Does my Fiance' Really want to get Married??

Re: Does my Fiance' Really want to get Married??

• AddieCake member

  

  April 2013

  My husband and I were engaged for over 2 years before we got married. The whole first year, I was the one not wanting to talk wedding. I absolutely wanted to marry him, but I felt very overwhelmed at the prospect of planning a wedding b/c I felt I had no idea what I was doing, what anything would cost, etc, I also had just been promoted to the head of the English department at the school I taught at, which was a huge demand on my time. I was just NOT ready to take on the task of wedding planning. Eventually, I got comfortable with it and started planning. Maybe he just needs some time, too.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• Summer2011Bride member

  

  April 2013

  If it were me, I would be upfront with him about how you feel. Tell him that you have concerns about his reaction to wedding talk and are perfectly fine with taking it slow, waiting to plan and enjoying the engagement (if you are), but that his anger when you bring it up concerns you. It could be, like Addie said, that he just needs some time to get comfortable with the idea of planning and felt rushed when you brought it up a lot. But if there is something deeper going on, it would be good to find that out now and talk about it rather than months down the road. Just be honest with him.

  
  
  
  
  

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• YoursEtcRachel

  

  April 2013

  I would maybe give him a bit more time, and then go to him as respectfully and understandingly as possible and ask when he would like to start talking about setting a date. Don't be confrontational or angry, but vocalize what you are feeling and then ASK QUESTIONS! You care about him and his opinion, so make him feel like it by asking him what he thinks and then listening to him and trying to work it through together. Whatever you do, don't start "punishing" him for something he doesn't even know he's doing wrong...be honest and kind, but definitely let him know what you're thinking!

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• rashidas member

  

  December 2013

  this helped me. my fiancee wants to wait till after the holidays to set a date. im not sure why. it a date in the future...something to look forward to. what you think

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• manateehugger member

  

  December 2013

  @rashidas - have you asked him why? What's his hesitation?

  
  

  Have you talked budget and timing in general terms? You can't really set a date until you start booking vendors anyway.

  

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• rashidas member

  

  December 2013

  @pdkH not doing a big wedding just going to justice of the peace.  he says he just spend alot of money on ring and gifts to family so i understand that much

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• raw1299 member

  

  December 2013

  No planning for almost a year? That really doesn't sound right...

  
  

  I said this on another thread, but that's really a pet peeve of mine. It really paints you two as a couple in a bad light. No offense, but I'm sure all of your family thinks this is fake, and you probably wont get married. Not wanting to talk or plan your wedding, or take time to plan, makes me think 1. you guys don't really want to get married, and 2. bad communication

  
  

  I would of brought this up a few months after getting engaged, not almost a whole year. If you don't bring it up now, and talk about it, everyone else is going to be asking the questions (esp. if your seeing family for the holidays), and it's going to make you both look bad if you can't decide or agree on things. 

  
  

  I would voice that you want to start planning, and start setting a budget and date. You can definitely do a fairly nice wedding for under 5k. 

  
  

  If he dodges the subject, tell him he's had almost a whole year to think about it. If he's not serious, tell him then whats the point of being engaged, and move on. This might be the most difficult option, but if he wont sit down, and talk to his future wife, then the whole relationship means nothing. 

  Married 10/09/11

  Miss Claire born 5/29/13
  

  Our Happy Little Family

  
  

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• Lily9911 member

  

  December 2013

  PetiteOne67 said:

  Help!  I need some opinions / insight from women (my friends are all men, and so far I've just discussed this with my Brother-in-Law who is typically a great help.)
  
  My boyfriend, now fiance, proposed to me in January (2013), a year to the day of our 1 yr. together anniversary. (We dated for a year 9 years ago as well, but that's another story.)  After dating again after the long break, I moved in with him in May, so we dated for essentially 4 months.  I rented out my condo and in 2 weeks it will have been 1 year since we have been living together.  So... together for going on 16 months; cohabitating for going on 1 yr.
  
  Anywho... I accepted his unexpected proposal (he was in tears and on bended knee... I thought he was ill at first, until he started talking).  He didn't have an engagement ring to give me at the time, as he is very tight on money due to his job, paycuts, etc.  I understood this, but then as time went on, I really wanted SOMETHING, no matter how small.  I mentioned / hinted a few times and he would just get irritated, borderline angry, so I dropped it.
  
  About 3 weeks ago, he mentioned going to the jewlery store to get an engagement ring, as he got his tax refund.  I was shocked!  We even went a long distance, in a blizzard!  I got a petite ring that fits my petite fingers, and I LOVE it.  I began feeling more optimistic, but now I'm not so sure again. 
  
  Is it perfectly reasonable for me to be asking about when we are going to talk about setting a date?????  I don't think this is a lot to ask, especially as it takes no money, and shouldn't be a big, negative deal.  I have friends from out-of-state, no matter how small of a wedding we are having, that will need plenty of advance notice, and he doesn't get that.  Even my Mom said she needs to know for the caterer!  Still, nothing.  Whenver I even mention anything to do with the wedding, something I'd like, and idea, or setting a date, he gets angry... tells me that he said he wanted to take it slow... and changes the subject.  Then, I get upset and withdraw.  I am now not mentioning ANYTHING about a wedding, being engaged, how much I love my ring, if I get compliments, etc. 
  
  Please let me know what any of you make of this???  I really need to know what may be going on with him so I can decide how to proceed.
  
  Thank you!
  "Sad and Confused in Colorado"

  Personally, I don't think that he doesn't want to get married since the proposal as you said, was unexpected. I would probably say "no" if you were pushing him for a proposal. Most people take years before getting married, some take just months or a year. It's different for everyone.

  
  

  Your mom needs to chill with questions about a caterer, how does she know anything about a caterer if you have nothing planned? Also, giving people advance notice if they are out of town is nice but, even if you were getting married a year from today, that's plenty notice. I can't see that being an issue unless FI decides he wants to marry you in 3 months. 

  
  

  I was going to write more but then I just realized this is an old thread.... @petiteone67 updates?

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