Hand delivering invites??

soontobemrsbuccheri · December 2013

My FMIL, whom I love dearly (enter sarcasm font), requested that I "Hand Deliver" the invites to herself, FSIL, and Uncle during Christmas Eve. I told her that they would all be mailed out at the same time as the other invites on January 3rd. I told her it wouldn't be fair for me to give them their invites when my parents, sister and one of my brothers will also be at Christmas Eve Dinner. She said that it would be nice and that FSIL had done it for her wedding a few (6 or 7) years ago. I told her I thought it was tacky and rude. Not to mention, I haven't purchased postage or finished fully assembling them.

She keeps saying that she'd like hers at Christmas. I have kept firm at not giving it to her, but I'm afraid she'll go to FI and he'll cave (even though he agrees and backs me 110% with this!).

Agh. Is Hand-delivering considered rude? I feel like it is. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

kgd7357 · December 2013

It's not against etiquette if everyone gets one, but if you don't have them ready, just don't do it. If you can get enough for everyone ready in time and it would make her super happy, I would probably just give in. I'm hand delivering a few b/c these people are moving around when invites go out and I don't want them to get lost. My roommate is also getting hand delivered b/c I'm not mailing an invite to my own house.

Jen4948 · December 2013

I wouldn't hand-deliver invitations, especially in any situation where you're giving them to someone who isn't at home, might put down their invitation, and forget about it. I also would not do it in any situation where not everyone present gets an invitation.

I'd not bring them with you to the Christmas get-together and tell your FMIL, "I'm sorry you're disappointed, but as I said, these are going in the mail."

Maggie0829 · December 2013

She seriously cannot wait another fucking week to get her invite?

tammym1001 · December 2013

I wouldn't hand deliver them at Christmas either. Not only are you not finished putting them together and will have to rush, but it's Christmas. It's supposed to be about Christmas, not your wedding. I know you aren't making it that way, but that's what it will be about then if you start handing out invitations. It seems weird to me that she's so insistent on getting them on Christmas. Almost like she wants to be able to say she got her invitation before everyone else or something stupid.

soontobemrsbuccheri · December 2013

tammym1001 said:
I wouldn't hand deliver them at Christmas either. Not only are you not finished putting them together and will have to rush, but it's Christmas. It's supposed to be about Christmas, not your wedding. I know you aren't making it that way, but that's what it will be about then if you start handing out invitations. It seems weird to me that she's so insistent on getting them on Christmas. Almost like she wants to be able to say she got her invitation before everyone else or something stupid.

THIS!!!! Omg. This is exactly what I think she will do. FI and i both said NO to her and thats final. Christmas Eve dinner is at our house. I plan to "hide" the invites so she can't take any.

She is really getting more and more demanding. Im having a hard time dealing with her. Grrrr.

photokitty · December 2013

I would not die on this hill…I would give her, and only her, her invite. I could manage to assemble one by Xmas, heck probably have one already from testing out how it looks, and slap a stamp on the response card - that she will probably hand deliver back. I'd find a time when FI and I were alone with her and give it to her then - tell her is is a special delivery for Xmas and FSIL & uncles will arrive in the mail after the New Year.

For me it wouldn't be worth adding to the stress of the holiday.

If you don't give it to her I'd fear she's make Xmas all about your wedding and how she didn't get her invite as requested.

Jen4948 · December 2013

photokitty said:

I would not die on this hill…I would give her, and only her, her invite. I could manage to assemble one by Xmas, heck probably have one already from testing out how it looks, and slap a stamp on the response card - that she will probably hand deliver back. I'd find a time when FI and I were alone with her and give it to her then - tell her is is a special delivery for Xmas and FSIL & uncles will arrive in the mail after the New Year.

For me it wouldn't be worth adding to the stress of the holiday.
If you don't give it to her I'd fear she's make Xmas all about your wedding and how she didn't get her invite as requested.

But even if the OP does give her FMIL the invitation, she'll probably still make Christmas all about the OP's wedding and how she had to beg and push the OP into giving her the invitation-and how she didn't do it for everyone else there.

OP, stand your ground on this.

jdluvr06 · December 2013

I'm hand delivering a few of my invitations to some of my relatives on Christmas because they are moving and they don't want their invites to get lost. Idk how I would handle that though. I think it would depend on her. If she is the type who make a big deal out you bringing her invitation but no one else's then I wouldn't bring it. If she wouldn't make a big deal then I would go ahead and give it to her.

photokitty · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

I would not die on this hill…I would give her, and only her, her invite. I could manage to assemble one by Xmas, heck probably have one already from testing out how it looks, and slap a stamp on the response card - that she will probably hand deliver back. I'd find a time when FI and I were alone with her and give it to her then - tell her is is a special delivery for Xmas and FSIL & uncles will arrive in the mail after the New Year.

For me it wouldn't be worth adding to the stress of the holiday.
If you don't give it to her I'd fear she's make Xmas all about your wedding and how she didn't get her invite as requested.

But even if the OP does give her FMIL the invitation, she'll probably still make Christmas all about the OP's wedding and how she had to beg and push the OP into giving her the invitation-and how she didn't do it for everyone else there.

