How long should vows take?

Demedoll · April 2011

We are writing our own wedding vows and are not sure how long they should take. We've both only been to traditional weddings. The entire ceremony only has 30 minutes scheduled (beach wedding).

Is two minutes each too long? That is more than 10% of the ceremony. Do you think people would be bored? I have a rough draft that is 3/4 of a page and it takes about 90 seconds to read aloud (without crying). Too long? Thoughts anyone?

greygarnett · April 2011

I was wondering that myself. I looked up recommendations online and most sites are saying 45 secs to 1 min. I'm trying to keep mine in the 45 second range (because I know I will cry) but they are your vows to each other, I don't think anybody you invited will be "bored" with them. If you still had some things you wanted to tell him you could cut some things out of your vows and write a letter to give to him to read the day of.

mandi921vh · April 2011

I think 60 seconds is a good length.

Demedoll · April 2011

Thank you for the responses. I like the idea of writing him a letter with some of it rather than saying it during the vows part of the ceremony.

asialee2 · April 2011

We are aiming for a minute.

gettingmarried412 · April 2011

I think it just depends on how you want your ceremony to be. What else are you guys doing? Is that 30 minutes already pretty packed? We are writing our own vows, and we haven't really set a strict timeline on it. Honestly, I can't imagine saying what I want to say in my vows in 45 seconds, but I know that the guests wouldn't want to listen to 5 minutes of it either. I'm just trying to find a happy medium and our officiant will look at both of ours to make sure they are similar in length, etc. I think a personal letter the day of is a great idea too.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

Maybe find a book passage and set up a timer to beep at 45seconds, 1 minute and two minutes. Have a friend read it (or the newspaper or something) and sit there and do nothing but listen intensely to him/her.
How long can you stand? Sure its a nice story but do you really care after 45? Or a minute?

I don't know how long myself, just trying to think of ways to put things in perspectives. 45seconds sounds short but there is a lot of time in there listening to someone talk. Some guests will want to hear 5 minutes of mushing and others just want to get to the freaking cake. So its all perspective I think.
I would think past 2 minutes each is pushing it though, because that's 4 minutes of talk, plus round to 5 with crying, coughing, throat clearing and akward shuffling. That's a long time to sit quietly (1 minute of silence for mourning/rememberance...that's always a looooong minute).

Honestly have no idea though. And really, adults should be able to sit quietly for a few minutes! Focus on quality of your words and I think it'll take care of itself.

AnnieandStephen · June 2013

I think if anyone just wants to get to the cake after 45 seconds of someones vows, and they're not under the age of 10, then they shouldn't have been invited to share in such a momentous celebration of two people. I think mine will be about 1.5 minutes and I am not willing to cut anything out because that's what I want to say to my fiance in what is probably the most important thing I will ever say to him. Maybe im just defensive because i have so much to say haha But if anyone does get bored I just dont care!!

tiny speck · June 2013

Don't make them too long. I like hearing the couple say their vows, but when people write their own it's easy to get carried away and include too much. I have no idea how long ours were, but they were just the standard vows, so it was relatively quick.

Jen4948 · June 2013

tiny speck said:

Don't make them too long. I like hearing the couple say their vows, but when people write their own it's easy to get carried away and include too much. I have no idea how long ours were, but they were just the standard vows, so it was relatively quick.

This. If you feel the need to write your own vows, I'd keep them to under 2 minutes.

LDubHawksFan · June 2013

We wrote our own and I think they were under a minute but I think anything over 2 is too long.
Also a word of advice to those writing their own, give them to your officiant a few days ahead of time so they can make sure they are of similar length and formality. Ours did this and ours were left exactly as we wrote them, but we attended a wedding a week later where the bride's vows were very sincere and probably under a minute, and the groom, fitting with his personality, wrote a very eccentric and funny story for his vows that lasted nearly 5 mins. They were nice, but it was kind of awkward to have them so different.

axelandisabelle · June 2013

I'm actually not treating them as vows but more like personal words. I've edited mine down to less than 2 minutes. I'm hoping I could trim it to one minute, but I'm not very good with words and it takes time for me to say what I really wanted to say. So I'm asking the help of my best friend who's a writer.

When it comes to the tone, I don't really mind if the other one is more eccentric and funny. That's the reason they're called "personal". We should be able to inject our personality in the words we write. Otherwise, stick to the traditional vows.

deemarie072813 · November 2013

I am having this issue myself - my vows are atleast 1-2 minutes long and my fiance's is like 1-2 pgs long *YIKES* lol - i told him maybe we can write personal letters to each other the day of and incorporate it in our video in the background with the music and such...

kaos16 · November 2013

I also think it's important to keep in mind that no matter how long you time them to take at home, they will likely go faster during the real ceremony when you are all full of nerves and adrenaline. As a general rule, people tend to read faster in front of a group of people then they do when practicing at home.

Cordellia1 · November 2013

I officiated my BFF's wedding and got both of their a week or so ahead of time. I didn't give them a word limit but got the groom's vow first, saw it was around 150 words, and told my friend the length so she trimmed hers a bit.

News reporters write scripts at three words/second. Vows are often said a little bit more slowly, but this gives you a good idea. I would say anything from 130-170 words is ideal.

CLI242009 · November 2013

My FI and I are doing a Catholic mass wedding. So we will be saying our sacred vows but after we are going to do a lei exchange while saying our own personal vows.

I have no idea how long our vows are going to be. I haven't even started on mine yet.

babyjnil · November 2013

To me it really does not matter how long it is ...all that matter is that it comes from the heart and full of love...(lol it must make some one in the ceremony cry..lol..how touching)

CLI242009 · November 2013

babyjnil said:

To me it really does not matter how long it is ...all that matter is that it comes from the heart and full of love...(lol it must make some one in the ceremony cry..lol..how touching)

Agree with all bold! I know some don't like long vows or speeches but when they come from the heart, those are the best kind!!!

I love hearing vows/speech/toasts that come from the heart and make me cry. That's just me *shrugs* I don't care how long they are

How long should vows take?

Re: How long should vows take?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards