S/O: What is the rudest comment someone has made about your wedding?

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

I've asked opinions and thoughts/ideas from both sides to keep feeling people included. My FFIL was very easy going, had a "it's your day do what you want" attitude. Up until last weekend, for nearly 3 weeks he was piping up with ideas, comments, etc, wanting the timeline of events, and asking/suggesting things in what he probably thinks is a helpful tone, but to a bride who's singlehandedly put the plans and details together (FI popped in and out with opinions, but ultimately told me to do what I wanted as he trusts my capabilities), it came across as condescending. I finally wanted to tell him to go take a good dose of STFU.

The nice part of that, I'd told my mom about it, and she used it to gently/tactfully tell my Dad that his last minute ideas (a collage of photos of me, him, and my family, where it'd go, I've no idea, and "hello my name is" name tags for my entire side of the family, none for FI's for the reception) could basically go to hell, he had his chance to talk to me about it, and he didn't take it.

louandbean · February 2014

Shout out to my aunt for telling me that the wedding was a waste of time and money, because my marriage will fail since it is "unequally yoked." (Note: this is coming from a woman who had an affair with her pastor and husband's best friend.)

CrazyCatLady3 · February 2014

louandbean said:

Shout out to my aunt for telling me that the wedding was a waste of time and money, because my marriage will fail since it is "unequally yoked." (Note: this is coming from a woman who had an affair with her pastor and husband's best friend.)

What does "unequally yoked" mean?

Inkdancer · February 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

louandbean said:

Shout out to my aunt for telling me that the wedding was a waste of time and money, because my marriage will fail since it is "unequally yoked." (Note: this is coming from a woman who had an affair with her pastor and husband's best friend.)

What does "unequally yoked" mean?

It's a Biblical reference--means a Christian married to a non-Christian.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

Inkdancer said:

CrazyCatLady3 said:

louandbean said:

Shout out to my aunt for telling me that the wedding was a waste of time and money, because my marriage will fail since it is "unequally yoked." (Note: this is coming from a woman who had an affair with her pastor and husband's best friend.)

What does "unequally yoked" mean?

It's a Biblical reference--means a Christian married to a non-Christian.

As someone who grew up in the church I got a lot of flack when fi and I started dating because we were "unequally yoked" those people are NOT going to get an invite

Lonelilly · March 2014

"You're WAYYY too young! And you're not even ugly - I don't know why you're already settling. Don't you want to have fun? And experiment? And live your life?"

Live your life? Did you get that from an American Eagle advertisement?

I realize marriage isn't for everyone, but gee, if marriage meant never having fun or being an independent individual or living life, then I don't know why anyone would want to get married at all, at any age.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

I just got, "why would you want to marry him now, you won't even be in the same state. You should wait" well you might not understand his vet school schedule, but in the scheme of things, me working away for him for a year or two isn't going to break us. He is visiting on breaks and I'll visit every three weeks. Not that it is any of your business. Sorry, a little grumpy. It isn't like I want to live in a different state.

jalyndani · March 2014

@blueeyes90 No worries, FI and I are in the same situation except I'm the one in vet school! We're in different states and won't be able to live together until after I finish. Like your & your FI, a year or two away from each other isn't going to change anything for us after all this time. And it is very frustrating to get the "oh bless your heart" looks from everyone when the topic arises. As you said- none of their business.

HaileyDancingbear · March 2014

Lonelilly said:

"You're WAYYY too young! And you're not even ugly - I don't know why you're already settling. Don't you want to have fun? And experiment? And live your life?"

Live your life? Did you get that from an American Eagle advertisement?

I realize marriage isn't for everyone, but gee, if marriage meant never having fun or being an independent individual or living life, then I don't know why anyone would want to get married at all, at any age.

@lonelilly I've gotten the same comments though not quite as blunt. It's so obnoxious, especially the "Experimenting" comment- sure, let me just dump someone who makes me happy and is wonderful to me so that I can sleep with random d-bags. Sounds like a plan. Of course nobody who has been around FI and I together ever says that, it's just the people who have no clue what our relationship is like and just assume young people can't have successful relationships.

The assumption that marriage equals a sexless unfulfilling relationship is ridiculous, and it amazes me how many people think that way. The problem is the relationship, not the document- it's not a magic paper of unhappiness. In fact marriage, for couples that actually belong together, is an extremely happy thing. It annoys me how pessimistic so many people have gotten.

EmilyAnn8973 · March 2014

I work at an upscale department store and people can be pretty pretentious. A few weeks ago a coworker asked to see my engagement ring and then said "Oh cute, it's so simple, very you. My bf knows that when he proposes to me I need a big fancy ring because that's my style." Yeah thanks....I didn't ask. Also I have a 1ct solitaire, she's right that it is simple and my style but it isn't tiny.

