Hi girls-
It's been some time since I've been on the boards, but this situation came up and I thought I'd run it by the second-time crowd. H and I were married this June, second wedding for both of us. It was a great day. For the wedding we bought our 3 boys new suits, ties and shoes, and we got my daughter a beautiful flower girl dress that she adored. My exH is getting remarried on October 26th. I got a text from his FI today asking me if my 2 boys could wear their suits in their wedding. I paused, but then said yes, just asked if they could please have them dry-cleaned before they are returned, which she agreed to. H thinks I should have said no, but I'm sincerely trying to be nice. Really.
So, here's what's making me a little uncomfortable. My exH and his Fi rarely spend much money on the kids, H and I pay for nearly everything, including providing health insurance, medication for my son's ADHD, activities, lunch accounts at school, clothing, backpacks, shoes, haircuts, you name it. When exH and his Fi do shop for the children, it's at Goodwill, etc. (not that there's a problem with that). It's a huge financial disparity, but I usually overlook it because H and I make more money and these are my children, so I have no issues providing them with what they need.
We just found out that ExH and his Fi are taking all 5 of their children to Disney World in November, flying from Michigan and renting a house for a week. Then he and his Fi are taking a separate honeymoon someplace, don't know where, didn't ask.
Here's the kicker: my exH owes the IRS thousands of dollars in back taxes from 2009. That was the last year that he and I filed 'married filing jointly' so I am still on the hook for this debt, and have already paid thousands of dollars of it to keep the IRS from levying accounts and garnishment. He claims he pays them on a payment plan every month, but I know this is not true as I get statements from the IRS and he pays them occasionally, but not regularly by any stretch. This debt is from his business that he ran during that time, I was a stay at home mom that year, and I honestly don't even remember reviewing the return. Long story short, his best buddy is his CPA, they play fast and loose with the tax laws, and now I'm on the hook for this because we were married at the time. The IRS doesn't care that I wasn't working, my SSN is on that return, and you can't get blood from a turnip, know what I mean? Even today, I know that he works with his buddy so that his returns show him only making about $30,000 per year, flirting with the poverty level, when in fact he makes much more than that. Ugh.
Anyhow, it makes my EXTREMELY uncomfortable to see him spending thousands of dollars on vacations while WE still have this old debt from years ago. They scrimp and shop at Goodwill, we provide health care and about 90% of the things the children need, then they ask me to use the suits H and I bought for OUR wedding for use in THEIR wedding, it just makes me feel weird and taken advantage of. Again.
Sorry so long... I guess this is more a question about how to handle the bigger picture rather than the clothing-borrowing situation. I don't mind if they borrow the clothes, but he needs to stand up and take care of his responsibilities. This is the last 'thing' that still hangs out there from our marriage, I just want it gone and dealt with so I can finally have a clean slate. Thanks for listening.