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Help!!! need opinions

alynnc7alynnc7 member
in May 2014 Weddings
My fiancee and I are wondering if it  is rude to have a private ceremony(5pm) with cocktails and appetizers, and then a reception(6pm) an hour later with a larger guest list? It is a lesbian wedding and we really only want a small group at the reception. We think many of the guests would be more then happy to come to the reception, but would feel uncomfortable at the ceremony. We want the ceremony really casual and comfortable. Guests drinking and snaking as they watch the ceremony, no seats, just a quick 10 minute little ceremony. Just wondering what people think. thanks
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Re: Help!!! need opinions

  • pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Nope, not rude.

    You can absolutely have a small, private ceremony with close family/friends, and then invite a larger group to celebrate with you afterward.

    For those only receiving an invite to the reception, just send a card inviting them to attend a celebration of your marriage following a private ceremony. For those invited to both, send them both the reception card and a card with the details of the ceremony, indicating that it is going to be private and intimate.


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  • bellaluna290bellaluna290 member
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    alynnc7 said:
    My fiancee and I are wondering if it  is rude to have a private ceremony(5pm) with cocktails and appetizers, and then a reception(6pm) an hour later with a larger guest list? It is a lesbian wedding and we really only want a small group at the reception. We think many of the guests would be more then happy to come to the reception, but would feel uncomfortable at the ceremony. We want the ceremony really casual and comfortable. Guests drinking and snaking as they watch the ceremony, no seats, just a quick 10 minute little ceremony. Just wondering what people think. thanks
    If they would be uncomfortable at the ceremony, then why would you want them to be present for any part of your special day?

    I don't think it's rude if your private ceremony is truly private, as in only a few other people other than you and your fiancee.
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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    alynnc7 said:
    My fiancee and I are wondering if it  is rude to have a private ceremony (5pm) with cocktails and appetizers, and then a reception(6pm) an hour later with a larger guest list? It is a lesbian wedding and we really only want a small group at the reception. We think many of the guests would be more then happy to come to the reception, but would feel uncomfortable at the ceremony. We want the ceremony really casual and comfortable. Guests drinking and snaking as they watch the ceremony, no seats, just a quick 10 minute little ceremony. Just wondering what people think. thanks

    OK: It is perfectly acceptable to have a small group at the ceremony.

    BUT: It is rude to have offer those guests drinks/appetizers and not the rest of your guests. This sounds like a "tiered" event, and it's in poor taste.

    ALSO: If you have family/friends who would be uncomfortable at the ceremony (because...? You're lesbians? Don't they know?), why do you think they'd be comfortable at your reception? If they'd be physically uncomfortable-they can't stand for more than a few minutes, etc-and that's the ONLY reason you wouldn't want them to witness your ceremony, perhaps that's different. Either way, you are presuming to know better than your guests do about what they can tolerate.

    LASTLY: What the heck is "snaking", and WHY are your guests going to be doing it? (Pretty sure it's a typo, but I cannot figure out what it's subbing in for.)

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  • msdidonatomsdidonato member
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    Sounds perfectly acceptable. We have friends who had a private ceremony earlier in the day and then a bigger reception later that day at a country club. I didn't think twice about it. 

    My best friend had several family and friends to Vegas for her wedding and then is throwing a big reception next month for a ton of people. 

    Congrats!!! 
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    KittyKaty20 said:
    alynnc7 said:
    My fiancee and I are wondering if it  is rude to have a private ceremony (5pm) with cocktails and appetizers, and then a reception(6pm) an hour later with a larger guest list? It is a lesbian wedding and we really only want a small group at the reception. We think many of the guests would be more then happy to come to the reception, but would feel uncomfortable at the ceremony. We want the ceremony really casual and comfortable. Guests drinking and snaking as they watch the ceremony, no seats, just a quick 10 minute little ceremony. Just wondering what people think. thanks

    OK: It is perfectly acceptable to have a small group at the ceremony.

    BUT: It is rude to have offer those guests drinks/appetizers and not the rest of your guests. This sounds like a "tiered" event, and it's in poor taste.

    ALSO: If you have family/friends who would be uncomfortable at the ceremony (because...? You're lesbians? Don't they know?), why do you think they'd be comfortable at your reception? If they'd be physically uncomfortable-they can't stand for more than a few minutes, etc-and that's the ONLY reason you wouldn't want them to witness your ceremony, perhaps that's different. Either way, you are presuming to know better than your guests do about what they can tolerate.

    LASTLY: What the heck is "snaking", and WHY are your guests going to be doing it? (Pretty sure it's a typo, but I cannot figure out what it's subbing in for.)

    I'm just guessing, but maybe snacking?
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  • pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    tammym1001 said:
    KittyKaty20 said:
    alynnc7 said:
    My fiancee and I are wondering if it  is rude to have a private ceremony (5pm) with cocktails and appetizers, and then a reception(6pm) an hour later with a larger guest list? It is a lesbian wedding and we really only want a small group at the reception. We think many of the guests would be more then happy to come to the reception, but would feel uncomfortable at the ceremony. We want the ceremony really casual and comfortable. Guests drinking and snaking as they watch the ceremony, no seats, just a quick 10 minute little ceremony. Just wondering what people think. thanks

    OK: It is perfectly acceptable to have a small group at the ceremony.

    BUT: It is rude to have offer those guests drinks/appetizers and not the rest of your guests. This sounds like a "tiered" event, and it's in poor taste.

    ALSO: If you have family/friends who would be uncomfortable at the ceremony (because...? You're lesbians? Don't they know?), why do you think they'd be comfortable at your reception? If they'd be physically uncomfortable-they can't stand for more than a few minutes, etc-and that's the ONLY reason you wouldn't want them to witness your ceremony, perhaps that's different. Either way, you are presuming to know better than your guests do about what they can tolerate.

    LASTLY: What the heck is "snaking", and WHY are your guests going to be doing it? (Pretty sure it's a typo, but I cannot figure out what it's subbing in for.)

    I'm just guessing, but maybe snacking?
    Yeah, I assumed snacking.


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