd be confused if one came to his Bach party, unless we were doing a jack & Jill thing. Isn't the whole point for him to spend a night doing "man stuff" and for us to spend the same time doing "girl stuff"?

kgd7357 · October 2013

I totally agree with @kitty8403. I wouldn't be bothered if one of my FI's female friends went to his Bach party. However, it would be weird. Do they really want to watch 15 dudes get drunk at a strip club. I asked my MOH to include his 2 close female friends on my Bachelorette party invite (although they live far away and probaby can't make it). My male roommate and best friend from work (also male), are both going to my FI's Vegas bach party. They have no interest in getting pedicures and girly gossip.

Bottom line: It's weird, but not out of line for her to go.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

kgd7357 said:

I totally agree with @kitty8403. I wouldn't be bothered if one of my FI's female friends went to his Bach party. However, it would be weird. Do they really want to watch 15 dudes get drunk at a strip club. I asked my MOH to include his 2 close female friends on my Bachelorette party invite (although they live far away and probaby can't make it). My male roommate and best friend from work (also male), are both going to my FI's Vegas bach party. They have no interest in getting pedicures and girly gossip.

Bottom line: It's weird, but not out of line for her to go.

For the record.... not all guys get wasted and go to strip clubs for their bach. DH has been in A LOT of weddings and although that's popular, he's been on charter fishing trips, golf outings, bar crawls, camping, etc. Some men have more of an imagination than the cliche booze and naked chicks...

grumbledore · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

kgd7357 said:

I totally agree with @kitty8403. I wouldn't be bothered if one of my FI's female friends went to his Bach party. However, it would be weird. Do they really want to watch 15 dudes get drunk at a strip club. I asked my MOH to include his 2 close female friends on my Bachelorette party invite (although they live far away and probaby can't make it). My male roommate and best friend from work (also male), are both going to my FI's Vegas bach party. They have no interest in getting pedicures and girly gossip.

Bottom line: It's weird, but not out of line for her to go.

For the record.... not all guys get wasted and go to strip clubs for their bach. DH has been in A LOT of weddings and although that's popular, he's been on charter fishing trips, golf outings, bar crawls, camping, etc. Some men have more of an imagination than the cliche booze and naked chicks...

This.

kgd7357 · October 2013

I think it depends on the girl. I wouldn't want to be the only girl on a boys fishing or camping trip either. I just don't think it's the norm. I would much rather do those things in a mixed crowd. Who could I borrow a tampon from! (That was a joke if you can't tell). But to each their own.

MrsRadke · October 2013

Personally, as the number one woman in his life, if I can't go, no ladies can go. Its not a trust thing, I just don't find it to be appropriate for any woman to have the ability to do something with my future husband that I cannot.

Since I am not invited, she is not invited. If it was a combined thing (some people do that?) then she can be there, because I can be there. If they want to get dinner together? Fine. I can also go get dinner with him. I, however, cannot attend his bachelor party (if he doesn't invite me) and therefore neither can any other woman.

mblake525 · October 2013

I can't say it would bother me if a female friend wanted to attend his bachelor party. However, I believe it partially depends on the event. My FI and groomsmen are playing laser tag and coming back to our house to drink and play video games. His is pretty tame. I would have zero issues with a female friend attending that.

If he was planning on going to a strip club and getting private lap dances, I wouldn't have a moral objection with a female attending. I would wonder why this seemed so appealing to most of our female friends. In spite of my mild confusion, I certainly would have no qualms about telling my FI I was comfortable with her attendance.

The only case in which I would have an objection is if it were an ex that still had obvious feelings for him. That would make me feel uncomfortable. This seems like an unlikely case to arise though. If my FI knew I had an issue with him hanging out with a woman because her behavior was inappropriate, we would have had a discussion about it far before he proposed.

a13049 · October 2013

FI bestfriend is a female and I have become extremely close with her over the past few years, so I am inviting her to my bachelorette party. We don;t really go out seperately, not that he or I couldn't. We just don't have a ton of down time so when we go out we like to spend time with eachother and eachothers friends. I offered to invite her, and since we are in vegas we have plans to join parties later in the evening. My bestfriend is a gay male, I am not inviting him to my bachelorette party, not because Fi wouldn't trust us but because I am going out with the girls. FI has invited him to his bachelor party, because he has become friends with him as well and because he is still a guy.

You should really have an honest conversation wiht your FI, and be ready to listen as well. Don't go into it trying to change his mind, but see if there is a comprimise that can make you both happy. While bachelor and bachelorette parties have become tradition, its really not a great way to start a marriage with jealousy and insecurity issues.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

MrsRadke said:

Personally, as the number one woman in his life, if I can't go, no ladies can go. Its not a trust thing, I just don't find it to be appropriate for any woman to have the ability to do something with my future husband that I cannot.
Since I am not invited, she is not invited. If it was a combined thing (some people do that?) then she can be there, because I can be there. If they want to get dinner together? Fine. I can also go get dinner with him. I, however, cannot attend his bachelor party (if he doesn't invite me) and therefore neither can any other woman.

This just sounds really insecure and controlling to me.

itzMS · October 2013

@MrsRadke why on earth would you want to attend your FI's bachelor party?

Would you be ok if your fiance wanted a girl (friend) at his bachelor party?

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