So, some of you may remember me from before, when I went a little crazy. Well, I did an impromptu over the phone session with a therapist. The same therapist my boyfriend's mom sees, she spoke highly of her so I figured what the heck. Well, I have decided I don't want therapy. Not that I don't think I need it, because I'm sure I do, but because I no longer carry this huge weight of guilt and I'm not ready to shell out tons of money to see someone to talk to every week
. When I went through with my divorce my family, my ex-husband, and his family all sort of pushed all the blame onto me. I felt horrible for a very long time, thinking that it was all my fault that we had a failed marriage and that I should have tried harder. Well, the therapist opened my eyes to all the abuse that had gone on in our relationship since we starting dating in high school. So, now I don't feel like a total biotch about leaving him and not trying to fix the things that were broken in him long before I came along.
I no longer feel like a victim. I no longer feel like I need to fix everything. I just need to let things run their course. Am I still a little crazy, yes. High strung, most definitely. The difference now is that I feel more comfortable and confidant in my ability to handle emotional turmoil. Given my line of work, I need to keep a level head, which for the longest time I was unable to do. I have also discovered that my coworkers are my biggest support group, aside from my boyfriend of course. They've stuck behind me and my craziness for almost a year and I can talk to them about anything. The plus side is that most of them have a medical/psych background, so they have a good idea of what they're talking about, most of the time.