Also when we first got engaged my FFIL suggested to me multiple times that FH and I should just get married at the courthouse right away and then have a big wedding/PPD later so that I could be on his insurance and not have to work full time while going to school full time. I think he had the best intentions in mind and I don't mean to insult him because he is a great FFIL and I love him. Anyway, I had no idea about the controversy surrounding that issue but I knew that I wanted my friends and family present when I really got married. Also I have a 4.0 gpa and I'm the top sales person in my dept. so one more year of doing what I was already doing was not exactly a challenge. I politely told him I didn't like the idea about three times and told FH that I might finally lose my cool if FFIL suggested it one more time, luckily he didn't.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

jalyndani ah! What vet school? (You don't have to say if you don't want) FI is in Oregon. Best of luck. FI is in his second year. We will be married in December of his 3rd year. The only time we could guarantee he would get time off. It was tough because we had to give up on the dream of a summer wedding (which he really really really wanted). But we are rocking the winter wedding and super stoked because it was the right decision for us.

But for your reassurance, my parents were married and then spend 1.5 years apart and couldn't afford to visit except holidays. They are stronger for it and it was worth it to them! We are actually getting married on their 30th anniversary. But knowing they did it, made it not seem as crazy to me.

Glad to really see we're not alone!

jalyndani · March 2014

@blueeyes90 I'm in Mississippi. Home & FI are in Texas. We're getting married (finally, after 11 years together) this June- it's the break between my 2nd & 3rd years.

Speaking of school-related rude comments....

I made this comment on the Students board, but it should be added to the "rudest things" list too.

Whenever the topic of my impending nuptials arises in a conversation with someone that's not family or close friend, the line of questioning inevitably gets to "So when is your FI moving to Mississippi?". When I inform them that he is not relocating and that I've only got 2 more years, their first reaction is that damned "oh bless your heart" look, but you can see the wheels turning in their head to say something that they consider to be "positive advice". The very next thing out of their mouths is always something to the extent of "Oh, well that's probably better anyway! You wouldn't want to him to distract you from your studies! Vet school needs all of your attention, and you don't want to lose sight of your goals."

Look here tootsie, FI and I have been in college in some capacity since 2002... Between the two of us, we have two Bachelors, two Masters, a teacher's certification, a PhD, and half of a veterinary doctorate. I'm pretty sure in the last 12 years together, we figured out a way to "keep sight of our goals" without distracting each other. Thanks for making us feel like we're a pair of 14 year-olds in our first relationship and with no idea of how to control ourselves.

Vivandiere8 · March 2014

The night we got engaged we went to a backyard bonfire party and met the mother of one of my friends for the first time. When she heard we were engaged the first advice she gave us was to wait a good handful of years before we got married. No less than five. We told her we had been dating for about five years and had been friends for eight, and we were very excited to get married and wanted to do it with in the year. This only made her more animated in her insistence that an engagement is for learning if you want to marry this person (huh? I thought that's what the dating period leading up the the engagement was for!), and finding out who they really are, etc. She insisted it would be a huge mistake for us to marry with in a year, and that we should follow her advice because with her current marriage they were engaged for nine years before they decided to get married, and that everything had to be done in the right order! This got a smirk from her daughter who threw in, "right Mom, like having Mike (her youngest brother) four years into the engagement?" This didn't break her stride and insistence that we would really be screwing things up if we got married so soon after our engagement..... You know I get that some people have to wait a few years because of financial reasons, school, or what have you, but it's my belief that you should figure out if you want to marry this person BEFORE you pop the question, not after. And we are both in our early thirties so it's not even like we need to "live life first" as I've seen some pervious young posters being advised of in this thread.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

jalyndani don't hate me, I say that sometimes even though I know it isn't true. It makes me feel better about missing him. But I really just say it to him. I say "well sweetie I'll have free evenings and I'll probably want to play with you instead of letting you study"

But what I really wish I could do is make him dinner and drop it off at school and have his laundry done so he can focus. I wish I could hug my kitty and hold him.

But we skype date almost every night.

Home is OR for us, but I'm in CA and just got a job in AZ. Hoping to hear back from other CA places.

CaitlinGriffin · March 2014

I guess less about my wedding and more about me. My sister kept saying that she didn't expect me to want a ballgown and that its weird to picture me wanting a dress because I was such a tomboy when we were younger.... well wtf would you like me to wear then?

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

MafiaWinter said:

A few days later, I got this gem in a facebook message from a friend who lives out of state and has already informed us that she will not be able to attend, even though invitations have definitely not been sent out. "You'd better not get married on September twenty fifth, because that's my birthday, and I'll be so pissed." ........ I'll feel bad if it's on someone's birthday, but only if that person is actually invited.

