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Best friend got engaged first, would it be rude to have my wedding a month before hers?

katers711katers711 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My best friend and I met our fiances within a few weeks of each other. He proposed to her this past August and I got engaged last month. My best friend is getting married November 2014 and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. My fiance and I want to get married in October, but that would be a month before my best friend's wedding. I'd like to ask her to be my maid of honor. Is this ok to do? The summer was too soon for us to get married, we didn't want to have a winter wedding and we thought Spring 2015 would too long of an engagement. We're not getting any younger-  I'm 31 and my fiance is 34 and we'd like to start a family shortly after we're married. Would it be disrespectful or rude of me to plan a wedding a month before hers and also ask her to be my maid of honor? help! honest feedback please!
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Re: Best friend got engaged first, would it be rude to have my wedding a month before hers?

  • katers711katers711 member
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    Thank you, Rebecca. I've really been struggling with this! Her wedding isn't until the end of November so I would definitely be back in time for hers. Thank you so much for your response!
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  • phiraphira member
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    Totally fine.
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
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    Nothing wrong with it :) Feel free to ask her. She can decide if it's something she can handle or not. I'm in a wedding 3 weeks after ours, but my one BM's wedding is a few weeks before ours and unfortunately can't make sense of us driving 16 hours for her wedding (and spending at least $100 in gas) for it then doing it again for ours, and again for my brother's wedding. Sometimes we have to sacrifice things we normally wouldn't if weddings were spread out, but it happens.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    As long as you don't get married the same day as your best friend, get married whenever you want to.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    Everyone gets one day and it would be selfish and immature of your friend to be mad at your for choosing a date before hers. Getting married is not a race so it shouldn't matter one bit if you get married before her.


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  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
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    Totally fine. Unless she is going to be bridezilla about it
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    You each get one day, so getting married a month before her isn't a problem at all.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
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    Unless she's completely unreasonable, there shouldn't be a problem.  If you are really concerned about it, just ask if she thinks it will be a problem.  It really shouldn't be an issue though.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Totally fine. My cousin got engaged 3 weeks after me and is getting married 3 weeks before me. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. 
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
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    One of my BMs got engaged three months after me and is getting married two weeks before me.  She is getting back from her Honeymoon the day of my rehearsal.  And I couldn't be happier for her.  I am also in her wedding.

     

    No issues on either end!  If your friend thinks she can't handle MOH duties so close to her own wedding, she doesn't have to be in your bridal party (though the only real "duties" are to show up the day of the wedding in whatever dress you've selected, so really she should be fine).

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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    One of my BM's got engaged 6 months before us, but didn't set a date until a couple weeks after we got engaged in June. The only summer 2014 date that was free at the venue we wanted was 2 weeks before hers. I still really wanted her to be a BM, so I wrote her a letter about how much it would mean to me, but I totally understand if it would be too much. She called me, and said she was touched and would be honored. I was so happy. We decided to hold off on our honeymoon until after her wedding, so we could be there for her too. A nice note goes a long way!

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  • lc07lc07 member
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    edited January 2014
    There is no problem having your wedding prior to hers but I wouldn't be surprised if it is too expensive or too difficult to her to take off of work etc. if she needs to to attend your wedding in close proximity to her own. This could always be a problem even if she wasn't getting married the following month, though.

    What I'm trying to say is there is no etiquette faux-paus in getting married before her. But you can't necessarily expect her to say yes to being your MOH.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    Even if friend does go all Bridezilla about it, she's out of line! A month is plenty of time to get married, have honeymoon and be back in time for friend's bridal festivities. Like PPs said you get 1 day and friend gets 1 day.
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  • BelthilBelthil member
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    As long as you don't get married on the same day as her you're fine. And if she makes a big deal about it she's being rude.

    If you want her to be your MOH then you should ask her. It's up to her to decide if she will be able to. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    lc07 said:

    There is no problem having your wedding prior to hers but I wouldn't be surprised if it is too expensive or too difficult to her to take off of work etc. if she needs to to attend your wedding in close proximity to her own. This could always be a problem even if she wasn't getting married the following month, though.


    What I'm trying to say is there is no etiquette faux-paus in getting married before her. But you can't necessarily expect her to say yes to being your MOH.
    I share this view of monetary concerns and time off.
    ________________________________


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  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
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    huynhette said:
    Totally fine. Unless she is going to be bridezilla about it
    Agreed. But in the case that she does, we might be seeing her soon on the boards complaining.

    Other that, OP, you both do indeed get only one day. I don't see her getting upset, but if she does then that is her bad and not yours.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    kgd7357 said:

    One of my BM's got engaged 6 months before us, but didn't set a date until a couple weeks after we got engaged in June. The only summer 2014 date that was free at the venue we wanted was 2 weeks before hers. I still really wanted her to be a BM, so I wrote her a letter about how much it would mean to me, but I totally understand if it would be too much. She called me, and said she was touched and would be honored. I was so happy. We decided to hold off on our honeymoon until after her wedding, so we could be there for her too. A nice note goes a long way!

    I think a note is a great idea! Sometimes when when people get caught up in the excitement of weddings they may over react initially. Instead of springing it on her and possibly catching her off guard... a note will make her realize pretty much what everyone has said above!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I think you'll be fine. I think the key is going to be that you are both respective that the other is getting married so make sure to get a budget for her BM dress and keep in mind, it may not be very much since she will have her own wedding coming up. Also be respective of her time as she may not have as much time to help you with some of your wedding stuff since she will be busy doing hers at the same time. Hopefully she will be just as respectful of your time & budget because of your wedding.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    There's nothing wrong with picking the date that works the best for you.

    But I would keep in mind that since you are getting married pretty close in time, you may not be able to be there for each other as much as if your wedding dates were further apart.  Both of you will need to respect the limitations on each other's schedules and budgets.  For example, I wouldn't pressure her to buy a really expensive dress for your wedding since the amount of money she'll have available to spend will be lower than what it might otherwise be if her wedding wasn't approaching.
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