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The etiquette cluster that is BIL/FSIL's wedding

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Re: The etiquette cluster that is BIL/FSIL's wedding

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    misshart00 said:
    You know, you could just decline. And you also didn't update people about lunch. Why didn't you?
    Sorry, @missax, I thought I did in the original thread. 

    Gma spent three hours talking non-stop, without actually making sense or addressing either of us by name.

    She was clearly cooped up and lonely (this winter is driving us ALL stir-crazy), but then she also spent a fair amount of time complaining about the people she had seen (i.e., 'I asked Neighbor to bring me 2% milk because he offered, but he said the store was all out, so he got me 1% and I don't know why he didn't go to another store to look for me when I specifically asked for 2%').

    She was as nice to me as she's ever been, kind of shockingly. She didn't say anything negative or mean or passive-aggressive. 

    The only weird thing was as we were leaving, she said to DH, 'You know, you could call me sometimes. I worry. And I don't even have her [meaning my] number.' DH was like, 'I do call you.' I didn't say anything but I thought to myself, 'There is a REASON you don't have my phone number.'

    Then she said to me, 'You could call me, too, you know.'

    Uhm....OK, or not. 

    And yeah, we could decline, but his brother and FSIL are nice, and I like them, etiquette faux pas of this wedding aside. This is one of those cases where even though I know it's against etiquette, you side-eye it privately (or on TK) and suck it up for the day-of. 

    DH and his brother had a rocky relationship growing up, so if this is what it takes to help mend that, then OK. I'll pay for my and DH's lunches at Buffalo Wild Wings. :)

    yeah, sometimes you just suck it up for people you love.  My BFF's DD got married in November and it was one of the biggest clusters I have ever attended.  B&G cut her parents out of all the planning til the poop hit the fan 2 weeks out and then MOB and FOB stepped in to fix it as best they could.  I attended to support my BFF who was pretty heartbroken over the whole thing.  I was one royal cluster.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    Sounds like your fam puts the fun in dysfunctional. I'll mail you my extra-large flask.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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  • offthemarket915offthemarket915 member
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    Not as inconspicuous for day drinking but aren't they cute?

    image

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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    OK - that is supposed to say "It was one royal cluster" not I was one royal cluster.  It won't let me edit.
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    I know this is a silly thing to focus on but if they are getting married at a courthouse I would imagine that not many people are coming so why even bother with paper invites?
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    @hisgirlfriday13 I just want to chime in that I love day drinking and can't stop snickering at "voluntold".  Other than that your post makes me want to cry/vomit.  Good luck!
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    edited February 2014
    jdluvr06 said:
    I know this is a silly thing to focus on but if they are getting married at a courthouse I would imagine that not many people are coming so why even bother with paper invites?
    Some people like to have them as a keepsake, and it helps some people keep track of the date/time. 

    Also, we had a small wedding, but we still sent invitations because it was a day to be celebrated and commemorated. Simply calling people would have made it feel more like a birthday party than our wedding.

    "Why even bother" sounds a bit judgmental, but I admit I may be reading into that too much.
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    jdluvr06 said:
    I know this is a silly thing to focus on but if they are getting married at a courthouse I would imagine that not many people are coming so why even bother with paper invites?
    Some people like to have them as a keepsake, and it helps some people keep track of the date/time. 

    Also, we had a small wedding, but we still sent invitations because it was a day to be celebrated and commemorated. Simply calling people would have made it feel more like a birthday party than our wedding.

    "Why even bother" sounds a bit judgmental, but I admit I may be reading into that too much.
    Re-reading that line it does sound a bit judgmental but that wasn't my intent I just couldn't think of a better way to word what I was saying. Lol. I guess I'm just wondering because everyone I know who did a courthouse wedding has less then ten people with them and they didn't send invites. They just called and told people where and when. I've never heard of someone sending invites for one.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    jdluvr06 said:
    jdluvr06 said:
    I know this is a silly thing to focus on but if they are getting married at a courthouse I would imagine that not many people are coming so why even bother with paper invites?
    Some people like to have them as a keepsake, and it helps some people keep track of the date/time. 

