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RSVP no after STD

pbi9994pbi9994 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
I've sent the save the dates and two of my cousins have already told me they cannot attend. Do I still send them invitations? I've read that etiquette says not to, but I feel like I would still want the invitation. Are there exceptions to this rule? Is this one of those weird non-rule rules? Here's the source, it's #6. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/24/wedding-etiquette_n_3806349.html
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Re: RSVP no after STD

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Don't use huff post as an etiquette source - they are silly. Try Miss Manners for some good advice. 

    Yes, you send an invitation to every person who got a save-the-date. Save-the-date=invitation. No exceptions. 

    Their schedules/finances may change between now and two months before your wedding. When you get ready to send invitations, just shoot them a little note saying, "I know you said you can't make it, but I still wanted to send you an invite in case your schedule changed!"
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    PDKH said:

    Don't use huff post as an etiquette source - they are silly. Try Miss Manners for some good advice. 


    Yes, you send an invitation to every person who got a save-the-date. Save-the-date=invitation. No exceptions. 

    Their schedules/finances may change between now and two months before your wedding. When you get ready to send invitations, just shoot them a little note saying, "I know you said you can't make it, but I still wanted to send you an invite in case your schedule changed!"
    ^Great point, but doesn't that require the guest to RSVP twice to the same event? I realize schedules can change, but it seems like getting a mailing and taking follow-up calls about my plans after I'd already expressed my regrets might be annoying.
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  • gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    A Save-the Date does not require an RSVP
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kitty8403 said:
    Don't use huff post as an etiquette source - they are silly. Try Miss Manners for some good advice. 

    Yes, you send an invitation to every person who got a save-the-date. Save-the-date=invitation. No exceptions. 

    Their schedules/finances may change between now and two months before your wedding. When you get ready to send invitations, just shoot them a little note saying, "I know you said you can't make it, but I still wanted to send you an invite in case your schedule changed!"
    ^Great point, but doesn't that require the guest to RSVP twice to the same event? I realize schedules can change, but it seems like getting a mailing and taking follow-up calls about my plans after I'd already expressed my regrets might be annoying.
    Technically the guest shouldn't have RSVP'd based on the STD.  It's informational only and requires nothing more.  If they want to express their regrets to the couple beforehand, that's fine.

    The invitation is where one expresses acceptance or regrets.  And if the host does it properly, there is a prepaid envelope to mail back their response.....it really isn't that hard if the guest has to say no again.
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  • pbi9994pbi9994 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    All good points. In this particular case, one cousin is pregnant and will be unable to travel, and the other cousin bought a store, and will be in the midst of a grand opening - neither of these things will change, hopefully. I have no problem adding a note or calling them and asking their preference, but I was just wondering about a rule going forward because I feel like we might have a few more of these situations before the invites go out.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The rule going forward is - you send an invitation to anyone who got a save the date. That's the etiquette rule. 

    Save the dates aren't supposed to be something to which you RSVP.
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  • pbi9994pbi9994 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    OK. Will do. Thanks!
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would still send them invitations.  Their plans could always change and it is just nice to let them know they are still welcome to come.
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