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banana468 · February 2014

rachaelyoung said:
My fiance and I are very devote Roman Catholics, we attend church every Sunday and I have very rarely missed a mass due to illness. I, however, never knew that a catholic ceremony could not be held outdoors, because I have been to some Sunday services that have been held outdoors and no one has ever came out and told me that.

I have already booked my wedding venue to have my ceremony held outside. Since I was a little girl I have always said that I want to get married outside and now have the whole vision of my wedding at our venue pretty much just the way I want it.

We were told by our priest that we can get married by a minister and then have our vows renewed later by him but I would really just like to do it the first time, the right way and acknowledged by the church.

Does anyone know of a way around this? I have heard of an American Catholic priest but that would not be recognized by the archdiocese, according to my priest. Or I have read some things about finding a hospital priest because they can perform sacraments outside of the church.

Any suggestions?

My suggestion is rather frank: get married in the Church. There isn't a way "around" this as in order for your marriage to be valid, it needs to be in the church. Keep in mind that if you continue with your plan, you will be considered sinning in the eyes of the Church. If the marriage is consummated, then it will be sex outside of marriage and you may not be able to receive Sacraments either.

I'd talk to your priest again to see what can be done so you will have the Catholic ceremony in a church on the day you wed.

banana468 · February 2014

Wow. That was fast!

SammiNJonni · February 2014

OP deleting your post title and leaving just a period is a huge flag to come check out the post. Also you have been quoted we all can see what your post said.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

I don't even see the point of this DD. Three minutes! Yeesh.

chibiyui · February 2014

Hunh.

LDay2014 · February 2014

aaaaand....there it is!

jdluvr06 · February 2014

Why even bother posting if you're just going to take it down right away?

OliveOilsMom · February 2014

@banana486, she DD within 2 minutes! I'm glad you were able to quote her before she completely DD!

OP - follow banana's advice. If you are as devote as you say you are, you will be doing everything you can to marrying lawfully and religiously in the same ceremony. If you really want an outdoor ceremony, perhaps you and FI can have a vow renewal on your honeymoon just the two of you. Hire a photographer to take some pictures and you will have done everything right and have the outdoor ceremony you desire.

lyndausvi · February 2014

You can get married outside with permission from the head of the archdiocese. It's rare and often those people have very, very strong personal connections to the Cardinal or bishop. It doesn't sound like that is the case with you, so your options are get married in the church or get married outside and not have a marriage recognized by the church.

Teddy917 · February 2014

From what I understand of the Catholic church, there are hospital priests but they usually will only perform a ceremony in an emergency, like someone's about to die. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

phira · February 2014

Gonna go ahead and ignore the DD, in the hopes that the OP will return.

You're going to have to prioritize. You have two "must-haves" for your wedding that are almost 100% incompatible.

This is like if you wanted to get married to your same-sex partner in your hometown, but your state didn't have marriage equality. Your choices are to either have a ceremony in your hometown that won't be recognized by the relevant authority (in this case, your marriage wouldn't be recognized by the government), or to travel to another state to get married (your marriage would be legal and recognized by some state governments and the federal government, but you won't be married where you wanted).

And the thing is, no matter how arbitrary this seems (or, honestly, how arbitrary it really is), that's the way things are right now. So you either need to have a wedding that wouldn't be recognized by the church, or you need to have a wedding outside.

My partner was raised Catholic and doesn't have any additional advice for you (although he agrees with @lyndausvi, that it's possible but extremely unlikely). I think that you should talk to your venue and explain the situation so that you can unbook your ceremony there.

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

Teddy917 said:

From what I understand of the Catholic church, there are hospital priests but they usually will only perform a ceremony in an emergency, like someone's about to die. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

From what I know, this is true. My husband's father is a pastor and while not catholic, our denomination follows many of the Catholic traditions. Things like marriages and baptisms can be performed outside of the church pretty much only in the event of terminal situations.

AddieCake · February 2014

I only came b/c of the bat signal, and now am bummed b/c I have nothing to add, not being Catholic.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

ETA: Sorry.. I didn't even read anything- I just got excited to use this! Great minds think alike @LDay2014!

