Am I nuts?

Rebl90 · November 2013

Is it me, or is it weird to have a bride change her mind after 1/2 of her BMs purchased dresses she picked out and then 3 months later let the remaining 1/2 vote on what type of dress they want to wear?

MobKaz · November 2013

The short answer is yes, it is definitely weird. I have to ask why the dresses were purchased so early in the first place? I would also make it crystal clear to the bride that unless the dress you purchased was 100% returnable, the bride is SOL in having them replaced.

vk2204 · November 2013

I would be pretty pissed off especially if I didn't like the dress I purchased in the first place!

AddieCake · November 2013

Yeah, that's weird.

tmclawchick · November 2013

Yes. Weird.

climbingsingle · November 2013

Definitely weird.

photokitty · November 2013

Yes, I would be furious if they dress option changed after I had been proactive and bought the dress in advance. Unless they can return the original dress for a full refund, don't even entertain this idea - PLEASE!

Rebl90 · November 2013

mobkaz said:

The short answer is yes, it is definitely weird. I have to ask why the dresses were purchased so early in the first place? I would also make it crystal clear to the bride that unless the dress you purchased was 100% returnable, the bride is SOL in having them replaced.

As soon as she found them (on Etsy) we were told we only had 2 or 3 weeks to purchase them (no trying anything on). Apparently some of the other BMs decided that they didn't "like" them, so they just didn't purchase them at the time they were available (I guess they banded together). She's not giving those of us the option to replace them, we were just included in the mass e-mail to the girls who now get to choose from traditional BM gowns which are all completely different styles and colors. 3 of us will be in inexpensive summer dresses above the knee, and the other 4 will be in floor length gowns.

LDay2014 · November 2013

Rebl90 said:

mobkaz said:

The short answer is yes, it is definitely weird. I have to ask why the dresses were purchased so early in the first place? I would also make it crystal clear to the bride that unless the dress you purchased was 100% returnable, the bride is SOL in having them replaced.

As soon as she found them (on Etsy) we were told we only had 2 or 3 weeks to purchase them (no trying anything on). Apparently some of the other BMs decided that they didn't "like" them, so they just didn't purchase them at the time they were available (I guess they banded together). She's not giving those of us the option to replace them, we were just included in the mass e-mail to the girls who now get to choose from traditional BM gowns which are all completely different styles and colors. 3 of us will be in inexpensive summer dresses above the knee, and the other 4 will be in floor length gowns.

If she's not asking you to replace yours...then while it's weird, it's her choice. If she wants to have different dresses it's her wedding and her decision. You don't have to look at the pictures

But yes, it is weird...smile, nod, wear what you have and be done with it.

photokitty · November 2013

So you're not the bride. Yeah, it's weird. As long as my dress was cheaper than the new option, I guess I would let it go, but I'd still be annoyed on the inside. I'd be super PO if the rebels who banded together against the dress got a cheaper one.

Be prepared to stay away for the drama causing rebel-rousers, they sounds like they could end up being major PITAs! GL!

Rebl90 · November 2013

Sorry, clarification, the ones they are purchasing are more expensive, but the etsy dresses she picked our were "handmade" and under $40, which would be fantastic, except it meant that they arrived with buttons that were sewed on haphazardly, snags in the fabric, and crooked hems. So 1/2 of us look like we made our dresses ourselves and the other 1/2 will be wearing fitted, professionally made dresses. I was super PO'd when the dress arrived, but she could care less since their "overall look matches the vintage and rustic feel!".

gag me with a spoon.

HaileyDancingbear · November 2013

mobkaz said:

The short answer is yes, it is definitely weird. I have to ask why the dresses were purchased so early in the first place? I would also make it crystal clear to the bride that unless the dress you purchased was 100% returnable, the bride is SOL in having them replaced.

As soon as she found them (on Etsy) we were told we only had 2 or 3 weeks to purchase them (no trying anything on). Apparently some of the other BMs decided that they didn't "like" them, so they just didn't purchase them at the time they were available (I guess they banded together). She's not giving those of us the option to replace them, we were just included in the mass e-mail to the girls who now get to choose from traditional BM gowns which are all completely different styles and colors. 3 of us will be in inexpensive summer dresses above the knee, and the other 4 will be in floor length gowns.

