Can I ask the guys to buy their suits?

SBmini · January 2014

My fiance wants to buy his suit instead of rent. Which I think is a good idea. Then one of his groomsmen said he'd like to buy his suit as well because he needs a new gray suit anyways. We have two other guys in the wedding party. I'm having trouble finding a place where we can rent suits opposed to tuxes. I'd rather not have two guys in suits and two guys in tuxes. Is it OK to ask them to buy a charcoal suit? I'm not asking for matching shoes and I'll provide the ties.

MobKaz · January 2014

Hmmmm....The guys were expecting to rent their attire. As long as the cost of the suit/shirt does not exceed what they expected to spend on the rental, I can't really see a reason not to suggest it. The only "downfall" would be the shopping experience. Most guys are basically told to go to XX Tuxedo shop, get measured, and call it a day. It is possible you may have to do some recon shopping for them.

erinlin25 · January 2014

It would be OK if there was a budget attached to it just like a bridesmaid dress. So you can say hey groomsman we are looking a attire options and need to know your budget so we can figure out if it will be better to buy or rent attire. A Tux rental can cost close to $200 so there should be a financial ok on a budget regardless if they buy or rent. Depending on the suit you pick it may be cheaper than renting so most would go for it. My husband would be pissed though if he had to buy a $400 suit (just a cost example) because he would probably never wear it again (he already has a nice suit for when he needs to dress up) and $400 is a lot of money for something he will not use. BUT I know you can find great deals on buying a nice suit (Men's Wearhouse does a BOGO deal often so two guys can split the cost and each get a nice suit out of the deal. Or there are nice charcoal suit options at department stores as well that are affordable.

so basically get a budget established and as long as you find something within that budget it is totally OK to ask them to buy a suit instead of renta tuxedo.

jenniferurs · January 2014

We had our guys buy tuxes. The cost of the rental was going to be $200 and it was going to be $250 to purchase the tux we liked better, so we just offered to pay the difference.

In the end, they paid the same price they were going to, but instead of wearing it once, they'll be able to get multiple uses out of it. They were pretty pleased.

SBmini · January 2014

erinlin25 said:

It would be OK if there was a budget attached to it just like a bridesmaid dress. So you can say hey groomsman we are looking a attire options and need to know your budget so we can figure out if it will be better to buy or rent attire. A Tux rental can cost close to $200 so there should be a financial ok on a budget regardless if they buy or rent. Depending on the suit you pick it may be cheaper than renting so most would go for it. My husband would be pissed though if he had to buy a $400 suit (just a cost example) because he would probably never wear it again (he already has a nice suit for when he needs to dress up) and $400 is a lot of money for something he will not use. BUT I know you can find great deals on buying a nice suit (Men's Wearhouse does a BOGO deal often so two guys can split the cost and each get a nice suit out of the deal. Or there are nice charcoal suit options at department stores as well that are affordable.

so basically get a budget established and as long as you find something within that budget it is totally OK to ask them to buy a suit instead of renta tuxedo.

I still need to do some more research. I don't know if I just need to say- get a charcoal gray, two-button suit, or, buy this exact suit. If they have slightly different suits, will people really notice?

artbyallie · January 2014

We just told our groomsmen to wear a dark suit with a light blue shirt and we provided ties. The suits were all different but looked fine. One dark suit looks much the same as the next regardless of whether it's black, navy, or charcoal.

mrsbanany · January 2014

We haven't decided anything yet for our wedding but at another wedding that my FI was a groomsmen in, they had to buy suits. However, they weren't classic black suits, they were khakis and a blue jacket. My FI already owned both of those things but the bride and groom insisted they buy them from Jos. A. Bank because they thought the shades would differ and look weird in pictures. Since the groom was my FI's brother, he bought the suit and it turned out that the guy at the store had the shade of khaki wrong and my FI and his other brother had the wrong shade of khaki anyway. We noticed it in the pictures only because the bride and groom were so persistent about the shades matching. So in my opinion that was a waste of $200. To answer your question, I think as long as you are clear with the groomsmen and get budgets and if they are willing to buy the suit, you should be fine. Just be prepared for them to not want to buy the suit.