Ugh this happened to me too! We were at a party and she gave me the stinkeye when I said my wedding date. After a prolonged pause she said, "That's the day after my birthday." I bean-dipped, because I have no intention of inviting her anyway.

Please, if we had to arrange our weddings around all guests' birthdays and anniversaries, the world would have stopped having weddings ages ago.

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

Vivandiere8 said:

The night we got engaged we went to a backyard bonfire party and met the mother of one of my friends for the first time. When she heard we were engaged the first advice she gave us was to wait a good handful of years before we got married. No less than five. We told her we had been dating for about five years and had been friends for eight, and we were very excited to get married and wanted to do it with in the year. This only made her more animated in her insistence that an engagement is for learning if you want to marry this person (huh? I thought that's what the dating period leading up the the engagement was for!), and finding out who they really are, etc. She insisted it would be a huge mistake for us to marry with in a year, and that we should follow her advice because with her current marriage they were engaged for nine years before they decided to get married, and that everything had to be done in the right order! This got a smirk from her daughter who threw in, "right Mom, like having Mike (her youngest brother) four years into the engagement?" This didn't break her stride and insistence that we would really be screwing things up if we got married so soon after our engagement..... You know I get that some people have to wait a few years because of financial reasons, school, or what have you, but it's my belief that you should figure out if you want to marry this person BEFORE you pop the question, not after. And we are both in our early thirties so it's not even like we need to "live life first" as I've seen some pervious young posters being advised of in this thread.

You know what, I think the bolded part has roots in old tradition. Handfasting, I believe it's called. You get the equivalent of engaged, wait a year, and if you're still into it, you get married. Since I'm part English I was looking up English traditions and came across that somewhere along the way.

Vivandiere8 · March 2014

thisismynickname said:

Vivandiere8 said:

The night we got engaged we went to a backyard bonfire party and met the mother of one of my friends for the first time. When she heard we were engaged the first advice she gave us was to wait a good handful of years before we got married. No less than five. We told her we had been dating for about five years and had been friends for eight, and we were very excited to get married and wanted to do it with in the year. This only made her more animated in her insistence that an engagement is for learning if you want to marry this person (huh? I thought that's what the dating period leading up the the engagement was for!), and finding out who they really are, etc. She insisted it would be a huge mistake for us to marry with in a year, and that we should follow her advice because with her current marriage they were engaged for nine years before they decided to get married, and that everything had to be done in the right order! This got a smirk from her daughter who threw in, "right Mom, like having Mike (her youngest brother) four years into the engagement?" This didn't break her stride and insistence that we would really be screwing things up if we got married so soon after our engagement..... You know I get that some people have to wait a few years because of financial reasons, school, or what have you, but it's my belief that you should figure out if you want to marry this person BEFORE you pop the question, not after. And we are both in our early thirties so it's not even like we need to "live life first" as I've seen some pervious young posters being advised of in this thread.

You know what, I think the bolded part has roots in old tradition. Handfasting, I believe it's called. You get the equivalent of engaged, wait a year, and if you're still into it, you get married. Since I'm part English I was looking up English traditions and came across that somewhere along the way.

Maybe, but first this is a very young mother who I wouldn't think would be so interested in old traditions (had my friend who it 22 when she was sixteen), and she didn't want us to wait a year, or two. She wanted us to wait five to ten years! I thought it was pretty funny. I couldn't imagine either of us wanting to wait so long. Two years would be the max

CaliMel11 · March 2014

My coworker is a nice person. But literally EVERY DAY she "teases" me and asks me "Are you suuuureee you want to get married? You're really sure?" "you don't need to get married!" "Are you sure he's the one?" "You know you have to be with him forever, you are sure he's the one?"

If I wasn't sure and didn't want to be married, I wouldn't have said yes! Also, I'm sorry, but badgering someone daily about it is not going to magically change things. I know it's because her own marriage did not work out, but come on!

J9lawrence · March 2014

One thing I didn't like about wedding planning was how everybody just has to give you their opinion. Seriously, if I wanted your opinion, I would ask for it...

What hurt me the most was when I told my sister that me and my husband were engaged, she replied "I thought you were already engaged". As if that wasn't awkward enough, she kept repeating it.

We got married in Las Vegas, and anytime she would ask about the wedding she would always make references about it being cheesy and tacky. My wedding was neither cheesy or tacky, but it still hurt!

Inkdancer · March 2014

I feel like we all need to wear this shirt constantly:

loro929 · March 2014

Inkdancer said:

I feel like we all need to wear this shirt constantly:

this. ALWAYS this.