I think that's more weird of the bridesmaids than it is of the bride. How rude! If they had a problem with the dresses, they should have told the bride rather than having a little temper tantrum and refusing to buy them when they were available, leaving the bride to scramble to find a dress that these whiners would wear. It does't really sound like the bride means to do this to you girls who already bought the dress, it sounds like the other bridesmaids screwed her over Chances are since you bought your dress on Etsy, it's not returnable and you can't get a refund- the person who made it had to pay for the materials and put the time into making the dress, so unless a shop is really huge and has a lot of people working for it giving a refund would usually mean a waste of time and money on the seller's part. That's probably why the bride didn't ask you to switch your dress, she probably looked at the shop policies and saw your dress was not returnable. Just be glad you don't have to buy a second dress on top of not being able to get a refund for the first, and don't blame any "Weirdness" on the bride, it's frankly weird that a few bridesmaids would band together and refuse to wear a dress they didn't like for a few hours for someone who is supposed to be their friend.

HisGirlFriday13 · November 2013

It's definitely weird, and beyond that, it's rude as hell.

I have, as a BM, on more than one occasion (actually, on EVERY occasion) bought dresses I didn't like -- they were pastel or floor-length or a weird cut or whatever -- but I've sucked it up and worn them for my friend the bride.

IF, however, SOME BMs had to buy ugly-ass dresses and the rest got to buy ones they liked, I'd be out of that WP so fast the bride's head would be spinning. Eff that noise.

Rebl90 · November 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

It's definitely weird, and beyond that, it's rude as hell.

I have, as a BM, on more than one occasion (actually, on EVERY occasion) bought dresses I didn't like -- they were pastel or floor-length or a weird cut or whatever -- but I've sucked it up and worn them for my friend the bride.

IF, however, SOME BMs had to buy ugly-ass dresses and the rest got to buy ones they liked, I'd be out of that WP so fast the bride's head would be spinning. Eff that noise.

***Stuck in the box****

This is exactly how I feel, I bought my dress because it is what she wanted and I didn't care how I looked, however my feelings changed when the other girls pitched fits after the decision and got their way. It just feels very selfish to me, but maybe I'm selfish in thinking that?

Rebl90 · November 2013

HaileyDancingbear said:

mobkaz said:

The short answer is yes, it is definitely weird. I have to ask why the dresses were purchased so early in the first place? I would also make it crystal clear to the bride that unless the dress you purchased was 100% returnable, the bride is SOL in having them replaced.

As soon as she found them (on Etsy) we were told we only had 2 or 3 weeks to purchase them (no trying anything on). Apparently some of the other BMs decided that they didn't "like" them, so they just didn't purchase them at the time they were available (I guess they banded together). She's not giving those of us the option to replace them, we were just included in the mass e-mail to the girls who now get to choose from traditional BM gowns which are all completely different styles and colors. 3 of us will be in inexpensive summer dresses above the knee, and the other 4 will be in floor length gowns.
I think that's more weird of the bridesmaids than it is of the bride. How rude! If they had a problem with the dresses, they should have told the bride rather than having a little temper tantrum and refusing to buy them when they were available, leaving the bride to scramble to find a dress that these whiners would wear. It does't really sound like the bride means to do this to you girls who already bought the dress, it sounds like the other bridesmaids screwed her over Chances are since you bought your dress on Etsy, it's not returnable and you can't get a refund- the person who made it had to pay for the materials and put the time into making the dress, so unless a shop is really huge and has a lot of people working for it giving a refund would usually mean a waste of time and money on the seller's part. That's probably why the bride didn't ask you to switch your dress, she probably looked at the shop policies and saw your dress was not returnable. Just be glad you don't have to buy a second dress on top of not being able to get a refund for the first, and don't blame any "Weirdness" on the bride, it's frankly weird that a few bridesmaids would band together and refuse to wear a dress they didn't like for a few hours for someone who is supposed to be their friend.

I am very thankful that I wasn't required to purchase another dress, at least there is that! But my feeling (in response to the bold portion I marked), is that they did not MAKE her find her another dress for them, she acted foolishly by caving into their wants. They pitched the fit after everyone (including them) agreed to the dress and "oohed" and "ahhed" over them, and then they realized how unflattering they are and decided they didn't want to look bad. My problem lies with the bride because she went back on her decision without considering the feelings of those of us who have not been problematic. I think she needed to put her foot down and say, "you all agreed on this dress and four of the girls have already purchased them, I'm sorry but I will not change things after the fact.:

I guess I am just over-sensitive to this because I am getting married the month after her, and had asked her to be a BM and I feel like I'm more conscious of the decisions I make in regards to my WP and am not receiving the same treatment from her.

