Wedding Etiquette Forum

Including Step-Grandparents in the Wedding?

So, we're planning to include grandparents in our procession. My fiancé's paternal grandparents live on the other side of the country, but have both confirmed that they'll be attending the wedding. They've been divorced for many, many years and the grandfather is currently on his fifth marriage, and his new wife is attending as well. I should add that I've never met any of them, and my fiancé has only seen his grandparents a handful of times in his life (no one else who's attending has met wife #5).

Do we have any obligation to include his new "step-grandmother" in the wedding? If we didn't, would it be weird to have the divorced grandparents walk down the aisle together?  Anyone been in a similar situation?? Without knowing any of them I wouldn't even begin to know how to ask them how they felt about it.

Re: Including Step-Grandparents in the Wedding?

  • I would have all grandparents walk with their current partners. On a day dedicated to love, it feels foolish to break up established couples, and it might be uncomfortable for his divorced grandparents to walk down the aisle together. It's like forcing them to acknowledge a relationship that isn't really there anymore, KWIM? If you wanted to get his step-grandmother a corsage, I'm sure she'd appreciate the gesture, but I don't see that as an obligation.
  • I would have all grandparents walk with their current partners. On a day dedicated to love, it feels foolish to break up established couples, and it might be uncomfortable for his divorced grandparents to walk down the aisle together. It's like forcing them to acknowledge a relationship that isn't really there anymore, KWIM? If you wanted to get his step-grandmother a corsage, I'm sure she'd appreciate the gesture, but I don't see that as an obligation.
    This. Let the grandparents walk with their own spouses. They might be uncomfortable walking together. 
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  • Thanks for the input! I know that his grandmother is still single, so I hope she's not uncomfortable with walking alone.
  • Hmmm... that'd be tricky. No one on my side could (small family!) but possibly I could find someone on fiancé's side. They are the only people on my fiancé's father's side who are invited due to massive amounts of family drama over there, so there wouldn't be anyone who she knew.
  • Thanks for the input! I know that his grandmother is still single, so I hope she's not uncomfortable with walking alone.
    My sister was in a similar situation last weekend for her wedding. Her H has divorced parents and he is close with all four sets of grandparents. They all walked down the aisle with their respective partners. My BF and two of the bridesmaid's BF's served as ushers. My BF ushered my mom down the aisle (my dad was with my sister) and another usher walked my sister's H's single grandmother down the aisle. All of her remaining male family members had someone else they were escorting and she was included as part of the wedding processional.



  • Hmmm... that'd be tricky. No one on my side could (small family!) but possibly I could find someone on fiancé's side. They are the only people on my fiancé's father's side who are invited due to massive amounts of family drama over there, so there wouldn't be anyone who she knew.
    Is your FI close to his grandmother? He could walk with her and his parents could walk together. Or have a groomsman escort her and double back down the side to walk down with the BM if that's how you're doing it.

    If you're having grandparents as part of the processional, they should walk with current partners - it'd be super weird to have divorced grandparents walk together. If it gets to complicated, you could decide to just have parents as part of the processional and just have the grandparents seated in the front row before things get started.
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  • At a wedding I went to recently, some of the groomsmen walked the grandmothers up the aisle.
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  • Is your FI close to his grandmother? He could walk with her and his parents could walk together. Or have a groomsman escort her and double back down the side to walk down with the BM if that's how you're doing it.

    If you're having grandparents as part of the processional, they should walk with current partners - it'd be super weird to have divorced grandparents walk together. If it gets to complicated, you could decide to just have parents as part of the processional and just have the grandparents seated in the front row before things get started.
    They aren't close at all. We're doing a Jewish procession where the all the grandparents are seated first, followed by the wedding party, and then we'll each be walked down by both parents. I really don't wanna compromise on this idea, so that's why I'm so conflicted with how to handle it. We weren't counting on these grandparents showing up (although don't get me wrong--I'm absolutely delighted that they're making the trip) considering they didn't even come to my FI's parents' wedding.
  • DH and I have 1 grandparent between us, my grandmother. When my uncle bailed at the last minute, we had a groomsman escort her into the wedding ceremony.  Once she was seated, he went to teh back room and joined the other groomsmen before they processed in.

    It worked out fine.

  • gmcr78 said:

    DH and I have 1 grandparent between us, my grandmother. When my uncle bailed at the last minute, we had a groomsman escort her into the wedding ceremony.  Once she was seated, he went to teh back room and joined the other groomsmen before they processed in.

    It worked out fine.

    Thank you! I think this might be the best solution for us. I thought it would be weird for her to walk with someone she doesn't know, but if that's a relatively normal thing then I won't worry about it.
  • At my sister's wedding many years ago, my brother ended up escorting both my grandmother and my mom down the isle.  It worked but it was funny. 

    I'd ask the grandma if she is comfortable walking down the isle by herself and if she'd prefer an escort if she has a preference on who it is, that way she can express concern about an escort she has never met.
  • You could have anyone escort the grandmother. It doesn't have to be a groomsman. My grandmother was escorted by one of the bride and groom's friends who wasn't in the wedding party.
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  • Thanks everyone! My FFIL offered to escort her so I think we'll end up doing that. The only problem I see is that he'll then have to double back, but I'm sure we'll be able to tweak that so it's not weird. I think that'll work best.
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