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

What is the point of a DD within minutes of the original post? No one even got snarky yet!

CMGragain · February 2014

rachaelyoung said:

My fiance and I are very devote Roman Catholics, we attend church every Sunday and I have very rarely missed a mass due to illness. I, however, never knew that a catholic ceremony could not be held outdoors, because I have been to some Sunday services that have been held outdoors and no one has ever came out and told me that.

I have already booked my wedding venue to have my ceremony held outside. Since I was a little girl I have always said that I want to get married outside and now have the whole vision of my wedding at our venue pretty much just the way I want it.

We were told by our priest that we can get married by a minister and then have our vows renewed later by him but I would really just like to do it the first time, the right way and acknowledged by the church.

Does anyone know of a way around this? I have heard of an American Catholic priest but that would not be recognized by the archdiocese, according to my priest. Or I have read some things about finding a hospital priest because they can perform sacraments outside of the church.

I am sorry that you wasted so much time dreaming about a wedding that is not possible, according to Canon Law. If you want to have your marriage recognized by the Holy Roman Catholic Church, you must do it their way. The Sacrament of Marriage must be performed on sanctified ground (in the church).
Your own priest is the only person who can help you. He is limited as to what he can do by Canon Law. If you marry outside the church, you will no longer be able to take communion at mass. This is not easy to fix.
You need to get your priorities straight. What is more important to you - your dream garden wedding, or your faith? You say that you are both devout Catholics, but you waited until you had your wedding and reception planned before you talked to your priest? Sorry, I just don't understand this.

NYCBruin · February 2014

CMGragain said:

rachaelyoung said:
My fiance and I are very devote Roman Catholics, we attend church every Sunday and I have very rarely missed a mass due to illness. I, however, never knew that a catholic ceremony could not be held outdoors, because I have been to some Sunday services that have been held outdoors and no one has ever came out and told me that.

I have already booked my wedding venue to have my ceremony held outside. Since I was a little girl I have always said that I want to get married outside and now have the whole vision of my wedding at our venue pretty much just the way I want it.

We were told by our priest that we can get married by a minister and then have our vows renewed later by him but I would really just like to do it the first time, the right way and acknowledged by the church.

Does anyone know of a way around this? I have heard of an American Catholic priest but that would not be recognized by the archdiocese, according to my priest. Or I have read some things about finding a hospital priest because they can perform sacraments outside of the church.

I am sorry that you wasted so much time dreaming about a wedding that is not possible, according to Canon Law. If you want to have you marriage recognized by the Holy Roman Catholic Church, you must do it their way. The Sacrament of Marriage must be performed on sanctified ground (in the church).
Your own priest is the only person who can help you. He is limited as to what he can do by Canon Law. If you marry outside the church, you will no longer be able to take communion at mass. This is not easy to fix.
You need to get your priorities straight. What is more important to you - your dream garden wedding, or your faith? You say that you are both devout Catholics, but you waited until you had your wedding and reception planned before you talked to your priest? Sorry, I just don't understand this.

I agree with all of this.

lyndausvi · February 2014

she moved it to outdoor weddings.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Nice job on quoting, @banana468!

Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors.

I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line.

lyndausvi · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Nice job on quoting, @banana468! Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line.

I've often wondering how devote Catholics don't know this either?

MobKaz · February 2014

Came over here just because I saw "the Bat signal". I responded to this same question on the Outdoor Ceremony board. This poster has a lot to learn about DD's and XP's.

banana468 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Nice job on quoting, @banana468! Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line.

I've often wondering how devote Catholics don't know this either?

In defense to her, I don't think every parish does a great job in publishing this fact. The current bulletin from my parish is in the recycling bin and after looking up posted ones on their website, marriage prep isn't even always mentioned. From what I remember reading, the small note in the bulletin only mentions something requesting that any couple wishing to marry needs appropriate time to do so - and they usually request approx. 1 year. Once I began to read up on Catechism I learned about this but I can't remember being told about it either. That said, booking the ceremony was what we did first since we knew that we needed to receive the Sacrament.

