Pre-wedding Parties

Anyone else out there NOT having a shower, engagement party and bachelorette party (like me)?

I live in Texas (for 5 1/2 years), my MOH (oldest sister) lives in New York, and my BM (other sister) lives in VA. I did not have an engagement party. I don't expect a shower or a bachelorette party either. I don't have anything against these traditions; I just don't have a lot of friends. It's tough living far away from my sisters, but even if I lived close by I won't expect them to plan a party for me. I'm 33 years old. I don't regularly socialize or have a group of girlfriends that I hang out with anyway. I don't mind that I'm not going to be having these parties...a small part of me thinks it would be fun to have at least one of them. Maybe just to feel special (and not just to get stuff). But it would be very weird (and self-centered) to throw my own.

Is anyone else not having these types of parties? Am I all alone on this? *sigh*

Re: Anyone else out there NOT having a shower, engagement party and bachelorette party (like me)?

  • I didn't have a shower. Engagement parties aren't a "thing" where I live, so we didn't have one of those.
    I did have a "bachelorette", but it was really only 6 girls (and 1 guy) who took me out to a bar after some games at my MOH's house.

    You're not missing out on anything.
  • We didn't have an engagement party. I told everyone no showers too because I hate being the centre of attention, but my MIL threw me one, as well as my aunt (one where everyone gave us alcohol! :)) and then my friends & bridal party had a lingerie one for me at my bachelorette. The only one I knew about was the one my MIL threw for me.
  • We sort of had an engagement party.  We went to visit DHs mom and sister (they live about 5 miles apart) one day when some other out of town family were visiting.  They declared it our "engagement party" and gave us a bottle of champagne, bride and groom teddy bears, and a card.  We also got to fill our plates first at dinner.  

    As for showers and bachelorette parties I am personally not a fan of them and my MOH knew I wasn't interested in having either.
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  • Engagement parties aren't really a thing in my circle. I always thought I never wanted a shower, but my future mother-in-law is so excited about planning one for me so I'm going to have one. My sister really wants to plan one too (my family and my future in-laws don't live near each other) so I guess I might even have two. I can deal with being the center of attention for one-two days (I hate, hate, HATE attention from a lot of people at once) if it really makes both sides of the family happy to have the parties. I wouldn't say you're missing too much by not having one though--they always kind of feel like the birthday parties you went to as a kid to me due to games and watching someone open gifts.

    I'm not sure about a bachelorette party, but it will probably be pretty low key if I have one. I don't think it would be lame to throw your own bachelorette party though--or even just get together with your sisters sometime before the wedding to go out and celebrate. Maybe something small like that would be manageable?
  • I did not have an engagement party-- my mom/MIL kept talking about doing one but it always fell through and with a 10 month engagement anyway I finally said not to worry about it!  There are a lot of brides who do not want parties, so its totally fine.  You never know, maybe someone will offer to host one for you, and if not maybe there will be a time when you are home with your sisters (a holiday or something) and you guys can do something fun together.  Or when everyone is in town for the wedding itself, maybe dinner or drinks can be arranged.  It can be co-ed or whatever you like.  You don't call it a "bachelorette" party but if your sister or someone catches on that you want a "get together" they will take the reins and plan a little get together in your honor a day or two before the wedding for you.  Are you close to your mom?  Let her know you would like something like this and she can be the birdie that puts in your sisters ear?
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  • No engagement party and I doubt I will have a bachelorette party.  If I do it will be more like "lets all go get a mani and pedi" type event.
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  • My parents wanted to take us and FI's parents along with our grandparents out to dinner for an engagement party. It ended up falling through for various reasons. I will not be having a wedding shower. My bridesmaids said they are planning on doing a bachelorette party though which I thought was super sweet of them.
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  • No I'm not close to my Mom. She lives in NY anyway and doesn't know any of my friends
  • We had a casual engagement party just so our families could meet but I don't plan on having a shower or a bachelorette party. None of my friends know each other because I met them all during different phases of my life (through work, different schools, etc.) and I think it would be awkward for me and for them if I made them all get together for a bachelorette party!
  • We are having a bridal party party.  We are all going away for the weekend so that everyone in the party can get to know each other, and then we will also have a joint bachelorette party.  But we will not be having a shower or engagment party.
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  • I have same scenario as OP.  My 2 sisters (AKA bridemaids) and I live in 3 different states about 1500-2000 miles apart. No other close girlfriends nearby. No engagement party (not the norm in my circle of people, but wouldn't really have many people to invite anyway). I don't expect or plan to have any bridal showers. I know my BM's want to do some sort of bachelorette event while we are all together for the wedding.  But, the drinking/bar scene really isn't for me.  So, the current plan is to do a spa day with the girls a couple days before the wedding when we are all together.  Go get mani-pedis, maybe facials, maybe massages.  