Dignity100 · January 2014

I agree - do some recon, maybe see if the boys know their sizes and go in advance to Marshall's and/or TJ Maxx and see if they have anything there that matches what you're looking for. Other than that, keep an eye out for sales. I know when I went to a bridal show/David's Bridal I got some deals for like Men's Warehouse and such, so you might even want to see if you could get coupons for them. Stores are also starting their 'Winter Clearance' deals - so just keep an eye out there for them.

YourDogDontKnowSit · January 2014

SBmini said: erinlin25 said: It would be OK if there was a budget attached to it just like a bridesmaid dress. So you can say hey groomsman we are looking a attire options and need to know your budget so we can figure out if it will be better to buy or rent attire. A Tux rental can cost close to $200 so there should be a financial ok on a budget regardless if they buy or rent. Depending on the suit you pick it may be cheaper than renting so most would go for it. My husband would be pissed though if he had to buy a $400 suit (just a cost example) because he would probably never wear it again (he already has a nice suit for when he needs to dress up) and $400 is a lot of money for something he will not use. BUT I know you can find great deals on buying a nice suit (Men's Wearhouse does a BOGO deal often so two guys can split the cost and each get a nice suit out of the deal. Or there are nice charcoal suit options at department stores as well that are affordable.

so basically get a budget established and as long as you find something within that budget it is totally OK to ask them to buy a suit instead of renta tuxedo.
I still need to do some more research. I don't know if I just need to say- get a charcoal gray, two-button suit, or, buy this exact suit. If they have slightly different suits, will people really notice?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote button not working properly for whatever reason, but...

Definitely just tell them the color. A suit is a pretty personal item for a guy and he will not wear it again if it's not exactly what he likes. If they are all in the same color, have similar ties that are in the same color/pattern family (since you said you'll get their ties), and they're all standing up by the alter - people will know that they're groomsmen. They don't have to be in identical suits. That said, if they would rather rent and THEY can do the legwork on finding out where to do that, then that would be fine too, as long as they're in a charcoal gray suit.

emmyg65 · January 2014

Just tell them the color. Then they can decide if they want to splurge on something nice or go to the clearance rack at Macy's. You can pull the looks together with the same color shirt, tie, and boutonniere.

photokitty · January 2014

For my sister's wedding the groom and GMs all bought suits. They got them at Kohls for way cheaper than tux rental with a 30% off coupon. If it costs the same or less than the previous agreed upon tux rental I think they would be happy to have something they could wear again…to another wedding or funeral at the very least.

KatWAG · January 2014

I agree, just pick a color and let the GMs dedcide. For our GMs, I told them to wear a tux, with a certain style shirt. If they didnt already have the shirt (for the GMs who owned their own tuxes) we bought the shirts. The rental tuxes included the shirt we wanted.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

If you are respectful of their budgets, just like you would be for a tux rental I see nothing wrong with it. Maybe try to find a store that they all have access to, be it a local suit store or a big chain store like Macy's. If you want them all in the same shade & style, then you need to let them know which specific suit to get. If you don't mind slight variations of the the gray, then just tell them the color & then they can find one that will work in their budget.

winelover123 · January 2014

Just tell them the color. For our wedding, H told his GMs to wear black suits. You really can't notice a difference between them.

SBmini · March 2014

Update. So one of our groomsmen had a charcoal suit already. We told one other one to buy charcoal. Well, he decided that he didn't like charcoal because it was an 'interview suit color' so he went and purchased a medium gray suit.

Since the gentlemen have let it be known that they can't follow instructions. My fiance decided to rent tuxes instead. He doesn't want the guys in different colors and thinks this will be way easier for everyone. Thankfully, the rogue groomsmen likes the suit color he purchased because now he'll have to wear it some other time rather than at our wedding.

princessleia22 · March 2014

SBmini said:

Update. So one of our groomsmen had a charcoal suit already. We told one other one to buy charcoal. Well, he decided that he didn't like charcoal because it was an 'interview suit color' so he went and purchased a medium gray suit.

Since the gentlemen have let it be known that they can't follow instructions. My fiance decided to rent tuxes instead. He doesn't want the guys in different colors and thinks this will be way easier for everyone. Thankfully, the rogue groomsmen likes the suit color he purchased because now he'll have to wear it some other time rather than at our wedding.