CaliMel11 · November 2013

That whole situation sounds extremely frustrating. =(
I'm sorry you got the short end of the stick there.
Hopefully they don't band together and throw tantrums about other things.
I guess it's one of those things you might be able to laugh at later on.
Do you know anyone who can do alterations on your dress to at least improve it? Like a friend or family member who can sew?

photokitty · November 2013

Rebl90 said:
This is exactly how I feel, I bought my dress because it is what she wanted and I didn't care how I looked, however my feelings changed when the other girls pitched fits after the decision and got their way. It just feels very selfish to me, but maybe I'm selfish in thinking that?

You're not being selfish. I'd be hella mad! And I would be even more upset that I had to wear a cheaply made dress. I would not want to look like crap next to the more expensive dresses. I was in a wedding that my dress cost $240 - way more than I wanted to spend - we all got to pick a dress from a particular line. They had 2 dresses in my budget, but they were hideous and I looked awful in them. So I paid the extra money to look good. It was a family wedding and I didn't want to be immortalized in family pics looking dreadful! But in the end it was my call so I was ok with it

I'd ask the bride to pay for the first dress and I would then buy the second dress - if I cared enough about how I looked or wanted to be in the wedding - if I was you.

GL!

MairePoppy · November 2013

Weird and rude.

Since she pushed you into buying the horrible dresses, she should offer to buy them from anyone who would prefer to wear the second dress. I don't blame the second bunch of bms for not wanting to wear the etsy dresses. This was the bride's mistake so she should make it right.

thelastdreamer · November 2013

Dude, file an Etsy complaint. not cool.

Rebl90 · November 2013

MairePoppy said:

Weird and rude.

Since she pushed you into buying the horrible dresses, she should offer to buy them from anyone who would prefer to wear the second dress. I don't blame the second bunch of bms for not wanting to wear the etsy dresses. This was the bride's mistake so she should make it right.

Yes well, that is a lovely idea, but despite the fact that they both make a good amount of money (I don't at all mean to be rude by saying that, they like to make it known to the rest of our group that he is the most "successful" - we're all under 25 btw, so the majority of us are still in school), she is trying to do things as cheaply as possible (more money for the honeymoon).

She is refusing to rent chairs for her ceremony *outdoors, on grass in the summer*, and is asking all "friends" to be vendors. Example, non-professional photographer, groomsman and bridesmaids as "set up crew" the night before, invites from someone who wants to be a graphic designer...the list goes on and on. And every time she says "I'm sure they'll give me the 'friend' discount!" or, "I don't think they'll actually charge me anything". Of course she spared no expense for her dress and is trying to hire a "celebrity" dj. And the reception will be in a family backyard, so no expenses on rentals (although it's a nice yard that will look great, I'm not faulting her for coming up with a SMART way to save money)

Oh, and their website asks for money/gift cards on the registry page.

It's a hot, hot mess of a wedding.

Rebl90 · November 2013

CaliMel11 said:

That whole situation sounds extremely frustrating. =(
I'm sorry you got the short end of the stick there.
Hopefully they don't band together and throw tantrums about other things.
I guess it's one of those things you might be able to laugh at later on.
Do you know anyone who can do alterations on your dress to at least improve it? Like a friend or family member who can sew?

I was able to fix it, thank goodness for sewing lessons as a child! It's a cute dress when its not askew, however it is extremely casual

kitty8403 · November 2013

Rebl90 said:

MairePoppy said:

Weird and rude.

Since she pushed you into buying the horrible dresses, she should offer to buy them from anyone who would prefer to wear the second dress. I don't blame the second bunch of bms for not wanting to wear the etsy dresses. This was the bride's mistake so she should make it right.

Yes well, that is a lovely idea, but despite the fact that they both make a good amount of money (I don't at all mean to be rude by saying that, they like to make it known to the rest of our group that he is the most "successful" - we're all under 25 btw, so the majority of us are still in school), she is trying to do things as cheaply as possible (more money for the honeymoon).

She is refusing to rent chairs for her ceremony *outdoors, on grass in the summer*, and is asking all "friends" to be vendors. Example, non-professional photographer, groomsman and bridesmaids as "set up crew" the night before, invites from someone who wants to be a graphic designer...the list goes on and on. And every time she says "I'm sure they'll give me the 'friend' discount!" or, "I don't think they'll actually charge me anything". Of course she spared no expense for her dress and is trying to hire a "celebrity" dj. And the reception will be in a family backyard, so no expenses on rentals (although it's a nice yard that will look great, I'm not faulting her for coming up with a SMART way to save money)

Oh, and their website asks for money/gift cards on the registry page.