    Also, we had a small wedding, but we still sent invitations because it was a day to be celebrated and commemorated. Simply calling people would have made it feel more like a birthday party than our wedding.

    "Why even bother" sounds a bit judgmental, but I admit I may be reading into that too much.
    Re-reading that line it does sound a bit judgmental but that wasn't my intent I just couldn't think of a better way to word what I was saying. Lol. I guess I'm just wondering because everyone I know who did a courthouse wedding has less then ten people with them and they didn't send invites. They just called and told people where and when. I've never heard of someone sending invites for one.
    Gotcha. :) 

    I think it just depends on the couple and their crowd, not to mention the overall "feel" of the wedding. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    We got the invite.

    No reception mentioned, but DH says BIL has confirmed that it's lunch after, pay-your-own-way.

    Written in all caps at the top of the invite:

    GIFTS ARE APPRECIATED. WE DIDN'T REGISTER ANY WHERE

    Well OK then.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    image

    image

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    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Sorry you have to deal with all this shit.

    Drambuie might help.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    Um isn't paying for your own meals their "gift"?
    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited February 2014
    jdluvr06 said:
    I know this is a silly thing to focus on but if they are getting married at a courthouse I would imagine that not many people are coming so why even bother with paper invites?
    Because even an invitation to a courthouse needs not to get caught in a spam filter and needs to be taken seriously by the recipient, and needs to be usable by the non-tech-savvy.
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
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    HisGirlFriday13 said:

    We got the invite.

    No reception mentioned, but DH says BIL has confirmed that it's lunch after, pay-your-own-way.

    Written in all caps at the top of the invite:

    GIFTS ARE APPRECIATED. WE DIDN'T REGISTER ANY WHERE

    Well OK then.



    I would love a picture of this beautiful invitation so that we all might enjoy it a little more.

    image   image   image

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  • LowerEastSiiideLowerEastSiiide member
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    I don't understand half of this - all these crazy acronyms
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:


    HisGirlFriday13 said:

    I'm going to resort to day-drinking to get through this, I really am.

    1. They've been engaged for 10 years. They decided two weeks ago to get married Feb. 14 (V-Day, of course). We were voluntold we're in charge of bringing BSC gma to the courthouse. At no point were we asked if we had other plans (we do) or if this was convenient for us (it's not). And, btw, gma can drive, but she's obnoxious, so we're being asked to 'control her' so she doesn't say rude things.  Fuck that shit!  Give her whatever she loves bets to loosen her tongue, rile her up, and set her loose!!!!

    2. We've been told we're getting invites, but they haven't come yet. Not that it matters, because as I pointed out to DH, 'We know where and when -- what else do we need to know?' Nope, nope, nope.  If you don't get an invite, don't go.  Guess you weren't invited, right?!

    3. Relating to the invites, they invited BIL's/DH's father, whom neither son has much contact with (I think out of guilt), but didn't invite MIL. FIL called BIL yesterday and asked if MIL could come because 'she really wants to.'

    (MIL wasn't invited because she spent the kids' childhoods using them as punching bags (and there are allegations of sexual abuse against BIL), so they're clear on the not-inviting-both-halves-of-a-social-unit rule.)

    BIL said, 'No way in hell.' FIL said, 'Well, then I'm not sure I can come.' BIL said, 'OK, all the better!' FIL then called DH to complain about his ungrateful kids not loving him.

    4. BSC gma is pitching a fit because her daughter (FIL is her son) isn't invited, but gma is invited, and 'I want my daughter to come. She's family.' Yes, y'all, the belief of parents that their children should be included in everything continues to when the parent is in her 80s and the child is in her 60s.

    5. DH hasn't been able to get a straight answer out of his brother, but it appears the 'reception' will be a 'pay-your-own-way' event at a local restaurant of the B&G's choosing. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    No matter what, I'm going to go, smile, and be polite, because this is DH's brother and they're working on patching up their relationship, but I will be day-drinking this one.




    Hahahaha! I love it! Rial up grandma and set her loose! That's awesome! I love the snark!
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