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That escalated quickly.

ssl2pdssl2pd member
First Comment First Anniversary
edited February 2014 in Moms and Maids
Everyone posting here is assuming I've been a total bridezilla during the wedding planning. Just to clear a few things up:

1. I've never cried about the girls not being able to come to my appointments. I was bummed but not that bummed. Them not being there didn't affect my dress experience at all. It just would've been nice for them to be there with me.  
2. I was never angry that they couldn't come either except for when my MOH bailed last minute. It annoys me when people flake. Just be responsible. If you tell someone you're going to do it, do it. I've never once mentioned it to ANYONE that I felt this way- that is why I posted it on here. To get it off my chest and all I've got was judged. 
3. I'm pretty positive I haven't been a bridezilla at all. My entire motto when planning this wedding has "It'll work out. Whatever happens, happens." ..all the bridesmaids have got to chose everything when it comes to them- dress, shoes, accessories, hair, and makeup. The only thing I picked was the dress color. I've never demanded or asked for anything. 
4. I'm not planning my own bridal shower. Jeeze. My MOH brought it up and picked the day, booked the venue, and told several people about it via word of mouth. Now, it is only a little over a month away and she hasn't thought about invitations, food, if there if will be games, etc. That's what I mean by "planning". I'm a "planner" type person and she's not. So that's why I think about these types of things. 
5. I totally understand they aren't as excited as me. Duh. You all are assuming I'm a selfish little b****. I just said that I was disappointed/bummed. I have no idea how that got translated into all the things you all were saying. I just wanted to spend time with my best friends and share this experience with them. I feel like if you asked someone to be a MOH or bridesmaid and they agree, they are obviously a close enough friend that they should want to do more than just "stand up there" during your wedding day. What's even the point of having MOH/bridesmaids then? They told me in the beginning they WANTED to go to the dress fittings since they couldn't go when I picked it out. So, when I told them what day is was and the response I got back was, "I can't go, I'm busy." it hurt my feelings a little. They didn't say sorry or acted liked they even cared. I just feel like if I was in that position I would at least apologize or act a little more enthusiastic. 
7. It hasn't affected ANY of the my relationships with the girls. The only relationship that has been strained is the one between the two MOHs. They don't like each other but they're adults. Sometimes you have to work with people you don't like. That's life. Get over it. 
8. I also completely understand that we are all busy. Personally, I've taking 17 credit hours and work two part-time jobs. I've never once complained about them not being able to do something because of work or school. Like I said earlier though, if you say you want to do something or will do something, I expect you to follow through. I was raised to keep my promises. 
9. I wasn't expecting a "sugar coating". I was looking for some real advice like "Why don't you try talking to them and seeing what they want to participate in" type of thing or looking for someone who had a similar experience.
10. It's not like I think about this 24/7. My 2nd fitting is just next week so I recently thought about it. Like I said, I just wanted to get it off my chest. It's not like it is some huge ordeal. 
11. I am planning my wedding with my fiance but obviously he isn't going to go to dress fittings with me. I wasn't wanting to plan the entire wedding with my MOHs/bridesmaids--just get ideas and opinions from them. Like for decor and flowers. Things a guy shouldn't care about. I don't think I ever said I "dreamed" about planning my wedding with my friends. I guess I just thought that's how it was planned.Then again, I've never got married before so I have no idea!

I appreciate the comments that were helpful, I just don't want people thinking I'm some crazy b**** bridezilla. I just wanted to get some little thing I was thinking about off my chest and since I wasn't going to tell my best friends (my MOHs/bridesmaids), I thought here would be a good place to do it.
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Re: That escalated quickly.

  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you.

    It sucks they're not involved like you want but in reality and honesty the only thing they have to do is show up with their dress and be ready to stand up there with you. Nothing else.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The only "job" a bridesmaid has is to show up on the day in the correct dress. You really need to change your expectations. As @hlvonb said- no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you. 

    You are upset because they didn't come watch you try on a dress? Really? You need to reevaluate your expectations here. I know wedding stress can drive even the most mellow person a bit nutty, but you are scripting what you want to happen with really unrealistic high expectations and then getting upset when they don't live up to them.

    Have a vent, take a deep breath, and then realise that you are holding your friends to an unrealistic standard. It is no one's job to plan your wedding but you and your fiance. It's great if someone jumps in and wants to help, but you certainly cannot force nor expect a friend into this role. If you reframe your approach to this, you will see that the wedding you and your fi plan will be really fun, and anything else your friend's volunteer to do is just icing on the cake.