It's a hot, hot mess of a wedding.

Man! I was feelin sympathetic toward the bride until I read this. that sounds awful!
Sounds like there's selfish behavior on both parts--the bridesmaids throwing the fit, and the bride caving to that demand and neglecting to address the issue of already-purchased dresses. :-/

MairePoppy · November 2013

I predict that this bride is going to lose many friends over her wedding. She's breaking so many etiquette rules, I wouldn't even know where to start with comments.

It's good that you were able to make the dress work. I'll bet that the bride will expect to be exempt from physical labor on set up night. I'd find something else to do on set up night.

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

To each their own, but isn't it going to look ridiculous when half the bridesmaids are in formal gowns and the other half are in short casual sundresses?

Rebl90 · November 2013

laurynm84 said:

To each their own, but isn't it going to look ridiculous when half the bridesmaids are in formal gowns and the other half are in short casual sundresses?

That was my original thought, but I didn't want to rock the boat since I didn't have a say anyway

MobKaz · November 2013

kitty8403 said:

MairePoppy said:

Weird and rude.

Since she pushed you into buying the horrible dresses, she should offer to buy them from anyone who would prefer to wear the second dress. I don't blame the second bunch of bms for not wanting to wear the etsy dresses. This was the bride's mistake so she should make it right.

Yes well, that is a lovely idea, but despite the fact that they both make a good amount of money (I don't at all mean to be rude by saying that, they like to make it known to the rest of our group that he is the most "successful" - we're all under 25 btw, so the majority of us are still in school), she is trying to do things as cheaply as possible (more money for the honeymoon).

She is refusing to rent chairs for her ceremony *outdoors, on grass in the summer*, and is asking all "friends" to be vendors. Example, non-professional photographer, groomsman and bridesmaids as "set up crew" the night before, invites from someone who wants to be a graphic designer...the list goes on and on. And every time she says "I'm sure they'll give me the 'friend' discount!" or, "I don't think they'll actually charge me anything". Of course she spared no expense for her dress and is trying to hire a "celebrity" dj. And the reception will be in a family backyard, so no expenses on rentals (although it's a nice yard that will look great, I'm not faulting her for coming up with a SMART way to save money)

Oh, and their website asks for money/gift cards on the registry page.

It's a hot, hot mess of a wedding.
Man! I was feelin sympathetic toward the bride until I read this. that sounds awful! Sounds like there's selfish behavior on both parts--the bridesmaids throwing the fit, and the bride caving to that demand and neglecting to address the issue of already-purchased dresses. :-/

And....probably no rain contingency plan, either. She expects her guests to sit on the lawn? I'd buy her a folding chair as a wedding gift. I'd bring it to the wedding, bust it open, and test it out for her during the ceremony.

Rebl90 · November 2013

@Mobkaz her wedding website says to bring an umbrella if it rains since 'the show must go on!!!!!' (exact quote btw)

MobKaz · November 2013

Rebl90 said:

@Mobkaz her wedding website says to bring an umbrella if it rains since 'the show must go on!!!!!' (exact quote btw)

Sweet Mother Mary. I apologize in advance for the insult I am about to hurl toward your friend, but I am shocked that someone so incredibly self absorbed and selfish was able to find the time to look beyond herself long enough to find someone to marry.

And "show" sounds beyond appropriate. I sure hope you don't discover later that she already married and this is the PPD show!

MairePoppy · November 2013

@mobkaz - LOL about the chair for a wedding present.

Rebl90 · November 2013

mobkaz said:

Rebl90 said:

@Mobkaz her wedding website says to bring an umbrella if it rains since 'the show must go on!!!!!' (exact quote btw)

Sweet Mother Mary. I apologize in advance for the insult I am about to hurl toward your friend, but I am shocked that someone so incredibly self absorbed and selfish was able to find the time to look beyond herself long enough to find someone to marry.

And "show" sounds beyond appropriate. I sure hope you don't discover later that she already married and this is the PPD show!

**Stuck in the box**

Yeah, when it comes to her wedding its as if she doesn't care about anyone's feelings, which is strange because I never considered her to act that way before. (I'm hoping this will stop after the wedding)

I highly doubt they would go to the trouble of being married in private then having this as a PPD since she isn't moving in with him until after the wedding. I feel that people would be more likely to have a PPD if they are already living together, but that is just my logic and it could be way off base!

Am I nuts?

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