Gift/card tables

sarahsmiles326 · January 2014

What is the etiquette board's opinion on gift tables and card boxes at wedding receptions?

AddieCake · January 2014

We had one, and I've never been to a wedding without one.

Inkdancer · January 2014

I have no problem with them, because there should certainly be somewhere for gifts to be placed if a guest brings them.

However, it should not be centrally located, so that there isn't any "look who did or did not bring a gift".

Ven&Radio · January 2014

I believe they're technically against etiquette (because gifts really should be sent to the bride or groom's house and not brought to the wedding itself). However, they're generally accepted because it provides a convenience for both the guests who choose to bring a gift or card to the wedding and the bride and groom.

tigersgirlgv · January 2014

Every wedding I've been to has had one. As a guest I'd be kind of confused/annoyed if you didn't have one and I had nowhere to put my gift/card. I think as long as you don't make it a giant table in a really obvious or obnoxious location, you're OK ettiquette-wise.

AddieCake · January 2014

We didn't receive a single gift sent to our home other than checks from people who didn't attend. I'm sure our guests would have been confused and asking "Where should we put this?" if there wasn't a gift table.

manateehugger · January 2014

You technically aren't supposed to put one out because that indicates you are assuming people will bring you gifts, and technically guests are supposed to send gifts before the wedding.

However, in reality, many people will bring you gifts and cards to the wedding. I think having a table off to the side is much more appropriate than having guests wonder around trying to ask someone where to place their gift or card.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

Again, technically they're etiquette incorrect, because gifts are supposed to be sent ahead of time. But, like @AddieL73, I've never attended a wedding without one. It's interesting because around here, a gift table isn't seen as rude or gift-grabby, but a card box (like it seems the rest of the country uses) IS seen as grabby, as if guests are expected to put money in it even if they've already given a gift. In my circle, it follows the same guidelines as a money tree or wishing well, people see a card box as exactly the same. If people bring a card with money they're expected to put it on the gift table. Yes, I know it makes no sense whatsoever, but after polling my friends and family, this is the answer I got.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

melbelleup · January 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

Again, technically they're etiquette incorrect, because gifts are supposed to be sent ahead of time. But, like @AddieL73, I've never attended a wedding without one. It's interesting because around here, a gift table isn't seen as rude or gift-grabby, but a card box (like it seems the rest of the country uses) IS seen as grabby, as if guests are expected to put money in it even if they've already given a gift. In my circle, it follows the same guidelines as a money tree or wishing well, people see a card box as exactly the same. If people bring a card with money they're expected to put it on the gift table. Yes, I know it makes no sense whatsoever, but after polling my friends and family, this is the answer I got.

Interesting because the card box usually goes on the gift table.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

melbelleup said:

RebeccaB88 said:

Again, technically they're etiquette incorrect, because gifts are supposed to be sent ahead of time. But, like @AddieL73, I've never attended a wedding without one. It's interesting because around here, a gift table isn't seen as rude or gift-grabby, but a card box (like it seems the rest of the country uses) IS seen as grabby, as if guests are expected to put money in it even if they've already given a gift. In my circle, it follows the same guidelines as a money tree or wishing well, people see a card box as exactly the same. If people bring a card with money they're expected to put it on the gift table. Yes, I know it makes no sense whatsoever, but after polling my friends and family, this is the answer I got.

Interesting because the card box usually goes on the gift table.

Yep, it is interesting, isn't it? But here, card box = money tree = rude. Even the simple idea that cards can disappear, get lost, misplaced, separated from boxes, etc, doesn't change things. People are still appalled by card boxes. But, boxed gifts are the norm here rather than cash gifts, so that might be part of it. Only a couple people I know give cash gifts.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

s-aries8990 · January 2014

Most of the time, when I have seen them, there is a guest book/gift table combo.

I went to one without a gift table, and everyone put their cards/gifts on or under the small high-top cocktail table that held the favors. It was really messy looking.

delujm0 · January 2014

Is this rude? I've never been to a wedding without one. We always bring a card to weddings, and the table is generally located by the entrance to the reception so that we can drop it off there. I was planning to put a basket or something to stick cards in out for our guests, probably on the same table as the favors (most guests are OOT so i doubt we'll get any boxed gifts at the wedding - i assume they'd be sent ahead of time). Someone let me know if that would be offensive to them, because if it's going to offend, i'd obviously rather not to it.

sarahsmiles326 · January 2014

@rebeccab88 that's so interesting! I would never have thought of that.

I love hearing everyone's viewpoints. Thanks ladies!

indianaalum · January 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

melbelleup said:

RebeccaB88 said:

Again, technically they're etiquette incorrect, because gifts are supposed to be sent ahead of time. But, like @AddieL73, I've never attended a wedding without one. It's interesting because around here, a gift table isn't seen as rude or gift-grabby, but a card box (like it seems the rest of the country uses) IS seen as grabby, as if guests are expected to put money in it even if they've already given a gift. In my circle, it follows the same guidelines as a money tree or wishing well, people see a card box as exactly the same. If people bring a card with money they're expected to put it on the gift table. Yes, I know it makes no sense whatsoever, but after polling my friends and family, this is the answer I got.

Interesting because the card box usually goes on the gift table.

Yep, it is interesting, isn't it? But here, card box = money tree = rude. Even the simple idea that cards can disappear, get lost, misplaced, separated from boxes, etc, doesn't change things. People are still appalled by card boxes. But, boxed gifts are the norm here rather than cash gifts, so that might be part of it. Only a couple people I know give cash gifts.

