Snarky Brides

FFIL Vent

So my FFIL just sent my fiance and email, stating that my fiance's grandmother (who lives with fiance's parents) came to him very upset, admitting that her step-grandson (father in law's brother's step-son, I think that's what he'd be?) is having his wedding the same date as ours, 10/11/14. She said she'd known about it since they picked it out "a year ago" and failed to say anything about it when we were planning our dates. 

Anyway, my FFIL emailed my fiance in a very polite, courteous manner, asking him basically if we could change our date (which we already moved from 10/25/14 at his request). We are paying for this whole wedding on our own--no help from the parents. We've already booked and paid 1/3 of the caterer. We've booked and deposited money on the photographer (Who is only available Oct. 11 and 25). Anyway, just to let my fiance say we tried, I called the caterer to see if they have any other dates open in October--and they actually have all four weekends open. 

I've already made my STDs, and, at the risk of TMI--adjusted the timing of my period via my birth control so that it works out with the wedding date. 

My fiance responded very politely to his father and explained the situation with the photographer and the fact that Oct 25 would be too chilly for an outdoors wedding where we live.

FFIL CALLED THE CATERER. And responded to my fiance saying "Oh well they have September 27th available."

Yes, I could technically re-do all the STDs and adjust the timing of my period AGAIN to accommodate these random out of state relatives who might not come to the wedding and his grandmother. But my issue is that he CALLED THE CATERER. TO CHECK UP ON ME. 

Maybe I'm just PMSing, but I just think that's rude. 

Re: FFIL Vent

  • Thank you! And he has the number for the caterer because they're local and he knows which caterer we're using. He isn't contributing monetarily. Great idea on telling the caterer not to talk about the details of our wedding with anyone but us--noted!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    That is ridiculous. How did he get the caterer's number? I would stand firm with your date [especially since you already changed it once for him] and not share ANY details with him. Did the caterer know that he was inquiring about your wedding? I would let my vendors know that they are not to discuss any details with anyone but you and your FI. Honestly, he has some nerve asking you to change your date, IMO.
                                 Anniversary
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    bnwright0721
  • Thank you. I'm glad I'm not just crazy.

    My fiance responded to his last email with :

    "We already spoke to the caterer prior to responding to your email. Unfortunately, no other date will work for us."

    And so that's that.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I'm just in shock. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. He crossed the line and then some. Hopefully now he gets the hint to back off.
    bnwright0721
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    Ugh. How absurd. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    bnwright0721grumbledore
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    My mom changed my date without asking me. But she did it, like, 2 days after we picked the original date. She did it because she didn't want it to conflict with another wedding we are going to. 

    It would've pissed me off except the new date was better for all of us. But it kind of made me mad that she did it without asking me. She asked them to hold the new date and told me to call to confirm. I suppose I could've said no, but they are paying and it worked out for the best anyway.

    But I certainly wouldn't do it if I had stuff printed already!
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    bnwright0721
  • man if I already did save the dates and had deposits down I would not change the date, and I agree it was a major boundary over step on FFIL that your fiance needs to address with him.  End of the day if it is just the photographer and caterer that need to be switched and you know they can easily accomodate a new date you can do it, but I would tell FFIL he needs to pay for new STD's! Do you have a venue?  Is a new date even an option for the venue?  That is the most important change that would need to happen.
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    Anniversary
    bnwright0721
  • BlergbotBlergbot An enchanted land
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
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    Wedding date twins! What PPs said.
    bnwright0721
  • We ended up changing it. The caterer and photographer both were able to work with us, so we're doing the 18th of October now. Needless to say, I'm not thrilled, but at least we're not losing major money over it (just the STDs and some of the favors I'd made with the date on it). His mother called us last night and put crying grandma on the phone. We were between a rock and a hard place. I'm still pretty upset, as I usually don't cave easily, but his family is quick to judge anyone who has an opinion as "inflexible." It's funny though, his mom texted him before the phone call saying "it's not like this is a last minute shuffle or anything."

    Just. WOMAN. I need to get you a book about weddings. Just because you all do everything at the last minute (which, you know, as a compulsive planner I absolutely love--NOT) does not mean that weddings work that way.

