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Awkward Bridal Show!

LarraO2530LarraO2530 member
Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
My younger sister got engaged 1 month before me in 2013, and my mom can't stop fussing over how wonderful HER engagement is (and I'm supposed to be her MOH). I haven't been taking it to heart because my mom has always been closer to my sister than to me, BUT.... My FMIL is SUPER excited about my upcoming wedding and has invited me to a few brial shows and has even taken me to try on dresses. We were at a show in my hometown over the weekend, and who happens upon us but my mom and sister. The entire time, my mom said nothing and just scowled at me as if to say "how dare you come here...with HER" while my sister just jabbered on and on about how many vendors were there to look at. I made the conversation as short as possible and went about my afternoon. While I am very happy to have such a great relationship with my FMIL, it does hurt a little that my own mother wouldn't think to ask me to come, especially since I'm (apparently) the "MOH", not to mention a bride as well. Any advice on how to deal with this sort of thing in case it happens in the future?
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Re: Awkward Bridal Show!

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    pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I would try and be honest with your mom and let her know that you would really like her to be involved in your wedding also.  But then if her actions continue I would be hurt, but just step away and realize that's how it is going to be.  I would at least make an effort though, just in case she is doing it because she thinks thats what you want, maybe she is hurt that you are working with your MIL instead of her, either way I get being hurt, I would have felt the same way in that situation.
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    LarraO2530LarraO2530 member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    Thanks for your advice! I should have included that there has been on-going tension with my mom and sister, the engagements have just escalated it. It's a really long story, but the gist of it is: I have always been independent and willing to have a job and do what it takes to get by/get my education, my sister is a complete 180. I have accepted that my mom doesn't want "empty nest" syndrome and that is part of the reason she treats my younger sister the way she does. It came to a point, a few years ago, where I realized that I couldn't even discuss my upcoming graduation with my mom without something about my sister being thrown in my face. I invited both my parents and my fiance's (who was my BF at the time) to the graduation and explained very clearly that the reason I invited them was because they offered me a great deal of support and were excited for and proud of me and I wanted everyone who loved me to share this event. My mom decided this would be the perfect setting for her to make a scene and then pout about how she's my mother and she has the right....I do see what you're saying, I just should have put a little more back story in my post... I feel exhausted about the whole thing :(
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    JasperandOpalJasperandOpal member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer First Comment
    I'm sorry, it sounds like there is quite a bit of history there and that this has hurt you so I agree that you should talk to your mother and explain that you would love to have her involvement.  If you have always been independent, she might not realize that you want her around now.  

    In addition, you don't mention the time span between your wedding and your sister's.  I am getting married four months after my older sister and because of this I spoke with my mother (we are very close) and we decided that we wouldn't talk about my wedding too much so that my sister didn't feel like I was pulling focus from her.  Maybe your mother/sister feel something similar here? 
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    If I were you, I'd just talk to my mom less, and ignore her glares and pouty faces.
    image
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree with Kuus. Your mother isn't going to change. So just ignore her and move on. 

    If she pouts or glares, pretend it's not happening -- if she doesn't get a rise out of you by being passive-aggressive, the action loses some fun for her. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    LarraO2530LarraO2530 member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment

    My sister's wedding is in October of 2015, mine won't be until May/June of 2016 because I am currently working toward my RN. So around 7-8 months between. Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate some unbiased views and opinions.

    I never really think to try to have a "heart to heart" with my mom because she isn't the type of person who is emotionally available, and I've learned to let things roll off my back for the most part. I will try to ask if they plan on any other events coming up, or maybe try to plan on inviting them to one to see if that helps.

    Again, thanks!

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