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Is my invite idea crazy?

monique637monique637 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
First let me start off by explaining my reasoning for my crazy idea. My brother was left with over 30 plates, which he paid for, because people rsvp and then didn't show up. My cousin had about 20 uninvited guest show up at his wedding and had to fork out another 2K to feed and seat those people who he did not even want at his wedding. Both of me and my fiance's families aren't big fans of RSVP so they will either not do it or they will do it and not show up or add more uninvited guest. I know that's rude but I can't change our families obviously so we are trying to figure out a way to attempt to eliminate either one of these scenarios especially because we are on such a tight budget and we really wanted no more than 80-96 guest. So here is my idea... I send out normal invites but I do not put the name of the venue or the address, just the date, time, and city--I'll explain in a minute. On the RSVP card I put something along the lines of  "We are saving "2" seats for you RSVP by 05.10.14 to receive your romantic date night pass (or something like that not sure on the exact wording yet). For those who do not plan on attending, they will either return the declined rsvp or simply not respond but they do not know the location or venue name so it decreases the chances of unexpected guest. For those who do RSVP I plan on making really cute rustic looking tickets to match my outdoor rustic theme wedding with the venue address and their reception table number. Now I know it will not eliminate either one of my fears by 100% but I think it might help and urge people to RSVP. I rather spend like $60 to do these tickets than spend a couple grand on something unexpected. Okay people go ahead what are your thoughts on my crazy invite idea?
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Re: Is my invite idea crazy?

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2013
    monique637 said:
    First let me start off by explaining my reasoning for my crazy idea. My brother was left with over 30 plates, which he paid for, because people rsvp and then didn't show up. My cousin had about 20 uninvited guest show up at his wedding and had to fork out another 2K to feed and seat those people who he did not even want at his wedding. Both of me and my fiance's families aren't big fans of RSVP so they will either not do it or they will do it and not show up or add more uninvited guest. I know that's rude but I can't change our families obviously so we are trying to figure out a way to attempt to eliminate either one of these scenarios especially because we are on such a tight budget and we really wanted no more than 80-96 guest. So here is my idea... I send out normal invites but I do not put the name of the venue or the address, just the date, time, and city--I'll explain in a minute. On the RSVP card I put something along the lines of  "We are saving "2" seats for you RSVP by 05.10.14 to receive your romantic date night pass (or something like that not sure on the exact wording yet). For those who do not plan on attending, they will either return the declined rsvp or simply not respond but they do not know the location or venue name so it decreases the chances of unexpected guest. For those who do RSVP I plan on making really cute rustic looking tickets to match my outdoor rustic theme wedding with the venue address and their reception table number. Now I know it will not eliminate either one of my fears by 100% but I think it might help and urge people to RSVP. I rather spend like $60 to do these tickets than spend a couple grand on something unexpected. Okay people go ahead what are your thoughts on my crazy invite idea?
    I think it's a really bad idea.

    Accept that people might RSVP yes and not show up.  Almost everyone has some of those, so it's pretty much going to happen.  Accept it and make peace with it now.  It could just as easily happen with your weird invitation scheme as well.

    If they don't RSVP at all, call them and straightforwardly ask, like every other engaged couple has to do with delinquent RSVPers.  If they RSVP for more people than are listed on the invitation, call them and let them know that you're sorry for the misunderstanding but only X and Y are invited, and you hope they'll still be able to come, again just like every other engaged couple has to do.



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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If your families lack regard for proper RSVPing, what makes you think they won't just share the info and show up anyway? Someone will know the info and is bound to share it if non-RSVPers ask for it. It will also not solve people who RSVP and then don't show up. It sucks having to track people down for their RSVP and it really sucks having people no-show. You can either not invite the typical offenders or just accept the fact that it will happen. It is very rare that a bride doesn't have a few no-shows.

    Sorry, but yes your idea is crazy. You can't fix rude or stupid guests - sorry you have to deal with this. GL! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I can sympathize with wanting to figure out a way to cater to family/friends who suck at RSVPing, but I honestly think this sounds like a headache and agree with PPs it's not the best solution to solve your problem.

    Just do it the old fashioned way: send out your invites, track the RSVPs you receive and follow up with the people who don't RSVP. No shows happen. I feel you here, but rude people will be rude - not much you can do about it.
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    CTYankeeBrideCTYankeeBride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If you have guests who can't handle an RSVP under normal circumstances, doing something like this really isn't going to help the situation. What's stopping people who want to come from asking another guest?  What ensures that people who got their "pass" aren't going to no-show after that?  There really is no way to keep either scenario from happening no matter what you put on the invites- people who do not understand how this works aren't going to change, because they do not want to.  Having security/ an attendant at the venue ensure that only invited guests are allowed in but there's really no way to make sure that every guest who RSVP's "yes" is going to actually show up.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No, it's not a good idea.

    Not having RSVPs or the venue listed on your invitations is not going to make your guests who don't understand them show up after RSVPing yes or not bring uninvited guests.  You can deny the uninvited guests entry to at least your reception (you can't do it if you're getting married in a public place or house of worship), but this calls for security and some kind of "registration" on arrival; plus, you may have to deal with scenes from these people.

    Some people may be able to come to an event in one location but not another, so they need to know the location in order to plan.  Being coy about the location makes it impossible for them to make plans, so you'll be wasting their time by not including this information.

    The "cuteness" of the rustic tickets doesn't cancel out the original impropriety of not providing basic information in the first place.
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    monique637monique637 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Well I guess it was a long shot with my crazy idea. It really is awful having to deal with this kind of stuff. It seems like people don't grasp the concept that weddings are very expensive and not everyone has mommy and daddy who are paying for everything so it really is important to let the "not rich" couple know if they will or will not come. ughhh what a headache! Anyway, thank you everyone for your advice it is very much appreciated!
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    cruffinocruffino member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    monique637 said:
    Well I guess it was a long shot with my crazy idea. It really is awful having to deal with this kind of stuff. It seems like people don't grasp the concept that weddings are very expensive and not everyone has mommy and daddy who are paying for everything so it really is important to let the "not rich" couple know if they will or will not come. ughhh what a headache! Anyway, thank you everyone for your advice it is very much appreciated!
    i agree that it sucks, regardless of who is paying (couple or parents or anyone else).
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    kitty8403kitty8403 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    monique637 said:

    Well I guess it was a long shot with my crazy idea. It really is awful having to deal with this kind of stuff. It seems like people don't grasp the concept that weddings are very expensive and not everyone has mommy and daddy who are paying for everything so it really is important to let the "not rich" couple know if they will or will not come. ughhh what a headache! Anyway, thank you everyone for your advice it is very much appreciated!

    It's a logistical problem too.
    Have you thought about what happens if someone's tickets are lost in the mail or sent to the wrong address?
    It does suck, but I think you have to accept the possibility that some people will be flaky, and plus ones or other unexpected guests happen. I suggest building in a little wiggle room in your planning-- what if you invite fewer people than you can afford to host, so a few extra heads are not an unexpected cost? In my spreadsheets, I added plus ones for singles and kids for families. We are budgeting for those extra people, just in case. if they don't come, then we save money.
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