Wait a minute... am I understanding this correctly? Your FI decided he wanted charcoal suits instead of tux. So, two of the three groomsmen went out and bought grey suits for your wedding. Then your FI changed his mind and decided to go back to tuxes? I don't care if the reasoning is because one guy bought the wrong color suit, that seems horribly rude. So now these guys need to pay for tux rental on top of the cost of the suit they bought? Why don't you just tell the one groomsmen that he bought the wrong color and needs to return it and get a charcoal suit? But to say go buy a suit, so they go out and buy suit, then to turn around and say that because one guy doesn't like the color, they just wasted their money and now have to spend more money to rent a tux... I would be so upset by that. If it's a problem with the one groomsmen not liking the color, FI needs to talk to that one groomsman. If FI was torn on the suit vs. tux decision, his choice was made as soon as first guy spent money to comply with his request to buy a suit. When money is spent, you are past the point of being able to change your mind.

I don't see any issue with having them purchase suit rather than renting tux, as long as cost is comparable. If they cost about same, or suit costs less, it makes sense to go with buying suit since they can keep it, even if it's not something they'll wear often. My FI decided to go with suit rather than tux. The suit he chose was on sale and same price as it would have cost to rent the tux. Even if groomsmen never wear it again, they would have spent that much anyway to rent the tux for one day. And they will likely at least wear the pants or shirt again, even if not the whole suit. They wouldn't question color choice if renting, so as long as it's not costing them more to buy suit than it would to rent, they should be able to buy whatever color you request.

LDay2014 · March 2014

SBmini said:

Update. So one of our groomsmen had a charcoal suit already. We told one other one to buy charcoal. Well, he decided that he didn't like charcoal because it was an 'interview suit color' so he went and purchased a medium gray suit.

Since the gentlemen have let it be known that they can't follow instructions. My fiance decided to rent tuxes instead. He doesn't want the guys in different colors and thinks this will be way easier for everyone. Thankfully, the rogue groomsmen likes the suit color he purchased because now he'll have to wear it some other time rather than at our wedding.

What the hell?

They bought suits for your wedding and now you're telling them they have to rent tuxes too?

Maybe they had difficulty following direction because you couldn't make up your mind!

SBmini · March 2014

No- you two aren't understanding correctly.

Groomsman 1 already had a charcoal gray suit from another wedding. Groomsman 2 told us that he wanted to buy a new gray suit anyways, so he was OK with buying over renting. We told Groomsman 2 to buy a charcoal gray suit. Groomsman 2 decided that he didn't like the color and purchased a lighter gray suit instead. He did this because he felt like it was a color he could wear more in the future.

This was incredibly rude for the groomsman to do. He told us that he didn't want an 'interview suit' so he took it upon himself to buy a color that he liked better. He blatantly disregarded instructions after telling us he was OK with buying and ended up purchasing a suit in the color that my fiance planned on wearing in order to stand out from the guys. He already wanted a gray suit so he'd be able to wear it again or return it if he sees fit. But NO ONE purchased a charcoal suit because we asked them to! He purchased a medium gray suit because he wanted a medium gray suit.

The other two groomsman haven't purchased anything yet.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

Well I still wouldn't let that choice determine the overall scheme. You can still ask him to beg/borrow/steal a charcoal suit, the other will still be able to wear the one he has, and the others can buy or rent as they see fit.

JennyColada · March 2014

If someone told me I needed to buy "charcoal" and I liked "light grey" better, I personally wouldn't see the difference, so I think you're kind of out of place to be snotty about it and take it as a sort of personal affront.

Maybe you could try explaining to him that "light grey" =/= "charcoal" and that he can either exchange the suit for the "charcoal" or rent the correct color?

But really, if I were him, I'd think that I followed directions.
Grey is grey to me.

SBmini · March 2014

Jennycolada said:

If someone told me I needed to buy "charcoal" and I liked "light grey" better, I personally wouldn't see the difference, so I think you're kind of out of place to be snotty about it and take it as a sort of personal affront. Maybe you could try explaining to him that "light grey" =/= "charcoal" and that he can either exchange the suit for the "charcoal" or rent the correct color? But really, if I were him, I'd think that I followed directions. Grey is grey to me.