McCMal · March 2014

This weekend my aunt came to visit. She's single, and caring for my elderly grandmother who is dying and has recently decided to downgrade her life, get back to the simple things and review every bad decision anyone in our family has made, according to what she thinks about it. But she is a very abrasive person.

With me, it was that my budget wedding was still to much. After several days of nit picking every aspect of it, she let slip this little number;

"Your marriage wont last because your FI has faults that will only get worse, and you are settling. You will feel embarrassed to have had a large wedding when you get divorced." This being said after meeting my FI twice.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

McCMal said:
This weekend my aunt came to visit. She's single, and caring for my elderly grandmother who is dying and has recently decided to downgrade her life, get back to the simple things and review every bad decision anyone in our family has made, according to what she thinks about it. But she is a very abrasive person.

With me, it was that my budget wedding was still to much. After several days of nit picking every aspect of it, she let slip this little number;
"Your marriage wont last because your FI has faults that will only get worse, and you are settling. You will feel embarrassed to have had a large wedding when you get divorced."
This being said after meeting my FI twice.

I think that's when I'd reply "no wonder your single"

McCMal · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

This weekend my aunt came to visit. She's single, and caring for my elderly grandmother who is dying and has recently decided to downgrade her life, get back to the simple things and review every bad decision anyone in our family has made, according to what she thinks about it. But she is a very abrasive person.

With me, it was that my budget wedding was still to much. After several days of nit picking every aspect of it, she let slip this little number;
"Your marriage wont last because your FI has faults that will only get worse, and you are settling. You will feel embarrassed to have had a large wedding when you get divorced." This being said after meeting my FI twice.
I think that's when I'd reply "no wonder your single"

Oh trust me, there was a long list of replies I had, and that was one of them. I kept them to myself though, because I knew if I insulted her and not invited her to the wedding, my grandmother would not be able to come, because my aunt is taking care of her and if she doesn't come, grandma physically can't come. So I had to pretend agree with her, and make her feel somewhat included. Pure torture.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

Gosh I hope you had a lot of wine then after dealing with auntie dearest. More power to you for biting your tongue!

McCMal · March 2014

Lots and lots of wine. And champagne. We kind of tasted a bunch of stuff for the wedding

jennyleigh16 · March 2014

When we got together with my FI's family at Christmas (first family gathering since the engagement), I was told by his uncle's FI (in their 60s) that we should just elope and go on a nice honeymoon since weddings are all a waste of money, nobody cares, and all we'll remember is the honeymoon anyway. This was after calling me a kid and talking about how their wedding was going to be a "non-event". The 8 other people in the room agreed with her. It offended me, particularly when I realized that my FI and I were the only people in the room who hadn't been divorced at least once. I jokingly told her "maybe for my next wedding". The family seems to think we should model our wedding after his dad and SM which was a court house ceremony followed by lunch, after which people were handed bills for their meals. So many nopes.

tesgirl123 · March 2014

My FFIL said that he wanted there to be a strong presence from his family at the wedding. Meaning he wanted his family to stand out. Mind you that his son is, you know, the Groom. His other son is one of the best men, his other DIL is a bridesmaid, and his granddaughters are the FGs.

He wanted he and his brother (my FI's uncle) to wear special tuxes to stand out. He wanted his niece to be a FG (as well as his grandaughters) and he only wanted his family members to carry up the gifts during our Catholic Mass. He wanted to put his family's mark on the wedding.

It took all my self control to tell him that he wasn't a dog peeing on a fire hydrant and there was no mark to be left.

KRD2014 · March 2014

early in the search for a wedding venue, FH and I were on a mountain vacation, looking at venues, and i particularly was stressing on finding the right one, AND i was having a bad day ... we dropped by our friend's cabin to say hi to some friends also vacationing in the area. in casual conversation we explained the purpose for our trip and the issues we were having with logistics and the venue style we wanted, so a friend's husband started making all kinds of irrelevant suggestions to do the wedding another way. then we mentioned a particular venue, his comment was "OH that place sucks don't do it there!".. to which i finally said "Thanks for your opinion but we know what we want and we're here to look and see if WE think this place will work for what we want." his comment was "Is this your FIRST wedding?" with a very condescening side-eye look at me, as if i had no idea what i was doing. i said "No actually, it isn't..." and I walked away. out the house, up the street, started balling, cuz i'm a girl and i cry when i'm stressed. LOL ...... soon found crying in the car, one of my bridesmaids came out to console me and said "Save the tears for the wedding day. You shouldn't be this emotional yet anyway, you're not even preggers.' .......... WTF came to mind, but i had no comment for that one! LOL

S/O: What is the rudest comment someone has made about your wedding?

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