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  • No pre-parties for us.  We're not having bridesmaids/groomsmen, either. 

    I had a shower at my first wedding - I was 20, ex was 21 and we really NEEDED the "housey" things that the shower gifts are meant to be.  My now-FI and I have lived together for 2 years and have MORE than enough "stuff." 

    The few things we did register for aren't enough to constitute a whole shower's worth, and most are on average pricier than the average shower gift in our area.  ($50-$75)

    I've never even heard of an engagement party in real life.  We ARE taking the parents all out to dinner next week, as they've still never managed to meet, after all this time!
  • We didn't have an engagement party but I know that I'll be having a shower for sure (I'm from a small town and the ladies LOVE planning things like that).

    I'm still iffy on my bachelorette party. Like OP, I don't have a huge circle of friends and am closest with my cousins. Two of my bridesmaids live far away so I don't expect them to attend, and MOH is currently doing her Masters so I know she's super busy. If anything, I'd probably like to just go out for supper and drinks, maybe meet up with the guys later in the evening. I've been to a few parties like this and it has been really fun (plus, there aren't strip clubs where I'm from so the guys are usually game for meeting up later too).

     

  • I went home for Christmas vacation. The plan was to meet my Dad at the bowling alley with my sisters, fiance and brother in law. When I walked in, the rest of my family and some high school friends were there yelling, "SURPRISE!" My sisters, Mom and a family friend threw me and my fiance a surprise wedding shower!! It was fantastic!! I was so touched because I was a little bummed thinking I was not going to get a shower. I expressed my thanks to them over and over. We all had a wonderful time and it was great seeing all of my family.
  • I am having a shower.  My FIs family is throwing me a shower and my sister is throwing me a shower.  I have two friends other than my sister, lol.  I try to avoid work drama, and do not socialize with anyone there, and I have never met a true friend. (One who didn't wind up being a b*#^, except for the two mentioned above and my sister.)  
       I will only have 25 people at the first shower (That is including my sister, two nieces, brother-in-law, mom, step-mom and FI's 4 sisters.)So I really only have 15 people invited, that aren't close family, and four people live too far to make it to the bridal shower. But as I HATE bridal shower games, with a passion, I know we will all have a blast just playing normal board games or lawn games. Keeping the party small, you can kind of do what you like, and the parties don't seem so drawn out, while you are opening presents for an eternity (kind of boring for the guests if it goes over an hour).  I did not have an engagement party.  I think two parties are more than enough expenses to be put on your wedding guests. (Weddings are expensive for your guests, too.)  
          I am actually post-poning my bachelorette party to have a ball and chain party.  Two of my bridesmaids are pregnant. It is more important to me to have them with me than to have a party that is considered your last night of freedom.  There is nothing I can do at my bachelorette party I can't do after I am married. My last single girl day, was the night before my FI and I entered into a committed relationship, so to me, there is no such thing as a free pass to be disrespectful.  To have my girls with me, knowing I will be respectful to my husband, I think it is totally fine to have a get together with the girls until after the wedding.
  • My MOH (best friend since we were 3) was going to throw me a shower and bachlorette party. But then we were talking and I told her that I don't want anything crazy. And just a day out with her and a few other friends and get a room at a hotel in Boston for the night would be all we need. I am also having a wedding of about 40 guests and me have everything we need in our apartment (i moved into my grandmothers place after she passed to take care of her dog and have assumed the rent) so we have almost every thing except a good rice cooker. No need for a bridal shower.
  • We did not have an engagement party.  I am having a bachelorette because my MOH really wants to throw one, and I'm looking forward to having my friends together for a night.  I've gone back and forth about whether or not I wanted a shower.  Initially I told everyone NO because I was overwhelmed with wedding planning and the thought of having to have another wedding focused event was unappealing.  Now that wedding planning is winding down and things are more settled, I sort of regret doing that, because now I'm thinking it would've been nice to have everyone together.  But I don't really need/want gifts.  So I'm also debating just hosting a bridal lunch/brunch for the wedding party + close family members.
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