You are the one who is out of place here! If someone instructs you to buy something in one color for their wedding and you decide to buy a different color because you like it better- you are out of line! It isn't your wedding and it isn't your decision to make. The colors are completely different. One is a near black the other is a medium gray. It's no different than if a bridesmaid purchased a white dress instead of blush because she liked the color better. He purchased the same color suit as my fiance, so he would match him instead of matching the other groomsmen.

He knows they aren't the same color. He knows he didn't follow instructions. He flat out told us he didn't want a charcoal gray suit. Now my fiance is upset because they won't look cohesive so he's decided to rent. The groomsman completely ignored instructions because he didn't like the color. It's fine that he doesn't a charcoal suit, now he doesn't have to get one. He'll just rent.

KatWAG · March 2014

SBmini said:

Jennycolada said:

If someone told me I needed to buy "charcoal" and I liked "light grey" better, I personally wouldn't see the difference, so I think you're kind of out of place to be snotty about it and take it as a sort of personal affront. Maybe you could try explaining to him that "light grey" =/= "charcoal" and that he can either exchange the suit for the "charcoal" or rent the correct color? But really, if I were him, I'd think that I followed directions. Grey is grey to me.
You are the one who is out of place here! If someone instructs you to buy something in one color for their wedding and you decide to buy a different color because you like it better- you are out of line! It isn't your wedding and it isn't your decision to make. The colors are completely different. One is a near black the other is a medium gray. It's no different than if a bridesmaid purchased a white dress instead of blush because she liked the color better. He purchased the same color suit as my fiance, so he would match him instead of matching the other groomsmen.

He knows they aren't the same color. He knows he didn't follow instructions. He flat out told us he didn't want a charcoal gray suit. Now my fiance is upset because they won't look cohesive so he's decided to rent. The groomsman completely ignored instructions because he didn't like the color. It's fine that he doesn't a charcoal suit, now he doesn't have to get one. He'll just rent.

I think you are getting worked out over something that is really trival. Its not like GM bought a orange suit. He bought a different shade of the same color. I also think your Fi should make up his mind about what he wants to wear before communicating it to his GMs.

ETA: Do any of the GMs own tuxes? If so, can they wear the tux they already own or would they have to go rent the exact tux that your fi will be wearing?

LDay2014 · March 2014

SBmini said:

Jennycolada said:

If someone told me I needed to buy "charcoal" and I liked "light grey" better, I personally wouldn't see the difference, so I think you're kind of out of place to be snotty about it and take it as a sort of personal affront. Maybe you could try explaining to him that "light grey" =/= "charcoal" and that he can either exchange the suit for the "charcoal" or rent the correct color? But really, if I were him, I'd think that I followed directions. Grey is grey to me.

You are the one who is out of place here! If someone instructs you to buy something in one color for their wedding and you decide to buy a different color because you like it better- you are out of line! It isn't your wedding and it isn't your decision to make. The colors are completely different. One is a near black the other is a medium gray. It's no different than if a bridesmaid purchased a white dress instead of blush because she liked the color better. He purchased the same color suit as my fiance, so he would match him instead of matching the other groomsmen.

He knows they aren't the same color. He knows he didn't follow instructions. He flat out told us he didn't want a charcoal gray suit. Now my fiance is upset because they won't look cohesive so he's decided to rent. The groomsman completely ignored instructions because he didn't like the color. It's fine that he doesn't a charcoal suit, now he doesn't have to get one. He'll just rent.

Back down...you're sounding a bit like a bridezilla here!

You're seriously micromanaging here...why not just tell the guys to get grey suits? Their choice to buy or rent. Why do they have to match exactly? So your pictures can be pretty? Shades of grey I think would be very complimentary.

FYI, Blush and white are completely different colours. Charcoal is a shade of grey.

JennyColada · March 2014

Jesus christ. How petty do you really have to be to get this uppity about a grey suit?

I know that your wedding it quickly approaching (according to your ticker it's just over a month! Congrats!), but take a breath and calm down.

