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Coworker bought a gift, not invited to wedding?

hfox3953hfox3953 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm getting married in April and had a couple of people at work ask where we are registered. One of my coworkers has already purchased something off of our registry, and basically said he is still wrapping it, even though I know what it is. 

However, he is not on my guest list. Am I obligated to try and make room for him and his wife at the wedding because I know he bought us a gift? We are having a very small (40 guests), intimate wedding. There are only two people from my office that are being invited and that is because they are very close friends outside of work. 

Any suggestions on how to handle this is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
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Re: Coworker bought a gift, not invited to wedding?

  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    That's tough. The right thing to do is to graciously accept the gift and send a thank you note, assuming you never gave this coworker the idea that he was invited to the wedding.

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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    dupe

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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Nope. Anyone can buy you a gift. They don't have to be invited. Just be thankful and make sure to write a heartfelt thank you note.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    You don't have to invite someone just because they gave you a gift.  Send them a really nice sincere thank-you note and let it go at that.

    If they inquire about being invited, tell them that unfortunately it is not possible for you and your FI to invite everyone you'd like.
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You're not required to invite him and his wife, but if your budget and venue would allow for another two guests, and it wouldn't be a huge problem to invite them, it would be a nice gesture.  
    Also, when he was talking to you, did it sound like he thought he was invited?  He might just be super generous.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I had a guy I went to school with and did research with who got married. I asked where he was registered and bought him a gift just because I was happy for him and did not expect to be invited. I just like buying gifts :)

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  • hfox3953hfox3953 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    It definitely didn't sound like he thought he was invited, and in previous conversations about the wedding I have told him that we are just doing a small, intimate wedding for close friends and family. I did express a sincere thank you, and even made the comment about him being my first thank you card that I get to write! 

    Thanks for everyone's inputs!
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  • KickAssMOHKickAssMOH member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I got some gifts from my coworkers as well, and they mostly all knew they were not being invited. Some of them were group gifts, some from the registry, and others were more personal. I was dilligent with my thank-you notes for the personal items, and thank-you's for the bigger gifts as well. My co-workers knew that two of my team-mates and my 5 bosses were invited to my wedding, whereas the rest of the group of 60+ people were not invited.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    If someone wants to buy you a gift, that is their decision. As long as they are not invited to a shower or something, there is no reason you need to invite him/her.  If people had to invite every person who bought them a wedding present, than the present becomes the "ticket" into the event. Just like you shouldn't expect a gift from someone you invite, someone you don't invite shouldn't expect an invitation because they bought you a present.
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  • BeyondHappyBeyondHappy member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    We didn't invite anyone from my work or his work.   But I got a gift from the woman I do some projects with at work, and I got a group gift from the women whose offices are near mine.  I wrote nice TYs and moved on.
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  • MariaBend25MariaBend25 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    Where I am from, buying a gift off the registry is separate from giving a gift (money) at the wedding. To me and possibly to your co-worker, giving a gift is a nice act of congratulations for the marriage, and if I received an invite to the weddings afterwards I would then feel obligated to give a monetary gift at the reception as well.

    I agree with PP, just write a grateful thank you note.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I am going to ditto the rest of the responses and assure you that it is not unusual for people to give a wedding gift, even knowing full well they are not invited to the wedding.  Lots of people enjoy making a nice, congratulatory gesture to someone they care about/esteem.  I have done it myself and, when I recently got married, had a surprising number of people buy me gifts who definitely did not expect an invitation (the wedding was across the country from where I live).  Three of them were from coworkers.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I frequently buy a couple a gift off their registry knowing full well I'm not invited to the wedding.  It's just a way to say congratulations/best wishes.  Your co-worker most likely does not expect an invitation.  Just write a heartfelt thank you note.  And happy planning in the final stretch!
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  • hfox3953hfox3953 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Thank you everyone!
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