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Guests Attended Wedding but No Gift?

luna2121luna2121 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Registry and Gift Forum
My husband and I got married a few weeks ago, and in the aftermath of organizing thank you notes needs, we realized that there were 15-20 guests that attended to wedding and did not give a gift. In one instance, a guest gave a card, but no gift.

My mother is very bothered by this. I realize that guests have up to a year after the wedding to give a gift, but my mother is concerned that they will forget about it. The list includes cousins, one bridesmaid, and former co-workers and friends.

Has anyone else had this happen to them? Is there anything we should do at this point? Or is it just one of those things where we just move on with our lives?
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Re: Guests Attended Wedding but No Gift?

  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, almost everyone has some guests that do not give a gift. You should not do anything about it. A gift is not required - your presence is present enough. Some people can't afford to give a gift, have travel expenses to attend and chose to count that as the gift, and some might give you a gift at a later date. The bridesmaid spent money on a dress and other wedding expenses, so that is probably why she didn't get you anything. I personally believe an empty card with well wishes it a gift (not one I would give, but one I appreciate receiving still). Move on and be gracious :) 

    It's not your mom's business - ask her not to say anything to the guests in question. You don't want her being the gift police and making you look bad.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • audubonbride2013audubonbride2013 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    luna2121 said:
    My husband and I got married a few weeks ago, and in the aftermath of organizing thank you notes needs, we realized that there were 15-20 guests that attended to wedding and did not give a gift. In one instance, a guest gave a card, but no gift.

    My mother is very bothered by this. I realize that guests have up to a year after the wedding to give a gift, but my mother is concerned that they will forget about it. The list includes cousins, one bridesmaid, and former co-workers and friends.

    Has anyone else had this happen to them?  Is there anything we should do at this point? Or is it just one of those things where we just move on with our lives?
    Gifts aren't required and you (and your mother) should not feel entitled to gifts.  To answer your questions:
    1. Yes we had guests attend and not bring a gift.  We were just glad they could make it.  
    2. You shouldn't do anything.  These guests did nothing wrong.  If you say something you will likely ruin that relationship and come off as selfish & spoiled.
    3. Yes. Just move on with your lives.  It really doesn't matter who didn't get you a wedding gift.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Gifts are never required.  We had guests who did not give us anything and we neither cared nor did anything about it.  We were just happy that they were there to share in our wedding day.

    Just forget about the lack of gifts since it is a non-issue and just enjoy being married.  If your Mom brings it up just tell her that it is none of her business and that you are happy with what you received and that everyone had a great time.

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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yep, we had a couple of people not get us gifts. One was a guy who made a big effort to get to the wedding and I was just so pleased that he made it. One was my husband's brother, which I have to admit stung a bit. But really, like others said, you're not entitled to gifts. You don't need to do anything, and certainly don't say anything to them! If a gift or two comes in late, send a thank you note immediately. 
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    luna2121 said:
    My husband and I got married a few weeks ago, and in the aftermath of organizing thank you notes needs, we realized that there were 15-20 guests that attended to wedding and did not give a gift. In one instance, a guest gave a card, but no gift.

    My mother is very bothered by this. I realize that guests have up to a year after the wedding to give a gift, but my mother is concerned that they will forget about it. The list includes cousins, one bridesmaid, and former co-workers and friends.

    Has anyone else had this happen to them? Is there anything we should do at this point? Or is it just one of those things where we just move on with our lives?
    Why does your mother even know about this?  What you and your DH received or didn't receive is none of her business.  Move on.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    luna2121 said:
    My husband and I got married a few weeks ago, and in the aftermath of organizing thank you notes needs, we realized that there were 15-20 guests that attended to wedding and did not give a gift. In one instance, a guest gave a card, but no gift.

    My mother is very bothered by this. I realize that guests have up to a year after the wedding to give a gift, but my mother is concerned that they will forget about it. The list includes cousins, one bridesmaid, and former co-workers and friends.

    Has anyone else had this happen to them? Is there anything we should do at this point? Or is it just one of those things where we just move on with our lives?
    What do you expect to do?! Gifts are never required. 

    What, do you want to write them each a letter saying:
    "I'm glad you were there for our special day, but you must have been unaware that it was a requirement of admission to buy something for me. I expect your cheque for at least $XX  in the mail in the next 10 business days so you don't forget. Did you think I would just throw a party to celebrate my love and thank you for attending without expecting you to spend money on me?! My Mummy is very upset at this even though it has nothing to do with her. She is making me send this reminder to everyone to buy me things even though I am a married adult. SO DON'T FORGET TO GIMME GIMME GIMME!"

    See, doesn't it sound ridiculous? I'm sure you didn't mean to, but that is how your post reads. 

    Move on, be grateful for what you have, and tell your mother to do the same!

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  • csuavecsuave member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    We had 5 out of about 100 not give gifts: GM, BM, cousin, my friend and H's friend.

    It was puzzling why they didn't and I thnk it would have bothered my mom so I did not mention it to her, plus as PP have said it is none of her or anyone else's business.  H and I speculated together and then moved on.  Sometimes they are slow and sometimes they just choose not to give anything.  I think the person that gave just a card showed thoughtfulness in bringing something and others made the effort to attend which is something to be grateful for.  Just do your thank you cards for the gifts you did get promptly and leave the others be.

    To show you examples of how these things can shake out here is what has happened with our 5 people:

    GM had been talking about the gift he ordered for us since before the wedding so we figured it was just him being slow.  Sure enough we got it from him on Sunday, a month and a half after the wedding.

    BM said she forgot her card and would send it later.  She hasn't sent it and if we never get it then it will be no big deal.  I was happy to have her by my side and she doesn't need to give a gift.

    Cousin sent a card and gift one month after the wedding.

    We haven't gotten anything from the two friends and I don't think we will.  No big deal.  This seems normal based on what I have seen on the boards.

     

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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited October 2013
    you are not alone, it happens, move on from it.  You never know what their personal finances is like at this time so maybe they just could not afford something now. its ok; you do not invite people to your wedding just for the gifts-- you invite them because they are people you love and just want them to share the day with you.  a gift is nice do not get me wrong, but do not hold it against people who did not bring one.  I got married 4 months ago and we are still receiving gifts here and there--we just got sent our whole pots and pan set just this past weekend.  I love coming home to find mystery boxes on my doorstep :)

    also keep in mind-- did these people travel to be at your wedding?  I'm sure your bridesmaid spent a lot of money to be in the wedding as well. give her a pass.
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  • hoffsehoffse member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    We got married in April. We received probably 10 or so gifts in the couple of weeks after our wedding.  And they continued to come slowly over the summer.  Our most recent wedding gift came last week. We have a few family friends who say that they are going to be getting us something eventually - they just haven't decided what, yet. It's entirely unnecessary because they helped host a bridesmaid brunch for me, but there you go.  One of our readers is making us stockings - she cross-stitches the entire thing whenever she does one and it can take her a very long time to complete one, let alone two.  Hers may not arrive until our third anniversary - who knows?  Out of our 5 groomsmen only 1 gave us a gift before the wedding.  The rest gave us something in the months following it.  People have lives outside of your wedding, and I think some folks want to make sure the marriage actually occurs before investing in a wedding gift for you.

    Don't worry about it, and move on.  

    And PP's are correct - it is absolutely none of your mother's business.
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  • mbrooke2008mbrooke2008 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited October 2013

    hoffse said:
    We got married in April. We received probably 10 or so gifts in the couple of weeks after our wedding.  And they continued to come slowly over the summer.  Our most recent wedding gift came last week. We have a few family friends who say that they are going to be getting us something eventually - they just haven't decided what, yet. It's entirely unnecessary because they helped host a bridesmaid brunch for me, but there you go.  One of our readers is making us stockings - she cross-stitches the entire thing whenever she does one and it can take her a very long time to complete one, let alone two.  Hers may not arrive until our third anniversary - who knows?  Out of our 5 groomsmen only 1 gave us a gift before the wedding.  The rest gave us something in the months following it.  People have lives outside of your wedding, and I think some folks want to make sure the marriage actually occurs before investing in a wedding gift for you.

    Don't worry about it, and move on.  

    And PP's are correct - it is absolutely none of your mother's business.
    While weddings aren't about gifts, and I agree they are not required to bring a gift, I do think it is in good taste to at least give the couple a congratulatory card. Those aren't expensive at all but still show that you are thinking of the bride and groom and wish them well. I can see how it can be hurtful to a bride and groom who have good friends come to the wedding and not even give that. It's not about the gift, but the thought that they wrote a sweet note on a card. I am a sentimental person and have saved every card from my showers and weddings, and I actually have reread some from close friends, and they mean a lot to me. Some actually have made me tear up. So, I can really see both sides to this. To add, we had 20-30 people, maybe even more, not bring a gift. Most of these people were local friends that I see everyday and got together with on a regular basis. So to not even get a card from them, I will admit I was a bit hurt.
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  • courtneythesquidcourtneythesquid member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    We had maybe 20 guests who did not give a gift.  Some I was not really expecting anything (my 20-something male cousins who are likely clueless, friends who are not in the best place financially, etc.)  Some I was rather surprised (an aunt and uncle who are also my godparents, close friends, etc.)  But I quickly decided not to worry about it, maybe they will get me something in the next few month, maybe not.  It's not worth reading too much into it.  People get busy, they probably honestly forgot.

    It's interesting that you mention your Mom being upset- I have purposely not mentioned to my mother that some people did not give gifts.  I wouldn't lie if she asked, what did such and such get for you.  But I saw how upset my Mom got on my behalf when certain family members did not RSVP.  I think it's sometimes easier to shrug off a perceived slight if it is directed towards you, but if it is directed towards a loved one, watch out!

