Wedding Etiquette Forum

XP -Bridal shower etiquette

Ok, I know I am not supposed to throw my own bridal shower, but my sister does want me to get together a guest list, for her.  My FI's aunts usually throw bridal showers for the brides, but I am not sure if they are planning on throwing one for me. (I am not as close to them as the woman who have married into the family...  traveled a lot for work). I know they don't have to throw me a shower.  How do I delicately find out if they are throwing me one, so I know who to have on the guest list to my sister's party? I don't want to come off as asking for a shower, but I just need to know for my sister's guest list. I would hate to have a smaller party, for just my side, and his family feel like I didn't care if they were invited, if they weren't going to have a shower for me. But my sister needs to know soon to know where she can host the shower. If it's small, (I would only be having 15 people on my side), she would have it at her house.  If it is big, (his family) she may have to go with a hall, and would need to book that soon. And my second question is, if they do throw me a party, and I wind up having two parties, should his sisters (my bridesmaids)  be invited to both parties?  I don't want them bringing gifts to both events, or feeling like they should.  I just want them to know that they are my sisters, and if I have a family event with close family, I consider them a part of it. I know inviting people to two showers is considered gift grabby, but for his sisters, (my bridesmaids), would it be construed as me not considering them family? 

Re: XP -Bridal shower etiquette

  • I like what @Inkdancer suggested! Thus way you can get the scoop without asking.
  • The other option is to just assume that they are not going to throw you a shower and invite everyone (obviously limited to people you will invite to the wedding) to the one your sister has already offered to throw you. You clearly realize you're not supposed to expect a shower from anyone, so don't expect one from them now. Your sister has graciously offered to throw you one, invite anyone you would have invited to the other--including FI's family. If FI's aunts get an invite to the shower, they probably won't plan an additional one for you!

    That being said, it's perfectly fine to have two showers, as long as you don't invite the same people to both. There is usually some leeway with the bridal party members, you can invite them to both but if you do, be sure that they know they are not expected to give you two gifts, that you would just like them at the second one for support, etc. 
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