    My fiance was totally supportive this whole time until they played the crying grandma card. Which I mean, who can blame him.

    Whatever. I'm just glad this whole conversation is done with. I might not have the civility required to have another conversation about it in which I don't bite someone's head off. 
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    You are a more patient woman than I. I don't sit with any sort of attempted manipulation, and I've never been very good at keeping my mouth shut.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    bnwright0721[Deleted User]
  • You are more accommodating than I am. If I had deposits down on everything and had started making stuff there is no way I would change the date. Not even for grandma.
    bnwright0721PrettyGirlLost
  • Hmm that's a sticky situation and I know I hate having to work my period around certain events especially your wedding! I think you should go to FFIL, FGIL, FMIL and explain to them that you feel it would be helpful if they perhaps helped with the cost of the new STD's? I don't think it's too much to ask since you did change your entire wedding date to accomodate them.
    bnwright0721chibiyuihuskypuppy14[Deleted User]
  • That is a great idea. thanks!
  • your welcome! Keep us posted!!! :)
    bnwright0721
  • Also, I feel llike since your FI caved (which is ok) he needs to put his foot down and tell them that moving forward any wedding decision will not be up for negotiation with them. These people clearly don't have boundaries.
    bnwright0721grumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • I am with most of the PPs in here I wouldn't of changed the date to accommodate anyone after making favors, printing STDs and putting deposits on vendors.

    I know everyone is shocked about the father over stepping his bounds but what gets me (and I've seen this in other threads too) is how EASY it is for someone to speak to a vendor for SOMEONE ELSE'S wedding!???!  That is what I don't understand. Especially after a contract is signed. I know it's not against the law or anything but the fact that someone could easily call up and request to change the date or cancel or inquire about anything that has to do with YOUR wedding is just beyond me.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    HisGirlFriday13bnwright0721PrettyGirlLost
  • You are a far nicer person than I am. I would have said to grandma, "You're clearly hysterical. We will continue this conversation when you've gotten yourself together. Goodbye." 

    And I would have hung up. 

    Also -- I get that this was his grandmother, I do, but I worry about the precedent he's setting of giving in when he is emotionally manipulated. What's next -- if gma doesn't like the baby name you've chosen, is she going to call in tears and demand you change it? 

    You changed the date once to accommodate them. That was more than enough.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    bnwright0721PrettyGirlLostMrsDeRuyter87
  • Yeah. That's pretty much what my fiance said after agreeing to change the date--We're not changing anything else for them from here on out. His father messaged me the next day (seriously, he has no idea where the line is) offering more suggestions for the date change. I basically told him "We chose this date. That's the date it will be." The end. 

    I worry about the precedent set as well. But I am fully prepared to be the bad guy if something like this happens again.

    TBH, I'm still peeved that he called the caterer behind my back. 
  • We ended up changing it. The caterer and photographer both were able to work with us, so we're doing the 18th of October now. Needless to say, I'm not thrilled, but at least we're not losing major money over it (just the STDs and some of the favors I'd made with the date on it). His mother called us last night and put crying grandma on the phone. We were between a rock and a hard place. I'm still pretty upset, as I usually don't cave easily, but his family is quick to judge anyone who has an opinion as "inflexible." It's funny though, his mom texted him before the phone call saying "it's not like this is a last minute shuffle or anything."

    Just. WOMAN. I need to get you a book about weddings. Just because you all do everything at the last minute (which, you know, as a compulsive planner I absolutely love--NOT) does not mean that weddings work that way.

    My fiance was totally supportive this whole time until they played the crying grandma card. Which I mean, who can blame him.

    Whatever. I'm just glad this whole conversation is done with. I might not have the civility required to have another conversation about it in which I don't bite someone's head off. 
    Yeah, they should really pay for you to get new STDs and favors.  
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    You should have told them they were paying to reprint the STD before you agreed to change the date. Why did they want the date changed the first time?
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  • The STDs and the date-related thing that goes with the favors I made myself so they were pretty inexpensive. It's just the time and effort I put into the whole thing that I'm miffed about. 
  • It's not the cost, it's the principle of the matter. Your FFIL and FGMIL are still way out of line.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Cokezerofreakbnwright0721[Deleted User]
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