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Stuck in a rut...

schreefelschreefel member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I've been engaged since September 2013.  I know that was only 6 months ago but I'm ITCHING to get this thing moving along!  We decided on a 2 year engagement since we'll be paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, we needed the time to save.  I know it's only been 6 months, and we would still have about a year and a half to go, but I don't have a date set yet.  Am I trying to move this along faster than I really need to?  And on top of that, my fiance isn't the type to get super involved in the planning.  But obviously things need to be discussed with him on decisions.  Every time I bring it up, he zones out.  His eyes glaze over, he doesn't look at me, he distracts himself with other things.  I know it's not because he doesn't want to get married, it's just he's a "man's man" if that makes any sense and has no interest in little detail things.  In addition he can't get over the the prices.  Every time I tell him about the price of a different venue, whether there's a lot included in the price or not, I'm constantly hearing "That's a lot of money".  Yea, I get it.  Deal with it, it's not cheap.  Ugh.  I just had to get this off my chest.  Any other brides going through the same thing?  Or am I just the lucky one?
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Re: Stuck in a rut...

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    jennyleigh16jennyleigh16 member
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    I feel for you. You're not alone. My FI is similar. We've been engaged since Nov and we're planning for fall 2015. He has zero interest in planning anything. It was like pulling teeth to get him to sit down and come up with a guest list and even then it was me saying "do you want to invite so-and-so?" I know it's early but I'm a full-time student and I want to start early so I can space things out. He refuses to go see a venue I'm interested in, telling me to take my mom instead. I've asked him if he has any opinion in flowers, decor, dj, photographer, etc ...nope nope nope. My parents have recently come into a large sum of money and have generously volunteered to make a large contribution (large to us) to the wedding. My FI has a thing against accepting big gifts from my parents and doesn't want to take the money, but also has no intention of starting to save money until a few months before the wedding. I know he wants to marry me but he just doesn't understand that some things need to be booked 6 months to a year out and often have big deposits. He has no concept of what actually goes into planning a wedding.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    Probably the two of you need to pick a venue before anything else, so you know what kind of prices you're looking at.
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    edited February 2014

     

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    LadyMillilLadyMillil member
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    schreefel said:
    I've been engaged since September 2013.  I know that was only 6 months ago but I'm ITCHING to get this thing moving along!  We decided on a 2 year engagement since we'll be paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, we needed the time to save.  I know it's only been 6 months, and we would still have about a year and a half to go, but I don't have a date set yet.  Am I trying to move this along faster than I really need to?  And on top of that, my fiance isn't the type to get super involved in the planning.  But obviously things need to be discussed with him on decisions.  Every time I bring it up, he zones out.  His eyes glaze over, he doesn't look at me, he distracts himself with other things.  I know it's not because he doesn't want to get married, it's just he's a "man's man" if that makes any sense and has no interest in little detail things.  In addition he can't get over the the prices.  Every time I tell him about the price of a different venue, whether there's a lot included in the price or not, I'm constantly hearing "That's a lot of money".  Yea, I get it.  Deal with it, it's not cheap.  Ugh.  I just had to get this off my chest.  Any other brides going through the same thing?  Or am I just the lucky one?
    First bolded - some of the big things like venue need to be booked pretty far out. I'm also a full time student so I understand wanting to get stuff done so it doesn't interfere with school. There are a bunch of time lines for when stuff should be done on Pinterest and TK checklist that can give you a better idea of when to do things.
    Second bolded - It might just require a change of tactics to get decisions/opinions from your FI. When there were a lot of options to choose from for things that my FI wasn't really interested in, he would zone out when I started listing them all off. However, if I narrowed the list down to the 2-4 options I liked best, he would pay attention and pick something from the list. 
    Third bolded - Have you set a budget yet? If not, I would suggest looking at average wedding costs in your area to get a starting idea. I actually found TK budgeter really useful, because it breaks down your budget to what you should spend on each item. It may be useful showing a budget breakdown to your FI so he gets a better idea of costs.

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    Megalega14Megalega14 member
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    If he really isn't into it, then just book something yourself and tell him to hush! then you can have the wedding exactly how you want and he can't say anything!

    my fiance gave me all the reins and said he'd show up. it's perfect, I can do whatever I want and he knows he can't say a word about it! :)
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    thejucheideathejucheidea member
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    megalega14 said:
    If he really isn't into it, then just book something yourself and tell him to hush! then you can have the wedding exactly how you want and he can't say anything!

    image

    It's his wedding too, even if he isn't interested in planning now for something that's a year and a half away. Telling someone to tell their fiance to sit and spin when it comes to wedding things is a silly idea.

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    MadHops21MadHops21 member
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    jenbaer16 I'm in the same boat for the most part. FI does not care about where the wedding is, as long as he gets to wear a tux. He has seen some venues, but doesn't express much opinions for them. 
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    misscoffeepleasemisscoffeeplease member
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    I'm in the same boat too but everything gets shot down because it's all about $$$$. I am not by all means trying to make this wedding outrageously expensive but I need him to give me an answer so we can go on board together. I wanted a Feb 2015 wedding but he wanted an Aug 2014 wedding. I have to keep reminding him he wanted this date. 
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    themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2014
    My Fi was the same way.. We were booking a year out and he realized the venues were getting booked solid, and we needed to act. I would ask the venues you are interested in their availabilities. He will see that even a year and a half out is not to soon. You want to get a place within your budget that is big enough to accommodate everyone. The earlier you book, you have more choices... And even discounts on venues or djs
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    schreefelschreefel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks for all the feed back everyone!  It's comforting to know that I'm not alone.  There was some great advice that I'll definitely be using to approach the situation.  Maybe a different tactic will be the way to get him interested. 
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    jennyleigh16jennyleigh16 member
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    MadHops21 said:
    jenbaer16 I'm in the same boat for the most part. FI does not care about where the wedding is, as long as he gets to wear a tux. He has seen some venues, but doesn't express much opinions for them. 
    I finally convinced him to go for breakfast at the venue I have in mind tomorrow. Progress!
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