    Also, I'm sure you didn't mean to, but it is actually really rude to plan your own wedding shower. Pre-wedding parties are a gift thrown by someone else in honour of the bride. If no one steps up to throw you one then you don't get one. No one is entitled to a bridal shower.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You're upset b/c they aren't going to your dress fittings? I wouldn't want to go to someone's dress fitting, either. I went to all mine by myself except the last one so one of my bridesmaids could be shown how to bustle my dress. You have to just let this go. Weddings and wedding planning are not interesting to everyone.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Quote people! Quote!

    From what I gather is your pissy because your BMs won't come to your dress fittings.  I went to all of mine alone.  I was in and out in like 20 minutes.  I certainly didn't need a BM or a friend come and hold my hand.  The only time that someone came to a fitting was when my bustle needed to be reworked and my Mom came with me to "be the bad cop" and make sure that the bustle was done right because it was only two days till the wedding.

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  • ssl2pdssl2pd member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Wow, girls. I posted on here because I thought this "community" was to support, help, and encourage each other. Not bash the person who created the post. Each of you are being extremely rude. By the way, all these things you assumed about me aren't true at all. It's not even worth my time. 
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Sorry @Maggie0829 !!

    The general gist of her post was that her BM and MOH were not as excited about her wedding and kept missing her dress fittings (and not apologising for it).

    She said something along the lines of "I always dreamed of me planning my wedding with all of my girlfriends"

    She then said that she "practically had to do all the bridal shower planning herself".

    She did note that it was a vent (which is fair, OP, sometimes we all need a vent! But then we need to realise we are being silly and get over it)
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No one's being rude to you. You just don't like the responses.

    Try to read again without being defensive, then you might understand that people are being helpful. Better to find out you're being a bridezilla from internet strangers before you ruin friendships in.
    real life.

    My suggestion: have someone take a video with your phone about your bustle, if that's what you're worried about.

    Otherwise, there's no need for someone to be at your fittings.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2014
    ssl2pd said:
    Wow, girls. I posted on here because I thought this "community" was to support, help, and encourage each other. Not bash the person who created the post. Each of you are being extremely rude. By the way, all these things you assumed about me aren't true at all. It's not even worth my time. 
    @SSl2pd- we are here to support each other, and sometimes what is hard to have during wedding planning is perspective (we have all been there!). I understand why you are feeling this way. The whole wedding industrial complex, and indeed society, are telling you that your wedding it is the most important thing in your life. And sometimes it is hard to realise that it isn't the case for the rest of your friends. Whilst they are happy for you, they have other things going on. It is actually rather liberating when you keep telling yourself that no one is going to care as much as you. It made making the decisions a lot less stressful!

    Sometimes one just need an anonymous internet stranger to tell you to let it go, because if you bring it up with any of your friends, you are going to sound silly. 

    And yes, throwing your own bridal shower is still rude. I shan't be supporting you on that one.

    edited- typo
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Thanks @ LondonLisa - so basically it is the same shit, different day type of thing.

    @ssl2pd - venting is fine, but we also aren't going to sugar coat things or say "poor baby" when what you are doing and expecting from people is incorrect.  I understand that you may have always dreamed of planning your wedding with your girlfriends but sometimes what we dream doesn't come true and instead of crying and being angry about it, you just need to move on.

    Plan your wedding with your FI, you know, that guy you are marrying and the whole reason why a wedding is being planned to begin with.

    As for your friends/BMs, they aren't doing anything wrong.  They don't have to come to your dress fittings, they don't have to plan you a shower, they don't have to be constantly excited because you are getting married.  They have lives and things going on that don't have anything to do with your wedding.  That doesn't mean they aren't happy for you, they just don't have 24/7 to be excited for you.

    And no one was being rude.  They were telling you the truth, something that you apparently need to hear.  You just didn't like what was said because it didn't validate or deem you right in this situation.  It sucks being told that you are wrong but it is important to know it.

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  • ssl2pdssl2pd member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited February 2014
    Lol okay. 

    *edited- that was a reply to the very sarcastic and rude comment previous to mine. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ssl2pd said:
    Lol okay. 
    Not really sure what was funny, but if that is your only response to what was said, then I can see that we are dealing with an immature brat.  Thanks for the clarification.

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  • ssl2pdssl2pd member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Obviously, since you're the one talking like that. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ssl2pd said:
    Obviously, since you're the one talking like that. 
    This doesn't even make sense.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ssl2pd said:
    Lol okay. 

