Is this polite? (plus ones)

Re: Is this polite? (plus ones)

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  HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  Sars06 said:

  Good morning! My fiance and I got a question about plus ones yesterday, and I wanted to make sure we are handling it appropriately.

  
  

  My fiance's friend asked us if he could bring a date to our August wedding. He's not currently dating anyone, so we aren't talking about a SO (at least, at this moment).
  

  
  

  My fiance and I would like to give single guests a "plus one" if possible, because most people are traveling at least a couple hours to our wedding. However, we will run into a space issue if we have 100% attendance AND we give all of our truly single guests a date. We do not expect 100% attendance, as our guest list includes, for example, ailing elderly relatives who are not able to fly. With the people who are likely to decline, we anticipate that we should have no problem giving our single friends a plus one.

  
  

  Is it ok to tell this friend (and any others who ask) that we will invite anyone he is dating at the time that we send our invitations, but that we will need to wait until we get our RSVPs before letting him know if he can bring another guest? If so, is there a way to say this that doesn't sound like we are penalizing him for being single? 

  
  

  (Note: The "space issue" is just a dance floor issue. If we get 100% attendance AND all our guests are dating someone, we will still be able to host everyone by eliminating dancing)

  It is always rude of people to ask if they can bring guests -- true plus-ones, not SOs.
  
  Also, if you haven't sent out invites yet, he's really jumping the gun on things.
  
  For right now, I'd have your FI tell his friend, 'I'm sorry, but we weren't able to invite everyone we would have liked and that includes extending plus-ones to our guests.'
  
  When it gets closer to the wedding, if he's seeing someone, of course she'll be invited. But if he's still truly single, it's your discretion to extend him a plus-one.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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  Sars06 member

  

  March 2014

  Thanks. Yes, he's definitely jumping the gun. My fiance sent an email to his friends with info about the hotel block and transportation options, but no - we haven't sent invitations yet. Because our wedding isn't until August.

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  HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  I imagine he's asking because he'll want to make travel plans, but it's still rude.
  
  A lot can happen between now and then, so he just needs to slow his roll.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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  SP29 member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  Since the friend ASKED (and he is jumping the gun since the invites aren't out, and he shouldn't be inviting his own guest), I think it would be fine to say something along the lines of, "As we still have a ways to go before the wedding we have not finalized our guest list yet", thus you can get back to him at a later date (like when your invites actually go out...). 

  
  

  I believe this has been talked about before, and it was generally agreed that if you have a bunch of declines it would not be considered B-listing to allow some guests the opportunity to invite a plus one closer to the wedding, because it is more of a consideration to your guest, versus inviting someone whom you had originally thought about for your own guest list. 

  
  

  
  

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  s-aries8990 member

  

  March 2014

  I agree with HGF - Tell him that you weren't able to include everyone you like because of space issues, including adding plus-ones for single guests. I'd also tell him that he's welcome to bring a guest after declines come in BECAUSE you got a decline - "Hi GM, I just want to let you know that some of my family members declined, so if you still would like to bring a guest, we now have the space to accommodate them."
  

   

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