OP, stand your ground on this.

True, but I'd still appease FMIL and not make things worse. The holidays are enough stress in and of themselves. But that's MHO

GL!

Jen4948 · December 2013

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

I would not die on this hill…I would give her, and only her, her invite. I could manage to assemble one by Xmas, heck probably have one already from testing out how it looks, and slap a stamp on the response card - that she will probably hand deliver back. I'd find a time when FI and I were alone with her and give it to her then - tell her is is a special delivery for Xmas and FSIL & uncles will arrive in the mail after the New Year.

For me it wouldn't be worth adding to the stress of the holiday.
If you don't give it to her I'd fear she's make Xmas all about your wedding and how she didn't get her invite as requested.

But even if the OP does give her FMIL the invitation, she'll probably still make Christmas all about the OP's wedding and how she had to beg and push the OP into giving her the invitation-and how she didn't do it for everyone else there.

OP, stand your ground on this.

True, but I'd still appease FMIL and not make things worse. The holidays are enough stress in and of themselves. But that's MHO GL!

My point is, I don't think appeasing FMIL at Christmas will do anything to make things better or prevent or alleviate stress in the short run, and in the long run, it will contribute to deep resentment.

The FMIL doesn't come off as someone who can be appeased even temporarily. If she did I might agree with your course of action, but it sounds to me like this is a "my way or the highway" personality the OP is dealing with-in which case, it makes more sense to set a firm boundary early on that this kind of behavior is not acceptable and won't be rewarded by giving in to whatever she wants. She can get as pissy as she wants-on her own time and dime, not the OP's.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

FMIL can wait to get hers like everyone else. When H and I made our invitations my Mom and sister helped us so they wanted to take their invitations so we wouldn't have to worry about their postage. We did have three guests request we give them in person because their mail carrier was awful and they wanted to make sure they got the invitation.

soontobemrsbuccheri · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

I would not die on this hill…I would give her, and only her, her invite. I could manage to assemble one by Xmas, heck probably have one already from testing out how it looks, and slap a stamp on the response card - that she will probably hand deliver back. I'd find a time when FI and I were alone with her and give it to her then - tell her is is a special delivery for Xmas and FSIL & uncles will arrive in the mail after the New Year.

For me it wouldn't be worth adding to the stress of the holiday.
If you don't give it to her I'd fear she's make Xmas all about your wedding and how she didn't get her invite as requested.

But even if the OP does give her FMIL the invitation, she'll probably still make Christmas all about the OP's wedding and how she had to beg and push the OP into giving her the invitation-and how she didn't do it for everyone else there.

OP, stand your ground on this.

True, but I'd still appease FMIL and not make things worse. The holidays are enough stress in and of themselves. But that's MHO GL!

My point is, I don't think appeasing FMIL at Christmas will do anything to make things better or prevent or alleviate stress in the short run, and in the long run, it will contribute to deep resentment.

The FMIL doesn't come off as someone who can be appeased even temporarily. If she did I might agree with your course of action, but it sounds to me like this is a "my way or the highway" personality the OP is dealing with-in which case, it makes more sense to set a firm boundary early on that this kind of behavior is not acceptable and won't be rewarded by giving in to whatever she wants. She can get as pissy as she wants-on her own time and dime, not the OP's.

FMIL asked about it again last night when FI was on the phone with her confirming dinner times, etc. FI said NO and that's final. She does like to make EVERYTHING about her, and she was just asking for HER invite only this time. From the little bit of the conversation I did hear, she kind of went off when FI said no.

I have a feeling I'm going to be dealing with Christmas Eve Hell tonight.

(

JordanF13 said:

FMIL can wait to get hers like everyone else. When H and I made our invitations my Mom and sister helped us so they wanted to take their invitations so we wouldn't have to worry about their postage. We did have three guests request we give them in person because their mail carrier was awful and they wanted to make sure they got the invitation.

I can understand mail carriers being a PITA when it comes to mail delivery, and I wouldn't have an issue hand delivering their invites if they explained why and didn't DEMAND on numerous occasions to get their invites early. I really think that FMIL is trying to "ONE UP" FFIL and FSMIL because she likes to have all the attention. I was told on numerous occasions You don't have to like your FMIL, you just have to be able to deal/handle her. Agh. It's too early for this sh*t.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

From your added info, her butt would not be getting an invitation early. I just don't see how her being able to say she got the first invite will do anything. It doesn't fucking matter who gets the invite first. She sounds like a drama llama. If she brings up anything tonight I would completely ignore it and start talking about something else. If she throws a hissy fit over not getting the invitation first then she will look like a fucking child and completely ridiculous.

soontobemrsbuccheri · December 2013

Maggie0829 said:

From your added info, her butt would not be getting an invitation early. I just don't see how her being able to say she got the first invite will do anything. It doesn't fucking matter who gets the invite first. She sounds like a drama llama. If she brings up anything tonight I would completely ignore it and start talking about something else. If she throws a hissy fit over not getting the invitation first then she will look like a fucking child and completely ridiculous.

Well, they're hidden away and even if I tried to get to them right now, I'd have to move 3 heavy pieces of furniture. Not happening!!!

Hand delivering invites??

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