    *edited- that was a reply to the very sarcastic and rude comment previous to mine.
    And which one is that exactly, because I see none.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No one bashed you. They gave you a reality check. I didn't see your OP, but judging from your F/U posts, you seen to be over sensitive. Did you just find these message boards? If so, you might want to lurk a bit on different boards to get a feel for where you feel comfortable posting.

    Wedding planning, IRL, is different from what we imagine as teenagers. The friends who liked to hang out at the mall and try on clothes with you have grown up. Sitting through a wedding dress fitting just doesn't have the same appeal to an adult friend that it might had for your teen friends. 

    I hope your shower turns out great. Sad to say, there's not much you can do to push your MOH into planning. With a month to go, though, she still has plenty of time to work out refreshments. Hopefully, someone else will volunteer to help her out.  
                       
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    .
    shrekspeare said:
    ssl2pd said:
    Everyone posting here is assuming I've been a total bridezilla during the wedding planning. Just to clear a few things up:

    1. I've never cried about the girls not being able to come to my appointments. I was bummed but not that bummed. Them not being there didn't affect my dress experience at all. It just would've been nice for them to be there with me.  
    2. I was never angry that they couldn't come either except for when my MOH bailed last minute. It annoys me when people flake. Just be responsible. If you tell someone you're going to do it, do it. I've never once mentioned it to ANYONE that I felt this way- that is why I posted it on here. To get it off my chest and all I've got was judged. 
    3. I'm pretty positive I haven't been a bridezilla at all. My entire motto when planning this wedding has "It'll work out. Whatever happens, happens." ..all the bridesmaids have got to chose everything when it comes to them- dress, shoes, accessories, hair, and makeup. The only thing I picked was the dress color. I've never demanded or asked for anything. 
    4. I'm not planning my own bridal shower. Jeeze. My MOH brought it up and picked the day, booked the venue, and told several people about it via word of mouth. Now, it is only a little over a month away and she hasn't thought about invitations, food, if there if will be games, etc. That's what I mean by "planning". I'm a "planner" type person and she's not. So that's why I think about these types of things. 
    5. I totally understand they aren't as excited as me. Duh. You all are assuming I'm a selfish little b****. I just said that I was disappointed/bummed. I have no idea how that got translated into all the things you all were saying. I just wanted to spend time with my best friends and share this experience with them. I feel like if you asked someone to be a MOH or bridesmaid and they agree, they are obviously a close enough friend that they should want to do more than just "stand up there" during your wedding day. What's even the point of having MOH/bridesmaids then? They told me in the beginning they WANTED to go to the dress fittings since they couldn't go when I picked it out. So, when I told them what day is was and the response I got back was, "I can't go, I'm busy." it hurt my feelings a little. They didn't say sorry or acted liked they even cared. I just feel like if I was in that position I would at least apologize or act a little more enthusiastic. 
    7. It hasn't affected ANY of the my relationships with the girls. The only relationship that has been strained is the one between the two MOHs. They don't like each other but they're adults. Sometimes you have to work with people you don't like. That's life. Get over it. 
    8. I also completely understand that we are all busy. Personally, I've taking 17 credit hours and work two part-time jobs. I've never once complained about them not being able to do something because of work or school. Like I said earlier though, if you say you want to do something or will do something, I expect you to follow through. I was raised to keep my promises. 
    9. I wasn't expecting a "sugar coating". I was looking for some real advice like "Why don't you try talking to them and seeing what they want to participate in" type of thing or looking for someone who had a similar experience.
    10. It's not like I think about this 24/7. My 2nd fitting is just next week so I recently thought about it. Like I said, I just wanted to get it off my chest. It's not like it is some huge ordeal. 
    11. I am planning my wedding with my fiance but obviously he isn't going to go to dress fittings with me. I wasn't wanting to plan the entire wedding with my MOHs/bridesmaids--just get ideas and opinions from them. Like for decor and flowers. Things a guy shouldn't care about. I don't think I ever said I "dreamed" about planning my wedding with my friends. I guess I just thought that's how it was planned.Then again, I've never got married before so I have no idea!

    I appreciate the comments that were helpful, I just don't want people thinking I'm some crazy b**** bridezilla. I just wanted to get some little thing I was thinking about off my chest and since I wasn't going to tell my best friends (my MOHs/bridesmaids), I thought here would be a good place to do it.
    quoted JIC.
    1. Way too long to read.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    Report Reply
  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    The part that rubs me the wrong way is how you said men "shouldn't" be interested in flowers or decor. They can be interested in whatever they want. My husband was actually just as excited, if not more, than I was about my bouquet. Nothing wrong with that. He went to help me with finding my dress too. He took pictures, even helped me find the lady who was helping me when she'd disappear.
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