Lord, give me strength: Lunch with DH's grandmother tomorrow

Re: Lord, give me strength: Lunch with DH's grandmother tomorrow

• climbingsingle member

  

  January 2014

  I can totally understand that. 

  Report0 Reply
• LakeR2014 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  I get him seeing her, but does that mean you have to?

  I think @HisGirlFriday13 is doing it to support H.   She understands where he's coming from and even though Granny is BSC, she's there to support H.  Plus Friday knows she can deal with it, laugh it off with us, and move on from it. 
  

  Report2 Reply
• SmileDamnit member

  

  January 2014

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  Do I have to? Probably not. But it matters a lot to him, and sometimes it's worth doing something you don't like to make your spouse happy. Plus it gives him an out to get out early. And it's lunch and I can endure lunch for an hour to make DH happy.

  Yep, sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, and DH is the most important person on your team. 

  
  

  ...but he should buy you lots of wine now

  

  Report2 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  January 2014

  I know, and I'm not trying to harp on you. I just honestly don't get it. My husband is extremely protective of me, and I know he would never want me around someone who was straight up abusive to me. So I just don't get why it's making him happy for you to have to endure her abuse.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report5 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  Niccirf said:

  
  

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  
  

  Do I have to? Probably not. But it matters a lot to him, and sometimes it's worth doing something you don't like to make your spouse happy.
  
  Plus it gives him an out to get out early. And it's lunch and I can endure lunch for an hour to make DH happy.

  
  

  Yep, sometimes you just gotta take one for the team, and DH is the most important person on your team. 

  
  

  ...but he should buy you lots of wine now

  
  
  This is a better way of saying what I was trying to say. He's my team, my person, my best friend. I'll take one for him any day.
  
  And I can laugh it off because she's just mean and old and crazy and bitter. You can't let someone like that get to you.
  
  And yes, now we are going to the state store to buy ALLLLL the wine.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report6 Reply
• doeydo member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  I know, and I'm not trying to harp on you. I just honestly don't get it. My husband is extremely protective of me, and I know he would never want me around someone who was straight up abusive to me. So I just don't get why it's making him happy for you to have to endure her abuse.

  This.  My FI would not stand for any of his relatives (or anyone else, for that matter) to treat me the way she has treated you.  His father said something about my weight once, and he actually cut him out of our lives for a while until his father apologized to me.  ETA I am around a size 12, if that matters at all.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  There is one thing to support your husband, but it is a whole other thing when your husband wants to put in you in extremely uncomfortable situations for his benefit.  That isn't right.  I could see you dealing with her on holidays and such but to have to meet her for lunch, nope, not happening.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  January 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  I know, and I'm not trying to harp on you. I just honestly don't get it. My husband is extremely protective of me, and I know he would never want me around someone who was straight up abusive to me. So I just don't get why it's making him happy for you to have to endure her abuse.

  My husband is also fiercely protective of me -- and of our marriage.
  
  It doesn't make him happy. And she's only abusive and vitriolic to me when he's not around (or when she thinks he can't hear).
  
  She would rather see him alone and never ever have to see me, so she could pretend he's not married and I don't exist.
  
  DH won't let her have that -- he won't let her say, 'I want to see you without HisGirl,' because that lets her pretend our marriage isn't real.
  
  So he waits until he feels guilty and then we see her together, as a team, and he never leaves me alone with her so she has no chance to say anything abusive.
  
  If she says something rude, he threatens to leave. He constantly shoves our marriage in her face by protecting me and defending our marriage.
  
  And yeah, do I wish he'd cut her off entirely? Of course I do. But I also can respect his feelings of familial guilt. My family is Catholic; I get from family guilt.
  
  Besides, once a month is endurable.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report7 Reply