How to bring up budget with Bride

bunni727 · October 2013

PhoneCardLady said:

I haven't even chosen a bridal party and I am already starting to have problems!

Since I am an "older" first time bride, going shopping for bridal dresses is something I plan on nixing. Anyhow, when I was discussing things with a possible BM, I said that I'd like my bridal party to buy something that they could afford, in blue/white, and either a dress or skirt/blouse. That way they could get more than one use out of it.

Imagine my shock when she said that she was unemployed (which I took into consideration and I believe she could have found something at the Salvation Army), and that she didn't wear dresses. She also added that if I got a mutual friend to be the MOH, she'd be pissed!

Mind you, I stood up for this lady when she got married. I was unemployed at the time and at no time did she ask me what my budget was. I do have to say that she wasn't a bridezilla....

Why can't she wear pants and a blouse she already owns, if she has them in those colors?

You don't have to base your MOH on her, but it'd be crappy to try and force someone into clothes they aren't comfortable in.

XrebeccaX · October 2013

It's occurred to me as I read these threads that I have been a bridesmaid four times and never once was I asked about my budget!

One friend called off her first engagement after we had already put down deposits on our dresses and she reimbursed us. For my cousin's wedding we all went to the bridal shop together and she asked if the dress she was considering was an okay price for everyone. Probably better to have that discussion one-on-one...because what are people going to say in a situation like that!

And three out of those four times I've been "required" to purchase dyed-to-match shoes...and one time I "had" to have my hair done at my own expense. To add insult to injury, it was a horrifically fussy updo!

As far as the OP goes I agree with PPs. Be firm about what you can spend. And by the way, getting back on your feet after being unemployed for a while doesn't mean you have to drop out of life until other people deem you fit to spend your disposable income.

MrsLillyG · October 2013

XrebeccaX? I would hardly consider declining to spend $1300 on someone else's wedding 'dropping out of life.'

XrebeccaX · October 2013

People lose jobs, it doesn't mean they must necessarily refuse to participate in loved ones' important life events and spend all their time "making money or figuring out ways to make money." It is not the be all, end all of existence. It sounds like the OP is just trying to make this work, not being foolish or naive about it.

grumbledore · October 2013

MrsLillyG said:

XrebeccaX? I would hardly consider declining to spend $1300 on someone else's wedding 'dropping out of life.'

You clearly feel strongly that it is irresponsible to spend money and time participating in a wedding when you have been going through hard times. Many of us disagree strongly with you and think the bride should be more thoughtful and gracious. And the OP has already stated that she is able to afford attendance and a dress up to $100, which is what the bride should work with, since she should have asked first (and abided) anyway.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

bunni727 said:

lea717171 said:

I am getting very mixed responses here haha. It's not a question of going, because I wouldn't miss her wedding (already booked the trip). I have been at my new job for 6 months now so i've been saving portions from each paycheck. I just wasnt sure how to bring up the shoe budget without her getting offended again. I think I will see if she can give us a color/style and let the bridesmaids handle their own shoes.

Just say, "the shoes you picked are out of my budget, but i found these that are very similar to wear instead. I hope that's okay with you."

Or just smile and nod your head, and wear whatever you choose to buy. You said you found a similar pair in the color she wants for less, right? She probably will be too busy to notice your shoes on her wedding day. Sometimes its best not to give difficult ppl too much info ;-)

lea717171 · November 2013

UPDATE:

So I texed her to say that i bought my dress and she brought up the shoes. I think I almost offended her again by mentioning budget...lol. Heres the texts:

Bride: I have to finish looking up shoes

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Maid: Do you have everyone’s sizes? In case they are on clearance or they have free shipping for larger orders you might want to buy them and have us pay you back. That’s just a thought but depends what you pick I guess.

Bride: I can get them. That’s what we did for the guys. It was so much easier with them lol.

Maid: Yea that seems the best if you want everyone to match. Check Payless and Kohls too. I saw some cute options on there before. I would try Old Navy too.

Bride: It was a little easier with the guys cause most of them are here and respond fast.

Maid: I would just get everyone’s size and budget and pick it myself then buy them and not have to wait for responses, or just pick a color/style and let them buy them. Do whatever works best for you.

Bride: Again I have already been trying to keep budget in mind so def not gonna ask everyone. But not sure I have time to wait. Still have people who haven’t responded to emails.

Maid: I don’t think I said for you to ask everyone? I’m confused.

Bride: You said to get everyone’s size and budget

Maid: No I said “I would…” Not you. Then I said do whatever works best for you.

Bride: Ok lol. Now I’m confused

Maid: I wouldn’t tell you what to do since I don’t know the other girls as well

Bride: Gotcha

jenniferurs · November 2013

LOL at the notion that if you don't have an unlimited budget, you shouldn't be able to experience your close friends' important life events.

How to bring up budget with Bride

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