All I was trying to say was that just because to YOU "light grey" and "charcoal" are TOTAL opposites that not everyone sees it like that. It was probably just a miscommunication, not an attack on your wedding. I'm just saying that from a different perspective that just because you outline "charcoal" I hear "grey" and think that any grey will do. I don't think that this would make me (or him) "out of line", it's simply a miscommunication. If having the very specific grey was important then you should have outlined that specifically (and maybe you think that you did, but you obviously didn't). What do you mean that he "knows" they aren't the same color? If your Fi is wearing the color that this GM is wearing then that's probably why he thought it was ok.

Not everyone sees your wedding the same way and knows about your ideas of wedding planning. All they see is some custom where he has to wear a suit and some other guy is wearing this suit so I will too.

Just calm down and don't take it personally. You'll get through this. You're going to have a wedding whether someone wears the right grey or not, so at the end of the day it doesn't matter. If you want him to have something different to wear then buy him something different, but he did his best and it's not fair for you to be upset at him for that.

SBmini · March 2014

LDay2014 said:

SBmini said:

Jennycolada said:

If someone told me I needed to buy "charcoal" and I liked "light grey" better, I personally wouldn't see the difference, so I think you're kind of out of place to be snotty about it and take it as a sort of personal affront. Maybe you could try explaining to him that "light grey" =/= "charcoal" and that he can either exchange the suit for the "charcoal" or rent the correct color? But really, if I were him, I'd think that I followed directions. Grey is grey to me.

You are the one who is out of place here! If someone instructs you to buy something in one color for their wedding and you decide to buy a different color because you like it better- you are out of line! It isn't your wedding and it isn't your decision to make. The colors are completely different. One is a near black the other is a medium gray. It's no different than if a bridesmaid purchased a white dress instead of blush because she liked the color better. He purchased the same color suit as my fiance, so he would match him instead of matching the other groomsmen.

He knows they aren't the same color. He knows he didn't follow instructions. He flat out told us he didn't want a charcoal gray suit. Now my fiance is upset because they won't look cohesive so he's decided to rent. The groomsman completely ignored instructions because he didn't like the color. It's fine that he doesn't a charcoal suit, now he doesn't have to get one. He'll just rent.

Back down...you're sounding a bit like a bridezilla here!

You're seriously micromanaging here...why not just tell the guys to get grey suits? Their choice to buy or rent. Why do they have to match exactly? So your pictures can be pretty? Shades of grey I think would be very complimentary.

FYI, Blush and white are completely different colours. Charcoal is a shade of grey.

I'm not sure what is out of grasp here. The guys were supposed to be in dark gray, my fiance wanted to wear medium gray. His groomsman went out and purchased a suit in the color that my fiance is going to wear. So in that regard, it isn't any different from a bridesmaid buying white. He's the one who decided he didn't want the goomsmen not to match. He's the one who decided to rent. Since goomsmen attire is the groom's decision, I told him that was fine by me. Lesson to everyone thinking about having groomsmen buy suits- they may not get the right color.

Viczaesar · March 2014

What the hell is medium grey?

thelastdreamer · March 2014

You should have just had them rent this suit in the first place. Oh how much easier your life would be ...

https://theblacktux.com/collection/suits/charcoal-grey-suit

SBmini · March 2014

Viczaesar said:

What the hell is medium grey?

It's something around this compared to this

@thelastdreamer thanks so much for the link! We'll be looking into that.

Sugargirl1019 · March 2014

There's a post right now about a MOH being given an option for dress colors - but she ends up loving a dress in a completely different and wrong color for the wedding, and the bride wants to know if she can ask her to keep looking.

I think this is similar. Your groomsman was given a set of criteria, and he went out and purchased this without consulting. If it were bridesmaids, the girl would probably be told to return it for an appropriate color as designated by the bride. Everyone is saying the bride gets to choose her colors (therefore the groom gets to choose his).

Im with you on this. I understand the groom wanting to be in his own color, not sharing the color with an attendant.

Maybe he's willing to return the light grey suit, and maybe he"ll throw a fit and you'll have to pay for his rental if you want him in the wedding. Same with bridesmaids, I'm thinking.

Can I ask the guys to buy their suits?

Re: Can I ask the guys to buy their suits?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards