Hi Ladies,
First, apologies in advance for the length here. I just want to be as clear as possible.
I am getting married in November (very soon) and have one MOH and 3 BMs. I have not asked them to pay for anything or to plan anything. We bought them their dresses, told them to wear simple shoes, gave them gifts, and the MOH (who is wonderful) of her own accord with the financial help of my mother planned the bridal shower and bach party.
One BM has always been a very high drama, very whiny person. She leads a pretty crazy life style and is single in a big city. I asked her to be a BM because when we had been roommates several years ago we had been quite close (we were both single at the time.) I wanted another friend who is closer to be a BM, and it was one of those situations where I felt as if I couldn't ask one without the other.
Anyway, long story short we had already started drifting apart before things really exploded -- mostly because I found her increasingly selfish, quick tempered, inattentive, and at times really quite mean and as if she were bullying me. Over the past few months as the wedding has gotten closer, her behavior has worsened. I know other friends have picked up on this, too: she is really out of control (picking on me in front of other friends, constantly turning every conversation or every interaction into something about her own anger and negativity or anxiety, sending inappropriate texts to married men, the list goes on).
Just recently I had my bachlorette weekend, and she was so toxic that by the end of it I was just in tears trying to avoid her. The problem is that a) the wedding is so close and b) this person is quite manipulative and has become very intertwined in my other friend groups. (Background, we were roommates when she moved from abroad to my home town so all her friends here are literally people she met through me and has really grabbed onto them).
I just don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome -- obviously this is a long story and complicated dynamic. When I've tried to talk to her about some of this behavior before she either denies it (claims she is joking when she says mean things) or blames me and accuses me of being distant (which I have been, on purpose, because i find her negativity overwhelming.)
Thanks for reading.