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Who decides which bridal showers to throw?

sarahlowrysarahlowry member
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
Is it selfish to tell my bridesmaids that I want a bridal shower for work friends? I work at a daycare and I am close with many of the children as well as their moms. I think it would be so fun to celebrate my wedding with those special little friends and their mommies. But would it be weird to tell co-workers or bridesmaids that I want that? Should I just pray someone thinks of it on their own?

Thanks!
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Re: Who decides which bridal showers to throw?

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    sarahlowry said:
    Is it selfish to tell my bridesmaids that I want a bridal shower for work friends? I work at a daycare and I am close with many of the children as well as their moms. I think it would be so fun to celebrate my wedding with those special little friends and their mommies. But would it be weird to tell co-workers or bridesmaids that I want that? Should I just pray someone thinks of it on their own?

    Thanks!
    It's selfish to tell anyone that you want anything in a bridal shower, since that's a gift to you. 
    And you may want to celebrate with them, but that doesn't mean they want to spend time and money to attending your bridal shower. 

    If you want to celebrate with these people, just invite them to your wedding. 
    image
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    banana468 said:
    You should not tell your BMs that you want a shower for work or that you want a shower at all.   Showers, bachelorette parties and any pre-wedding party is a gift.   Gone are the days that you sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want.

    If your coworkers want to throw a work shower that's on them but at no time would it be appropriate to ask the moms to attend as well.   They're clients and paying a nice sum for you to take care of their children.   It would be very inappropriate to ask them to attend a gift giving event. 
    In addition to ^^ what posters have said, NO ONE is invited to a shower unless they are on your wedding guest list.  Were you planning on opening your guest list up to your co-workers AND clients?
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  • sarahlowrysarahlowry member
    First Comment
    Thank you so much for your input. I guess I just thought that it would be fun, but I didn't want to be selfish. My wedding ceremony is not taking place in the city where I currently live (my ceremony is 3.5 hours away), so I hadn't decided if I was going to invite them to the ceremony.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Make sure anyone who is invited to the shower is also invited to the wedding. It's very rude to invite someone to a pre-wedding party and then not the actual wedding.

    And remember, it may be fun and new experiences for you (and it should be!), but it's time and money for everyone else. No one will be as excited as you, and that's ok. 
    image
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  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    banana468 said:
    You should not tell your BMs that you want a shower for work or that you want a shower at all.   Showers, bachelorette parties and any pre-wedding party is a gift.   Gone are the days that you sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want.

    If your coworkers want to throw a work shower that's on them but at no time would it be appropriate to ask the moms to attend as well.   They're clients and paying a nice sum for you to take care of their children.   It would be very inappropriate to ask them to attend a gift giving event. 

    All of the above. Sorry I am just failing to understand how this would be fun for the children, especially the boys.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    sarahlowry said:
    Is it selfish to tell my bridesmaids that I want a bridal shower for work friends? I work at a daycare and I am close with many of the children as well as their moms. I think it would be so fun to celebrate my wedding with those special little friends and their mommies. But would it be weird to tell co-workers or bridesmaids that I want that? Should I just pray someone thinks of it on their own?

    Thanks!
    To the bolded, yes.

    The mothers are paying you to look after their children, so you have a professional, not a personal, relationship with both the mothers and the children.  As close as you might feel to those kids, it would be unprofessional of you to include them or their parents in a bridal shower (which you can't throw for yourself or ask others to throw for you.  If anyone wants to do that, they have to take it upon themselves without you requesting it) and you can ask them to invite your co-workers, but you need to leave the mothers and children out of it.  Professional clients should not be invited to gift-giving events.

    Some other thoughts:  Even if it weren't unprofessional to invite the mothers and children, you would also have to invite them to your wedding along with their husbands/SOs, and be prepared to offer everyone the same hospitality you offer all your other guests (no tiering by inviting anyone only to the ceremony, expecting them to leave early with their kids, etc.).  You'd also have to consider whether the entertainment on your agenda is suitable for children of that age-and not have anything "adult" going on in the presence of the children.  You might already be doing that-but it's something to keep in mind.  Plus, the wedding would be another gift-giving event for them.
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    it is possible (and sometimes common) that work friends host a shower for you even when they know they are not invited to the wedding-- If one of your "mommies" decides to host it, you can accept it but in no way do you tell them or hint in anyway that you want this!  

    IF any sort of shower is hosted for you (it is not a required of your BMs) your guest list should only include people that are invited to the wedding.
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