NYCBruin · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Nice job on quoting, @banana468! Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line.

I've often wondering how devote Catholics don't know this either?

Likewise. FI and I are self-dubbed "bad Catholics" (so definitely not devout) and knew this.

Also, I don't think you get to play that card if you book your venue (or really do ANY wedding planning) before you talk to your priest.

lyndausvi · February 2014

NYCBruin said:

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Nice job on quoting, @banana468! Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line.

I've often wondering how devote Catholics don't know this either?

Likewise. FI and I are self-dubbed "bad Catholics" (so definitely not devout) and knew this.

Also, I don't think you get to play that card if you book your venue (or really do ANY wedding planning) before you talk to your priest.

@banana468 - ^ this is how I feel. A devote Catholic should know this stuff. A semi-practicng or high holiday Catholic not so much.

NYCBruin · February 2014

banana468 said: lyndausvi said: HisGirlFriday13 said: Nice job on quoting, @banana468! Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line. I've often wondering how devote Catholics don't know this either? In defense to her, I don't think every parish does a great job in publishing this fact. The current bulletin from my parish is in the recycling bin and after looking up posted ones on their website, marriage prep isn't even always mentioned. From what I remember reading, the small note in the bulletin only mentions something requesting that any couple wishing to marry needs appropriate time to do so - and they usually request approx. 1 year. Once I began to read up on Catechism I learned about this but I can't remember being told about it either. That said, booking the ceremony was what we did first since we knew that we needed to receive the Sacrament.

--------------------------------------------
This! I can maybe understand how someone wouldn't know this off the bat, but if you truly consider religion important, why oh why would you get so far along with your wedding planning before getting a spiritual leader involved. Especially if you're Catholic. It's a Sacrament!

CMGragain · February 2014

I'm not even Catholic, but the first thing I did to plan my wedding was to call the church and schedule an appointment with the pastor! Why do brides think the marriage is something that can be rubber stamped? For that, you go to the courthouse.
There was a recent post similar to this on C & V board, but that bride had respect for her religion, and once we told her the rules, she was horrified that she might put her Catholic status in jeopardy! I think we pointed her in the right direction. This speshul snowflake is just trying to find a way to get around the rules. Then she is rude and DDs.

banana468 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

NYCBruin said:

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Nice job on quoting, @banana468! Also, how do Catholic brides not know this? Seriously, I'm asking. I can think of dozens of times I saw reminders in the bulletin about Catholic wedding masses having to be held indoors. I'm sorry, I just don't buy this 'I'm super devout but I didn't know' line.

I've often wondering how devote Catholics don't know this either?

Likewise. FI and I are self-dubbed "bad Catholics" (so definitely not devout) and knew this.

Also, I don't think you get to play that card if you book your venue (or really do ANY wedding planning) before you talk to your priest.

@banana468 - ^ this is how I feel. A devote Catholic should know this stuff. A semi-practicng or high holiday Catholic not so much.

Exactly. I can buy that you just didn't know because the rules weren't stated that it has to be in a church BUT I can't buy the idea that you booked the entire reception without a thought to the ceremony at all. We knew well enough to know that the ceremony needed to be booked first and that the parish rectory wasn't going to look favorably upon us if we were looking to get them to work with our schedule and not the other way around.

rajahmd · February 2014

Just FYI for lurkers who think of DDing, hitting just a "." on mobile is next to impossible. Please at least leave a word. Even two characters would be better than 1.

lyndausvi · February 2014

Any devote Catholic had to have to have gone through CCD or Catholic school. You learn about the 7 sacraments in class. It stands to reason that if your baptism, first communion, confession, confirmations are all preformed in the church matrimony would also, no? At the very least you would consult your priest before planning your wedding on the requirements.

CMGragain · February 2014

I think the OP was so wrapped up in her childhood vision of a wedding, she didn't even think about her religion. Devout Catholic? Huh! Yes, I'm judging!

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