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Maggie0829 · March 2014

tiffanyleanne47 said:

I have been wracking my brain trying to decide on an MOH. I have 3 good friends and a sister. My one friend, used to be best friend, have not been as close lately but decided we would be each other's bridesmaids in our weddings. I thought about making her MOH since she's getting married before me and would have good advice, but she can be flaky and moving a little ways away after the wedding. My other closest friend, I would love for her to be MOH, but I'm not even sure she can be a bridesmaid because her job has taken her to different states in the past year and I don't know where she'll be at next year when I get married. My other friend, we've been good friends for years, but we have more of a going out and partying type of relationship. So she's not someone I lean on for emotional support, which I would need to have from an MOH. And then there's my sister, which seems like the logical choice, but no. She means we'll but is always extremely moody, has no car, barely any money, a kid and another one on the way. I don't see her as a reliable person to plan things. I always end up having to help her somehow. So basically the only person left that I trust is my mom. She's very reliable and i can trust her for all of the plannings. But I'm not even sure if it's proper etiquette to do that. I have no idea what to do! Please help!!! Thank you

Okay, none of the bolded really matter when choosing a MOH (actually pretty much all of your post has no significance in who you choose as a MOH). A MOH should be your nearest and dearest. Not the person who is the least flakey, has money, doesn't have kids to worry about, or that can help plan things. Your MOH and BMs are not employees, they are your friends that you wish to honor by asking them to be in your bridal party.

Wedding party members have no responsibility other then to buy the necessary attire and show up on your wedding day ready to smile for the camera.

And emotional support? Really? You are getting married. This should be a happy time. The only time you will need emotional support is if someone dies or you lost your job or your FI gets extremely sick, etc. But wedding planning? Not so much. If wedding planning makes you need emotional support then you are doing it wrong.

I think you need to take a step back and reevaluate what the positions of a BM and a MOH are.

AddieCake · March 2014

Which one would you call at 3 a.m. to help you hide a body?

tiffanyleanne47 · March 2014

Maggie, I'm not sure why some of those words are in bold and maybe you don't quite understand what I meant. I'm not tying to find employees. What I'm saying is I don't have someone who is really nearest and dearest to me that I can really trust and depend on. Some people may think the MOH doesn't have any duties but to show up, however, I would like someone to plan things with me. And I definitely think emotional support is needed. Wedding planning can be stressful, not as stressful as someone dying or losing a job as you mentioned, but from time to time one does need someone to talk to about worries and decision making, maybe that's just me. I appreciate your difference in opinons, but I was looking for some good advice from other brides, not a criticism of my every sentence. I hope that doesn't sound rude, just my thoughts on your comment.

KeptInStitches · March 2014

Maggie is wise. Also, don't forget you have a FI to help you plan as well - isn't it your FI's wedding, too?

OliveOilsMom · March 2014

tiffanyleanne47 said:

Maggie, I'm not sure why some of those words are in bold and maybe you don't quite understand what I meant. I'm not tying to find employees. What I'm saying is I don't have someone who is really nearest and dearest to me that I can really trust and depend on. Some people may think the MOH doesn't have any duties but to show up, however, I would like someone to plan things with me. And I definitely think emotional support is needed. Wedding planning can be stressful, not as stressful as someone dying or losing a job as you mentioned, but from time to time one does need someone to talk to about worries and decision making, maybe that's just me. I appreciate your difference in opinons, but I was looking for some good advice from other brides, not a criticism of my every sentence. I hope that doesn't sound rude, just my thoughts on your comment.

If you need support while you are planning your wedding the person you should be relying on is also the person you are marrying. Your FI is allowed to help, it's not just the bride's job to plan the wedding start to finish.

And if you go into your wedding not expecting anything from your BMs, then they can't let you down. If you don't have anyone who is super close to you, then just have them all be BMs.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

tiffanyleanne47 said:

Maggie, I'm not sure why some of those words are in bold and maybe you don't quite understand what I meant. I'm not tying to find employees. What I'm saying is I don't have someone who is really nearest and dearest to me that I can really trust and depend on. Some people may think the MOH doesn't have any duties but to show up, however, I would like someone to plan things with me. And I definitely think emotional support is needed. Wedding planning can be stressful, not as stressful as someone dying or losing a job as you mentioned, but from time to time one does need someone to talk to about worries and decision making, maybe that's just me. I appreciate your difference in opinons, but I was looking for some good advice from other brides, not a criticism of my every sentence. I hope that doesn't sound rude, just my thoughts on your comment.

Then hire a wedding planner or plan your wedding with your FI, since it is his wedding also.

And I explained why those words were bolded.

And if you need emotional support because you are stressed and you want to talk to someone, again, why can't you talk to your FI? Why is he not involved at all?

And I gave you advice, just not the advice you wanted.

chibiyui · March 2014

Oh. A DD. What a surprise.

chibiyui · March 2014

Cookie Pusher · March 2014

OP, you were quoted. Deleting becomes pointless since we all know what you said!

jneen101 · March 2014

tiffanyleanne47 said:

I would like someone to plan things with me.

Do you have a fiance?

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