Wedding Etiquette Forum

Etiquette fail....

FI and I received a pretty amazing invitation the other day. In no particular order:

- Addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. K____ (we're not married yet and I am keeping my last name)
- It's a "reception" for a destination wedding BEFORE it takes place in January
- We are not invited to the wedding
- They are registered at about five places, but also mentioned that cash is acceptable

Yeah. Not going to that one.


Re: Etiquette fail....

  • Facepalm.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Thankfully, my fiance is so amazing (these are friends of his) that he recognized right away what a crappy move it was on their part and threw it in the trash after he showed me.
  • Epic fail. 
  • NOPE.
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • What a shitshow. I'd decline too.
  • sarals24 said:
    FI and I received a pretty amazing invitation the other day. In no particular order:

    - Addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. K____ (we're not married yet and I am keeping my last name) This says: We do not care enough about you to find out your last name/ address your invitation properly
    - It's a "reception" for a destination wedding BEFORE it takes place in January This says: we want gifts and money.  We want them bad. 
    - We are not invited to the wedding  This says: We want gifts so bad (did we mention we want gifts?) that we want you to come to the reception before we're even married (and you aren't important enough to actually come see us get married, but here's who you can make the check out to.)
    - They are registered at about five places, but also mentioned that cash is acceptable This says: really this is a gift grab, we're serious, we want gifts.

    Yeah. Not going to that one.


    Sadly people really don't understand that these are the messages they send (my thoughts in bold) when they do things like this.  It really says "we sorta like you, please send gift." Ugh.
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  • Well, at least you know the difference :)
  • - Addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. K____ (we're not married yet and I am keeping my last name) This says: We do not care enough about you to find out your last name/ address your invitation properly
    I don't think this is the bolded is necessarily true. You can have aliases and unless you have told someone what your name is and they call you by the wrong last name on purpose, I don't think it is done maliciously. I kept my last name, but haven't made a big production of telling people. On the flip side, I have asked married women if they changed their name and they acted offended over the question bc they had changed their name. Some people don't want to ask and risk offending people. 

    In OP's case they were clearly lazy bc she and her FI are not yet married. 
    But I don't get uppity when people address mail to DH and I as Mr & Mrs HisLastName. IMHO :)

    The rest of the bullets are so, so very, very sad :-(
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • - Addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. K____ (we're not married yet and I am keeping my last name) This says: We do not care enough about you to find out your last name/ address your invitation properly
    I don't think this is the bolded is necessarily true. You can have aliases and unless you have told someone what your name is and they call you by the wrong last name on purpose, I don't think it is done maliciously. I kept my last name, but haven't made a big production of telling people. On the flip side, I have asked married women if they changed their name and they acted offended over the question bc they had changed their name. Some people don't want to ask and risk offending people. 

    In OP's case they were clearly lazy bc she and her FI are not yet married. 
    But I don't get uppity when people address mail to DH and I as Mr & Mrs HisLastName. IMHO :)

    The rest of the bullets are so, so very, very sad :-(
    I was referring more to the fact that they aren't married and so regardless of whether or not OP is changing her name, her name right now isn't FI's last name.  It might not at all be malicious- in fact it's usually just more ignorance than malice that leads people to do this.  It's more that they are not aware of how it could come across than that they're trying deliberately to be rude.  

    I do get annoyed by this because if you thought enough of me to invite me, then you could have taken a minute to e-mail someone and find out what my last name is. I didn't take my first husband's last name after my first wedding and I didn't get upset when people addressed us as Mr. and Mrs. Lastname because that's an easy assumption to make and unless I've corrected them then they might not have realized.  I do get annoyed when people address me and my FI and FI's children as "The FILastname Family," when they are people who clearly do know we aren't married and what my last name is. 

    I'm not saying that it's malicious if someone doesn't do it this way, but it is very easy for your guest to feel like they weren't important enough for you to address it properly. 
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  • Yeah, it was the part about us not being married that really got me. And they KNOW we aren't married! How do they know? Because they are invited to our wedding!! (They are actually very nice people, that's why this entire shitshow was such a surprise). 

    We have mutual friends going to this "reception", but they aren't bringing a gift. (They aren't invited to the wedding either.)

    And the last name thing...I already know that some people won't get it. That's fine, it happened to my mom all the time growing up. When we finally told his mom (because she kept trying to get us to register for monogrammed towels) she was very confused and couldn't figure out what name I would go by. Ummm, mine?
  • ehh, at least its not pot luck...right? RIGHT?
  • Wow! At least you and your SO were invited together, but the whole thing sounds extremely gift grabby to me, plus it's not a wedding reception if it's taking place BEFORE the actual wedding. I thought the whole idea was to celebrate the newly wedded couple? This party sounds like a consolation prize, so good for you for not going.
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2013
    $10 says they're having the reception first so they can use any money they get to help pay for their DW.
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