I definitely think that is a regional thing. Most people in my area give cash/checks as a wedding gift so would not think twice of a card box. I think I received 3 actual wedding gifts for the most part

Inkdancer · January 2014

indianaalum said:

RebeccaB88 said:

melbelleup said:

RebeccaB88 said:

Again, technically they're etiquette incorrect, because gifts are supposed to be sent ahead of time. But, like @AddieL73, I've never attended a wedding without one. It's interesting because around here, a gift table isn't seen as rude or gift-grabby, but a card box (like it seems the rest of the country uses) IS seen as grabby, as if guests are expected to put money in it even if they've already given a gift. In my circle, it follows the same guidelines as a money tree or wishing well, people see a card box as exactly the same. If people bring a card with money they're expected to put it on the gift table. Yes, I know it makes no sense whatsoever, but after polling my friends and family, this is the answer I got.

Interesting because the card box usually goes on the gift table.

Yep, it is interesting, isn't it? But here, card box = money tree = rude. Even the simple idea that cards can disappear, get lost, misplaced, separated from boxes, etc, doesn't change things. People are still appalled by card boxes. But, boxed gifts are the norm here rather than cash gifts, so that might be part of it. Only a couple people I know give cash gifts.

I definitely think that is a regional thing. Most people in my area give cash/checks as a wedding gift so would not think twice of a card box. I think I received 3 actual wedding gifts for the most part

It totally is. My half of the guest list is almost sure to buy boxed gifts, and my fiance's half is almost sure to give money. Every circle is different.

Belthil · January 2014

We got 3 boxed gifts and everyone else gave money (approx 90 people). People would've been really confused if we didn't have a spot for the gifts/cards to go so we had our card box/ gift table on the same table as the guestbook (it was a long table so it wasn't crowded).

joannaeberhart · January 2014

Oddly enough, I sent a friend's wedding gift to her house and she got very confused.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Once I brought a gift to a wedding without a gift table. I asked a couple of people in the wedding party,who referred me back and forth, as well as the groom's mother (she is my dad's first cousin) where I could put my gift, and she told me to put it in a room they were using for storage.

I never got a thank-you for my gift, but the groom's mother (not the groom himself, I don't know why) called me to tell me the gift was lost.

I will never bring a gift to a wedding again.

GrrArgh · January 2014

We are having a gift table and a card box but that's pretty normal for our area. I've never side-eyed a card box, probably because I don't associate card = money. I almost always send a gift ahead but still drop a card in the card box (both with and without money depending on how much I spent on the boxed gift)- I give a card to simply wish the couple well and most of my friends are big scrapbookers so I know they like things to include on pages.

hellohkb · January 2014

GrrArgh said:

We are having a gift table and a card box but that's pretty normal for our area. I've never side-eyed a card box, probably because I don't associate card = money. I almost always send a gift ahead but still drop a card in the card box (both with and without money depending on how much I spent on the boxed gift)- I give a card to simply wish the couple well and most of my friends are big scrapbookers so I know they like things to include on pages.

I agree! I don't necessarily associate a card with money or gift cards. At the last wedding I went to, I sent a gift from the registry and I brought a card to the wedding (no money or gift card, just a card with well wishes

thisismynickname2 · January 2014

hellokellybean said:

GrrArgh said:

We are having a gift table and a card box but that's pretty normal for our area. I've never side-eyed a card box, probably because I don't associate card = money. I almost always send a gift ahead but still drop a card in the card box (both with and without money depending on how much I spent on the boxed gift)- I give a card to simply wish the couple well and most of my friends are big scrapbookers so I know they like things to include on pages.

I agree! I don't necessarily associate a card with money or gift cards. At the last wedding I went to, I sent a gift from the registry and I brought a card to the wedding (no money or gift card, just a card with well wishes

Same here! Most people in my area order off the registry and ship to the address on file with the registry OR bring a card with cash to the wedding. I feel much safer putting a card in a box than laying it somewhere random.

mimiphin · January 2014

I have always assumed that a card box is just A) a secure place to put cards so they don't get lost,

make the table look pretty, and C) are just really convenient.

I would just make sure that the gift table/card box/whatever is inside the hall/banquet area and not just in a hallway where gifts could wander off, it's not that I don't trust people but... I don't trust people.

WildMagelet · January 2014

I've never been to a wedding without one.

I actually had no idea you're supposed to mail the gift to the couple at their home until I joined TK.

lovesclimbing · January 2014

We had exactly two gifts sent to our home and at least 20-25 boxed gifts as well as 25+ cards brought to the wedding.

BlueBirdMB · January 2014

Most of my family/friends bought us physical gifts and the vast majority of those were sent to our house before the wedding. We did have a present table with a card container. I have never been to a wedding without this. The table was used for about 5 presents and cards.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

flutterbride2b said: I've never been to a wedding without one.
I actually had no idea you're supposed to mail the gift to the couple at their home until I joined TK.

Do you know why you are supposed to send the physical gifts to the bride and groom's home? Because someone has to take care of those gifts at the end of the wedding. If it's just a box filled with cards, that's no big deal. Or if it's just a few gifts, also not a big deal. My sister got a lot of boxed gifts at her wedding. Guess who had to schlep the gifts to the cars (yes plural-3 cars), and then schlep the gifts inside to my parent's house- not an easy task, there are a lot of stairs. Me, my now FI, my parent's and the groom's sister. It was so exhausting after a very long day. When we got to my parent's house, I did one trip, and then took my dress off and went to bed. My dad and my FI did the majority. I will never bring a boxed gift to a wedding. (I usually send the gift ahead of time, or only bring a card with money).

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