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STDate Question

smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Background: recently, my mother has confided in my that she will be asking my step father for a divorce. Also, I just booked the hotel block and its time to sent STDate.

soo, my question is, I was originally intending on inviting my step dad's parents (his mom, and his dad and step mom). Now I have already told my mom that I will invite his dad and step mom, because they have been very good to me growing up. My dilemma is with his mom. I don't like her and was inviting her out of obligation. Should I hold off and not send her an STDate that way I don't have to invite her if/when my parents split.

What do you do Knotties?
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Re: STDate Question

  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    I would not send a Save the Date. They are not required for anyone, they are just a courtesy.
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  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
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    Once you send the STD, you have to invite them to the wedding.  If there is even a question of whether or not you will want them on the guestlist when invitations go out, then do not send them an STD.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    I agree with @Inkdancer. It's something you can revisit when it's time to send out invitations. Hugs to you, this has to be difficult.
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  • cruffinocruffino member
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    hold off on the STD for everyone in his family. when you're ready to send the invitations, you'll have a better handle on the situation. sorry.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    The only people who really need to receive STDs are people you absolutely need at your wedding; the "we can't do it without you" people.  It's also a kindness to send them to out-of-town guests or others who may need more advance time to make travel and time-off arrangements.  But you don't need to send one to everyone on your guest list.

    If there is anyone on your guest list you're not 100% sure you want to invite, and it sounds like your stepdad's parents are on that list, you need not send them an STD.
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
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    edited January 2014
    I apologize, I left out some detail (my bad!) My step dad's parents and his mom are both OOT and my plan was to only send STDates out to OOT guests.

    ETA Thanks for the support you guys. It is what it is, what I want most is for my mom to be happy, I know she has been struggling with that for the last year or so. I am happy she is making the right decision for her.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I agree not to send them. That way it buys you time to know what you'll be doing come invitation time. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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