Wedding Party

Maid of Honor purely for planning purposes??

Hey!

I love all my bridesmaids, and by choosing a Maid of Honor I worry that I will just upset one or all of them! I really only want to choose a Maid of Honor for planning purposes... as in "Maid of Honor" = "Head of the Planning Committee" lol, and that the rest of the bridesmaids are equally important and are encouraged to also be involved in the planning.

Should I explain this to the rest of the bridesmaids, and how so? I also don't want it to come across the wrong way to the "Maid of Honor", as if she's not special.

Idk if this makes sense... lol

Re: Maid of Honor purely for planning purposes??

  • Just keep them all as bridesmaids. There is no way to say to one "I want you to be maid of honor to throw me parties, but I don't want to honor you by actually giving you a title." Any one of your bridesmaids can throw you a party if they want to. I don't know what other planning you mean but I would keep them all just a bridesmaids.

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  • Those girls aren't required to throw you a party.  Even if you did select one as MOH they should ask the rest for input to see if they even wanted in on throwing a party and not just run with it themselves.  If you're not particularly close with one girl just keep them all as BMs.
  • "Head of planning committee" is someone you hire. It's called a wedding planner and you can give them as many planning tasks and crappy jobs as you're willing to pay for. 

    The title "Maid of Honor" and "Bridesmaid" is an honorary title you give to your closest family/friends who will stand up next to you while you say your vows. They have absoltuely nothing to do with planning your wedding. That's your and your FI's job - and a wedding planner if you hire one.
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  • Oh Jesus.... I learned not to say such things....
  • Hride89 said:
    Hey!

    I love all my bridesmaids, and by choosing a Maid of Honor I worry that I will just upset one or all of them! I really only want to choose a Maid of Honor for planning purposes... as in "Maid of Honor" = "Head of the Planning Committee" lol, and that the rest of the bridesmaids are equally important and are encouraged to also be involved in the planning.

    Should I explain this to the rest of the bridesmaids, and how so? I also don't want it to come across the wrong way to the "Maid of Honor", as if she's not special.

    Idk if this makes sense... lol
    Please tell me you're just pulling our chains. 

    OP:  Read, then re-read what you wrote.  Fucking ridiculous, right?
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  • Head of what planning committee?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Hride89 said:
    Hey!

    I love all my bridesmaids, and by choosing a Maid of Honor I worry that I will just upset one or all of them! I really only want to choose a Maid of Honor for planning purposes... as in "Maid of Honor" = "Head of the Planning Committee" lol, and that the rest of the bridesmaids are equally important and are encouraged to also be involved in the planning.

    Should I explain this to the rest of the bridesmaids, and how so? I also don't want it to come across the wrong way to the "Maid of Honor", as if she's not special.

    Idk if this makes sense... lol
    image
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  • Hride89 said:
    Hey!

    I love all my bridesmaids, and by choosing a Maid of Honor I worry that I will just upset one or all of them! I really only want to choose a Maid of Honor for planning purposes... as in "Maid of Honor" = "Head of the Planning Committee" lol, and that the rest of the bridesmaids are equally important and are encouraged to also be involved in the planning.

    Should I explain this to the rest of the bridesmaids, and how so? I also don't want it to come across the wrong way to the "Maid of Honor", as if she's not special.

    Idk if this makes sense... lol
    image



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  • I'm sad for your bridesmaids, really.  Weddings are supposed to be joyous and fun, not a source of stress and frustration for your bridesmaids, who are also your friends, I'm assuming.  Don't do shitty things to your friends, plain and simple.  If you're going to be so controlling, plan the whole thing yourself and be done with it.  Your friends don't deserve this kind of bullshit.


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  • Lots of harsh comments on this thread. 

    To me, it sounds like you just want someone to help with the fun things but not necessarily make everyone help or feel offended.  A title is just a title - do whatever you'd like!  I have a Best Lady (aka Maid of Honor) and another best friend in the bridal party who loves throwing parties.  So I told her she can take the lead if they do any party planning.  Simple as that.  It's helpful to explain to the others, just so they know she's got that skill and can take the lead if they're curious. 


  • I don't think I really understand that either. Just make them all bridesmaids, but don't assume they will plan things. I have a maid and matron of honor that are jointly throwing me a shower because they both enjoy that type thing and want to do it. Just please do not give a label planning committee. I really do not understand. You are the bride. You plan the wedding. I honestly do not want any help planning my wedding (other than FI of course) because too many opinions=too much stress. 
  • You don't need to appoint a head of a planning committee. My MOH is my best friend and she is planning a bach party near where she lives. I have another BM that loves planning parties and can't make the other one, so we are doing a girls night near where we live too. It doesn't matter if a certain girl is MOH or not, they can all plan something just fine if they like. If one doesn't stand out, they will naturally figure out what pre wedding events they may be able to put together or not. And remember to leave it up to them.
  • My honest reply:

    When choosing a maid of honor, it is not of a 'who will throw me the best party' decision, but of a 'who has been my greatest support, that I want most at my side'.

    My MOH relationships with the brides have been based on my friendship with each of them and my desire to see her have the most enjoyable experience with her new groom. A lot of this has included planning, but because that is something I want to gift to her, because I personally am someone who enjoys planning. A fact is.. brides need their girlfriends for support, so that may just include trips to the reception hall if the groom can't go, or throwing her that last hoorah as a single woman to help relax her as she finalizes her last details just days before her big day.

    Don't decide based on who will throw the best party because she has the most money or you like her style, but think about who the most important women are in your life that you couldn't imagine not having at your side on your big day. if you can't name one as your MOH instantly then you don't need one. Yes, there are 'MOH Duties Lists' but at the end of the day its how well you and your bridesmaids know each other to truly show support!
  • A girl that I was good friends with from 2005-2010 but then kind of fell out of touch with (no fight, we just kind of drifted apart) got engaged last year.  I congratulated her via Facebook, which was how I found out.  A few weeks later she calls me asking if I'd be one of her bridesmaids.  I was so thrown off that I honestly replied, "Are you sure?  We haven't spoken in over a year".  Her response, "I know, but I know you're great at throwing parties and I know you have a lot more money to spend than any of my other bridesmaids...all brides deserve a nice shower and bachelorette party, right?"  I'm going to leave off the end of this story, you can guess whether or not I accepted the bridesmaid position.
  • eileenrob said:
    A girl that I was good friends with from 2005-2010 but then kind of fell out of touch with (no fight, we just kind of drifted apart) got engaged last year.  I congratulated her via Facebook, which was how I found out.  A few weeks later she calls me asking if I'd be one of her bridesmaids.  I was so thrown off that I honestly replied, "Are you sure?  We haven't spoken in over a year".  Her response, "I know, but I know you're great at throwing parties and I know you have a lot more money to spend than any of my other bridesmaids...all brides deserve a nice shower and bachelorette party, right?"  I'm going to leave off the end of this story, you can guess whether or not I accepted the bridesmaid position.
    Yikes. I'm gonna guess this bride heard peals of laughter and a *click.*
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  • edited December 2013
    I hope this isn't the only reason you want to pick someone to be your moh. i hope the girl is special to you... because that's what moh are for.. someone special who you want to have next to you... someone who  you can bounce ideas off of, and in my case, my moh asked if she could throw us a shower.
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