New York-Hudson Valley
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Advice for Dealing with Obstinate Mom?

First of all, thank you for reading this!  There has been such great information on these boards and I'm sorry my first post on this board has to be a bit of a sad one.

My fiance and I got engaged Memorial Day weekend, and my mom was very happy for us at first.  She offered a generous sum of money for our wedding, which we had booked at a nice hotel.  We also booked a photographer.  We were also about to book a DJ, but they never got a contract around to us.  Then the arguing began...my mom was angry about the number of guests my fiance's parents wanted to have, even though they were contributing money also.  Then my mother got angry about the number of guests in general, kept saying it couldn't be over 75, even though she had added so many people to the list making the guest list higher...essentially my fiance wouldn't have been able to have any of his family and cared ones there.  Then she got angry because for the hotel contract my fiance didn't sign it, I only did, although he paid half the deposit and his name was still on it.  The arguments became so numerous and bad, I was crying hysterically over it.  I started drinking before talking to my mother and avoiding talking her altogether. I was a social drinker before but it got to the point that one time I drank over 3/4 of a bottle of wine and did not even feel any effects.  I was developing a huge alcohol problem over this.  I then decided I would not involve my mother in the wedding process anymore.  I cancelled the wedding at the hotel and cancelled the photographer.  I told my mother I would only use my money to have the wedding and perhaps my fiance and I would do a destination wedding.  She would say ridiculous, hurtful things like she would not travel for the wedding (although she would travel to more inconvenient, expensive places to see her friends) and that I could not afford to get married.  It then got to the point that I stopped talking to her altogether.  I'm now in therapy, but it hasn't been helping too much because I'm not sure what to do about the situation.  I have a fitting for my dress next Saturday (my mom had bought my dress and accessories for me and I want to still wear them because they are so beautiful) but I'm not sure if I should even invite her.  As of now I'm just going with my future mom-in-law and my best friend.  

As for the wedding, it looks like my fiance and I will just get married by the town supervisor in a local restaurant or even our house...since I'm having to foot the bill it will have to be cheap, lol.

Any advice on what to do?  I'm convinced maybe this is just because my mom doesn't have a boyfriend lol...I think maybe she is jealous.  We used to be best friends, talk every day, visit often, but now I get very depressed after talking to her and feel the urge to drink.  It's not healthy for me physically or mentally.  

Thank you for reading and any guidance.

Best,
Jen

Re: Advice for Dealing with Obstinate Mom?

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    I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with mom. I think weddings change people or maybe show people's true colors. I had a problem with my mom too in the beginning, although it wasn't as bad as what you are having. At first she seemed happy, but then it seemed like she didn't care about the wedding at all. I would tell her things and she would just smile and nod. We were always very close and never fought, so I expected her to be ecstatic, but she was completely disinterested. I think most girls want their mothers to be super thrilled and when that doesn't happen, it's a huge disappointment. I think, and this is just speculation, that my mom was possibly jealous of me getting close with my fiance's family. I became pretty close to his mom, so maybe my mom was jealous. Maybe your mom is having a similar issue? Either way, this is your special time so try to enjoy it as much as possible. I hope you two patch things up.
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