XP: How do I handle this?!

Answers

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  You say to them, "The deadline to order the dresses and have them come in on time for alterations is X date," and you let it go at that. There's nothing more you can do.

  
  

  Alternatively -- since I don't know what kind of dresses you picked or what they look like or how pricey they are, that ship may have sailed (11 weeks is a fairly short window) -- it may be time to look at different dresses. 

  
  

  What matters more to you -- having the dress you liked, or having the people you love standing up for you on your wedding day?

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014

  
  

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  You say to them, "The deadline to order the dresses and have them come in on time for alterations is X date," and you let it go at that. There's nothing more you can do.

  
  

  Alternatively -- since I don't know what kind of dresses you picked or what they look like or how pricey they are, that ship may have sailed (11 weeks is a fairly short window) -- it may be time to look at different dresses. 

  
  

  What matters more to you -- having the dress you liked, or having the people you love standing up for you on your wedding day?

  This. 
  
  Just to look at this in a kinder light, have any of them been bridesmaids before?  Are any of them in school, pregnant, new mothers, new wives, or in other situations where they may have been, or currently are, under intense stress and/or just not able to order the dresses because of other things in their lives that they really need to give higher priority to?  Are any of them, or their families, unemployed and/or in major financial or medical distress?
  
  The reasons they haven't got their dresses may not stem from laziness.
  

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• gothic_fairy60 member

  

  January 2014

  Jen:

  I dont think OP thinks her loved ones are lazy. Her post more implied that she doesn't want to hound her friends.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  gothic_fairy60 said:

  Jen:

  I dont think OP thinks her loved ones are lazy. Her post more implied that she doesn't want to hound her friends.

  I don't know.  She's worried about the fact that they haven't gotten them at all and keep making excuses for not wanting to get them.  They may not stem from laziness, but my point was that they also may not be coming from bad places in not getting the dresses.
  
  Then again, they may not have really "loved it" when she gave them the original design but didn't want to hurt her feelings at the time by saying so, and/or are being passive-aggressive about their desires not to be in her wedding party.  There's no real way to know until the actual wedding ceremony, when they either do or don't show up wearing appropriate dresses.
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  scribe95 said:

  I'm kind of over bridesmaids not ordering dresses etc.
  
  I mean yes, the bride loves them and wants them there. But doesn't that work both ways? Don't the bridesmaids also love the bride and want to support her? Why would you agree to be a bridesmaid - knowing the only real duty is to BUY THE DRESS - and then be a pain about it?
  
  I have to admit in some cases the brides are worried way too early etc. But this one at 11 weeks would annoy me as well. And it doesn't appear any of them have a major circumstance change causing a concern.
  

  Some people don't really know what being a bridesmaid is about, because of all the TV shows and movies where the bridesmaids throw showers, bachelorettes, weekend getaways, and various other things that aren't duties but have become expectations.  They feel overwhelmed-especially when other things in their lives are going on, and they tell themselves that getting the dress can wait.
  
  And, some people don't want to be bridesmaids but feel pressured into it.  It might be a case of a sister, SIL, FSIL, or cousin who doesn't feel close to the bride but feels "obligated" because a mother or other relative is demanding it; or that person was their bridesmaid and they think there is an "obligation" to reciprocate the favor even though being in wedding parties isn't tit for tat, or they were once close friends but the friendship has faded.
  
  So, it's not always about loving the bride and wanting to support her.  This is not to say that any of these apply specifically to the OP; just that they are possible reasons why bridesmaids are uncooperative.  Edited to add: They are not excuses for their not speaking up or following through on getting the dresses; just reasons why they may not do so.
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  I'm with you, scribe95. They accepted the honor of being bms. If they had a problem with the dress that was selected, or if they had some kind of conflict with being in the wedding party, they should have spoken up. IMO, the bms are being rude, yet @emzo392 is the one who is worried about offending them. 

  
  

  Emzo, get the last date to order from the shop. Call each bm the bms to give them the information. Make sure you talk to them, rather than text or email. Let them know that you're getting worried. If it's too late to order, make a shopping date to buy off the rack dresses from Macy's or David's. Whoever shows up for dress shopping is still in the wedding party. 

                     

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• BeyondHappy member

  

  January 2014

  Have a meeting with your mom and the MOH.  Make it clear to the MOH that she's the coordinator of the BMs, and as such, she needs to get the BMs to order their dresses, etc.
  

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• antoto member

  

  January 2014

  Worst case scenario you drag them to the mall and select something from there, so don't stress too hard.

  
  

  Step 1:  Call the store, see if it's even possible to still get the dresses

  Step 2:  If they can still be ordered tell the maids :  Your dress must be ordered by this date. kthxbai

  
  

  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  January 2014

  BeyondHappy said:

  Have a meeting with your mom and the MOH.  Make it clear to the MOH that she's the coordinator of the BMs, and as such, she needs to get the BMs to order their dresses, etc.
  

  Wrong. This has nothing to do with the MOB. Adults don't expect mommy to straighten out problems with their friends. The MOH is not the coordinator of the BMs. Each BM is responsible for her own dress. 

                     

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• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2014

  BeyondHappy said:

  Have a meeting with your mom and the MOH.  Make it clear to the MOH that she's the coordinator of the BMs, and as such, she needs to get the BMs to order their dresses, etc.
  

  Does this post remind anyone else of advice Kristin1234 (or whatever her numbers were) would give?

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014

  BeyondHappy said:

  Have a meeting with your mom and the MOH.  Make it clear to the MOH that she's the coordinator of the BMs, and as such, she needs to get the BMs to order their dresses, etc.
  

  If I were a bridesmaid, and something else was going on in my life that temporarily was preventing me from getting the dress or otherwise doing something bridal, I would not appreciate pressure from the MOH or MOG, or even the bride, to get the dress.
  
  Even if nothing else is going on in a bridesmaid's life that would be responsible for such a delay, it is not the MOH or MOH's job to "nudge" the bridesmaids to get their dresses.  It isn't even the bride's.  Either they get the dresses on time or they don't.  If they don't, they are no longer bridesmaids.  But pressuring them ain't okay.  They are not kids who need to be reminded to do their homework, clean up their rooms, and wash their hands.
  

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