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Everyone has guests that don't give gifts.  Guests are under o obligation to get you anything, and you never should have expected anything.  You should be appreciative of how many people did choose to get you a gift.

    You never should have told your mother about this.  It's none of her business and in very poor taste for you to be blabbing about gifts.  Tell your mother to get over it.  
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I went to a wedding this summer where I hadn't intended to get a gift (I gave them a generous shower gift) and forgot to get a card in the last minute rush.  Part of me feels bad, but there was a cash bar, served ONE piece of pizza per guest (and it wasn't even warm), there was a two hour "gap" (hosted with a salad and cheese) while we waited on the bridal party to arrive and other etiquette no-nos.  Rumor has it that they spent $30k on the wedding so I refuse to feel bad. 
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Gifts are not required. I would never even know who didn't give a gift, other than not having to write them a thank you note!
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    AprilH81 said:
    I went to a wedding this summer where I hadn't intended to get a gift (I gave them a generous shower gift) and forgot to get a card in the last minute rush.  Part of me feels bad, but there was a cash bar, served ONE piece of pizza per guest (and it wasn't even warm), there was a two hour "gap" (hosted with a salad and cheese) while we waited on the bridal party to arrive and other etiquette no-nos.  Rumor has it that they spent $30k on the wedding so I refuse to feel bad. 
    This always blows me away.  What do people spend the money on if not food and drink for their guests?

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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    grumbledore said:
    AprilH81 said:
    I went to a wedding this summer where I hadn't intended to get a gift (I gave them a generous shower gift) and forgot to get a card in the last minute rush.  Part of me feels bad, but there was a cash bar, served ONE piece of pizza per guest (and it wasn't even warm), there was a two hour "gap" (hosted with a salad and cheese) while we waited on the bridal party to arrive and other etiquette no-nos.  Rumor has it that they spent $30k on the wedding so I refuse to feel bad. 
    This always blows me away.  What do people spend the money on if not food and drink for their guests?
    A dress they HAD TO HAVE after seeing it on Say Yes To The Dress - Duh!! Priorities :-p *sigh* Nothing torques me off like a bride in a designer dress and a cash bar at a wedding!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    grumbledore said:
    AprilH81 said:
    I went to a wedding this summer where I hadn't intended to get a gift (I gave them a generous shower gift) and forgot to get a card in the last minute rush.  Part of me feels bad, but there was a cash bar, served ONE piece of pizza per guest (and it wasn't even warm), there was a two hour "gap" (hosted with a salad and cheese) while we waited on the bridal party to arrive and other etiquette no-nos.  Rumor has it that they spent $30k on the wedding so I refuse to feel bad. 
    This always blows me away.  What do people spend the money on if not food and drink for their guests?
    Well there was a lot of decor, a popcorn bar, a candy bar (yucky candy chosen for wedding colors), a cigar bar (cheap $5 cigars), supposedly $10,000 on the video crew (literally crew, multiple cameras, booms and lights), a team of photographers (I counted at least three), and ornate, beautiful flowers.  I don't know if her dress was was designer or not but she changed into a party dress during the two hour wait.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    AprilH81 said:
    grumbledore said:
    AprilH81 said:
    I went to a wedding this summer where I hadn't intended to get a gift (I gave them a generous shower gift) and forgot to get a card in the last minute rush.  Part of me feels bad, but there was a cash bar, served ONE piece of pizza per guest (and it wasn't even warm), there was a two hour "gap" (hosted with a salad and cheese) while we waited on the bridal party to arrive and other etiquette no-nos.  Rumor has it that they spent $30k on the wedding so I refuse to feel bad. 
    This always blows me away.  What do people spend the money on if not food and drink for their guests?
    Well there was a lot of decor, a popcorn bar, a candy bar (yucky candy chosen for wedding colors), a cigar bar (cheap $5 cigars), supposedly $10,000 on the video crew (literally crew, multiple cameras, booms and lights), a team of photographers (I counted at least three), and ornate, beautiful flowers.  I don't know if her dress was was designer or not but she changed into a party dress during the two hour wait.
    Shit like this pisses me off.  You're not a movie star, get over it.  Ugh.

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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    AprilH81 said:
    I went to a wedding this summer where I hadn't intended to get a gift (I gave them a generous shower gift) and forgot to get a card in the last minute rush.  Part of me feels bad, but there was a cash bar, served ONE piece of pizza per guest (and it wasn't even warm), there was a two hour "gap" (hosted with a salad and cheese) while we waited on the bridal party to arrive and other etiquette no-nos.  Rumor has it that they spent $30k on the wedding so I refuse to feel bad. 
    Ridiculous.  They fed you one slice of pizza?  Did they order in from Domino's?
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