Not needing advice as much as a place to write this all down and vent some steam...
My FMIL is such a stressful person. She didn't seem thrilled when we got engaged. I attribute most of this due to the fact that I'm the "evil yankee" marrying the Southerner. We moved to IL from TX where we met, which she hates. She just generally isn't very nice to me even though I get along very well with the rest of his family. My FFIL and I used to go to lunch a few times a week when we lived near them. She's retired and never wanted to join us.
Now that wedding planning is in full force for our July wedding this year, it's been even more difficult. I try to bond with her. I asked her if she'd like to go look at an outfit for her to wear at the wedding when we were there for a week over Christmas and she said, "well I'll probably be so much fatter in July, Do you think I can just wear a black pant suit?" I've tried to involve her in other ways as well from looking at invitations, picking the food and venue for our rehearsal dinner (which she grumped about paying for even though they offered to do so in the first place), and looking at jewelry and honeymoon destinations. She just has no interest whatsoever. This wouldn't bother me if she hadn't broken down crying in front of me before we left and said that she wished we were closer and that she thought I was good for her son, etc. So I invited her to my bridal shower that was three months away. Later when my FI called about her coming, she said she wasn't because she was so "busy" (again....retired and doesn't do anything), and it was "too expensive" (she has a great pension, a very nice house, buys a new car every 2 years, so on...).
Luckily I have FI in my court and he actually got very upset at her. He called his dad and talked to him about it, and now she's coming, although not willingly. This is just so frustrating because of the completely mixed messages that I get from her about us being closer and being friends. I try to reach out to her so much through texts, calls, and trying to involve her in the planning, but it doesn't seem to matter.
This week I asked her for a list of people that they would like to invite from their side and she told me "not to bother, no one is interested, and no one will come." Even more upsetting about this was the fact that we had just had a holiday party at their house and many of their close friends and family told us they were excited to come and were making it their family vacation over the summer (we live near Chicago). My FI finally worked with his dad and grandpa to make a small list of family and friends, but now that we have the list, getting contact info and addresses has been even harder.
I don't know why she's being like this. The mixed messages are so frustrating and I really feel like I try to make her happy and involve her. Really IMHO, she's not a very happy nor pleasant person, but I'm generally cheerful and polite I believe so I'm not sure if our personalities are clashing or what. I've never had such drama issues with a person in my life and it's very hurtful. Sometimes the whole thing makes me just want to save our money and go to the courthouse and not even bother with the wedding. Besides the fact that I'm excited to be marrying my FI, the whole day is just not sounding fun to me anymore.
Anyone else having these issues?