Am I being a bridezilla?

kaa32 · February 2014

So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed.

They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty

God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

I'm a little confused about the details of the shoes, but, if you are going to force your bridesmaids to wear a certain shoe, if they don't have it, you need to buy it for them. The only obligations a bridesmaid has is to buy the dress and show up smiling on the day of your wedding in it. Anything else is extra.

I know you're trying to have a certain look, but if A is a color of the shoe, I think you should allow your friend to wear any shoe in that particular color.

Friend might not be comfortable with shoe details B and C, or she doesn't have it in her closet and cannot afford shoes that meet all of those qualifications.

My initial thought is that you're being a little too strict over something as simple as shoes. Sorry.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

kaa32 said:
So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed.

They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

I had to read that three times before I realised that you meant A, B, C, D, and E were requirements (colour, heel height, whatever) and not specific shoe options.

If you want shoes that are at all any kind of specific, you need to pay for them.

Ex.: Black, closed-toe, heel, is OK. Black, closed-toe, sparkles, 2.5 to 3.5 inch heel, slingback is not OK.

And why is she struggling with the cost? The ONLY cost associated with being a BM is buying the dress, which of course is in her budget because you asked each girl privately what her budget was before you went dress shopping and you picked a dress that was at or below the lowest price point, right?

And you're not demanding that they have professional hair or makeup (and if you are, you're paying), and you're not demanding parties, and you're not demanding special costumes, right?

To answer your original question, unless we know what the demands are, we can't tell if you're being a bridezilla or not.

bethsmiles · February 2014

Your unnecessary vagueness in this post makes it really confusing.

Why does it matter if your BM's shoes match? No one is going to notice their shoes. At the absolute most I would say you could ask them to wear a specific color (as long as it was a common one like black or nude). This just seems like a silly concern though.

Grabows14 · February 2014

It was nice that you were more vague about dresses, but NOBODY notices shoes, as long as they are the same color. Unless you are going for some freaky looking shoes like below

LondonLisa · February 2014

I agree with PP- If you are requiring a certain shoe, they must be purchased by you.

Why is she struggling? Did you not discuss her budget with her before you decided on a dress?

We don't have enough details to definitively say if you are being a bridezilla or not, but from the info included, I would say that you are right on the line/ yes. No one should be "annoyed" over shoes worn by a friend who is struggling financially.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

kaa32 said:

So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed. They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

I agree with PPs. No one is going to notice shoes unless they shoots flames or something. As long as the shoes are the same color, no one's going to notice if they're different styles, heel heights or sparkly.

Ven&Radio · February 2014

Rule of thumb: if you feel the need to ask "Am I being X?", the answer is almost always yes.

You're being vague on the requirements you are imposing on your BMs for shoes. Quite frankly, no one is going to notice/care what the BMs have on their feet - let them wear whatever they are comfortable in.

kaa32 · February 2014

Fellow Knotties,

Thank you for taking time out of your day to reply, consider my situation, and not jump down my throat. 'A' is the color. Sorry for being vague, I didn't want my friend to see my shameful reaction. I thought bridesmaids were responsible for shoes and the dress. I'm getting bogged down in the details of planning and losing sight of what's important. Thanks for the reality check!

climbingsingle · February 2014

kaa32 said:

Fellow Knotties, Thank you for taking time out of your day to reply, consider my situation, and not jump down my throat. 'A' is the color. Sorry for being vague, I didn't want my friend to see my shameful reaction. I thought bridesmaids were responsible for shoes and the dress. I'm getting bogged down in the details of planning and losing sight of what's important. Thanks for the reality check!

I think it's awesome you were able to take this advice. Good for you!

raeah219 · February 2014

I'm sad that you are already ready for your wedding to be over. Enjoy the planning hun. Its only a short time in the grand scheme of things. Try not to get bogged down in the details and enjoy the bigger picture. You are marrying the love of your life.

trulymarvelous · February 2014

kaa32 said:
So I asked my bridesmaids to get shoes that are A, B, and C and said they don't have to be D or E. I provided pictures and where you could buy them. Then, my bridesmaid comes back asking can we just wear any shoes that are A and I'm annoyed.

They're already wearing different dresses. If I had been ok with just A I wouldn't have mentioned B and C. Am I overreacting? I did say let me know if you have questions and I think she is struggling with the cost of being a bridesmaid so now I feel annoyed and guilty God I can't wait till this wedding is over.

I had to read that three times before I realised that you meant A, B, C, D, and E were requirements (colour, heel height, whatever) and not specific shoe options.

If you want shoes that are at all any kind of specific, you need to pay for them.

Ex.: Black, closed-toe, heel, is OK. Black, closed-toe, sparkles, 2.5 to 3.5 inch heel, slingback is not OK.

And why is she struggling with the cost? The ONLY cost associated with being a BM is buying the dress, which of course is in her budget because you asked each girl privately what her budget was before you went dress shopping and you picked a dress that was at or below the lowest price point, right?

And you're not demanding that they have professional hair or makeup (and if you are, you're paying), and you're not demanding parties, and you're not demanding special costumes, right?

To answer your original question, unless we know what the demands are, we can't tell if you're being a bridezilla or not.

Glad you figured it out cause I couldn't.
agree with pp's, chill out on the shoes. If you were lax on the dress where's the stress on the shoes Coming from?

sarahufl · February 2014

Yeah, I couldn't figure out the post either but it looks like the conundrum was solved.

lilbeanybby · February 2014

When I asked my bridesmaid to be in wedding I said that I will be able to provide the accessories, hairstyling, and makeup. But they will be responsible for the dresses and shoes. In regards to people being rude to you. Just ignore them. They themselves are being bridezillas

tammym1001 · February 2014

I feel like if "A" is the color of the shoes and that's what she can do then you should just let her have the same color shoes. Shoes are a really personal choice and not everyone can wear the same type of shoes. If all the girls have, for example black shoes, nobody will notice that hers are kitten heels and everyone has stilettos. To me, the most noticeable thing about shoes is the color.

NYCBruin · February 2014

lilbeanybby said:

When I asked my bridesmaid to be in wedding I said that I will be able to provide the accessories, hairstyling, and makeup. But they will be responsible for the dresses and shoes. In regards to people being rude to you. Just ignore them. They themselves are being bridezillas

1. Who was rude?

2. How does saying, "you shouldn't ask your bridesmaids to buy specific shoes" make one a bridezilla?

dolewhipper · February 2014

I'm glad you took everyone's advice. I have a pair of black peep toe heels I can't stand that cost me $80 for a friends wedding I was in. Ugh. And how many pictures were taken of me by the photog where you can see our shoes? TWO. Have some wine

themuffinman16 · February 2014

I told my bridesmaids any shoes heel or flats in silver or pewter. Was that okay? Or was that inappropriate?

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

themuffinman16 said:
I told my bridesmaids any shoes heel or flats in silver or pewter. Was that okay? Or was that inappropriate?

Since it's fairly broad, it's OK.

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

shannonmaya said:

I'm glad you took everyone's advice. I have a pair of black peep toe heels I can't stand that cost me $80 for a friends wedding I was in. Ugh. And how many pictures were taken of me by the photog where you can see our shoes? TWO. Have some wine

I had to pay $50 for satin flats in a VERY bright colour that look like my grandmother's slippers. Also, the elastic at the back cut all of our heels by the end of the ceremony, and we took them off inbetween every set of photos and for the entire reception.

Am I being a bridezilla?

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