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Being engaged at the same time as FSIL

andrea4255andrea4255 member
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
So my FSIL got engaged on NYE, and though I'm not yet engaged, I will be soon, according to my boyfriend "by summertime" and it will overlap my FSIL's engagement. I was just wondering about the etiquette with two engagements in the family going on at the same time, and how I can make sure that it doesn't feel like we're stealing the attention away from her and her engagement and her wedding. We get along super well and talk wedding all the time, but I just want to make sure that I don't step on her toes I'm also concerned about having similar wedding tastes and ideas, how can we make sure that our weddings are both exactly what we want, without having them be too similar.
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Re: Being engaged at the same time as FSIL

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    You each get ONE DAY.  Not a month.  Not a year.  There should be no conflict.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I am curious about others two cents in handling this as I am actually in this situation right now. My FSIL got engaged last summer, and this February I got engaged. She has been talking about/stating planning a Summer 2015, specifically a June 2015 wedding and I've always been a fall person so am working on planning a Fall 2015 wedding, specifically Nov. It's been a little of back and forth, nothing bad. We've done one expo together, which went well, shared some ideas. Seems that we are so far planning different weddings. She likes tall centerpieces, we want different colors, she's  having a large wedding, mine will be on the smaller side and more romantic/rustic etc, she wants a cupcake tower, I'm having a cake (fake cake with one real tier and sheet cake to save the budget), she'll have a candy bar, I'll have books candles etc...... that kind of thing. So seems like will go ok. Sometimes I do wonder, like when we went to the expo, it was a place that was interested in holding my wedding. I liked the place, got information and talked about it with my mom and then she kept saying "this is where my mom wanted us to get married" "this is where my mom wanted us to look", but when we did a tour of the buildings they have for people to stay in she would comment "I thought it'd be more updated", "thought it'd be more modern and decorated with the times"; the place advertises itself as being rustic, back in time, quiet, family run place which is why loved it but kind of got a little sad/hurtful/not sure how to describe it feeling when heard that. So I think it's a balancing act. If the weddings are at different times and have different visions I think it makes it easier. I think it gets a little touchier if similar things come up. I have kind of taken the approach when it's been both of us talking about wedding stuff to be excited and honest and share the excitement, but I do think she likes it a little more or wants/ w.e the attention a little more so let her bask in it some more and have more of the spotlight. Think the important thing is to remember what the weddings are about, focus on the important things and just plan on enjoying the time and the process and let the weddings be what they are going to be. Right now neither of us have venues reserved, and mostly it's ideas, and the things we are gathering so far are different, so guess time will only tell.I do wish you luck and hopefully it is a smooth process. 
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    andrea4255andrea4255 member
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    So glad to hear somebody else is having the same concern I am! So far we've have very civil and exciting talks about our weddings, and though we share some similar ideas, I think we'll be able to add our out flair to stuff. We're just so similar and have the same tastes that it might be difficult once we both start to get down to the final decisions and details. But I'm sure we'll both be able to compromise and have our very special days :)

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I think once break it down and really start to think of things and how you and your FI are, there will definitely be ways to make sure the events are different no matter how similar you may seem because you and your FI are different from her and her FI. Plus, can always look into how each are approaching the day, and find somthing you and your FI have in common that want to highlight and I'm sure it willbe different from them so will help you have your own twist. There may be times that I'm sure some feelings or thoughts may come up, but it's all in how you handle it. We're human - as much as I'd like to say there will NEVER be times cause we're different and want different weddings and they're at the same time, I'm sure little moments will creep up - had one today ( as ridiculous as sounds) but got a picture of her idea of how she wants the groomsmen to dress, and it was with them in vests and pants with ties - which is how we've decided our attire will be for our groomsmen for the wedding except FI has opted for the jacket too for the ceremony - and the little thing inside me wanted to have a moment, but, just take a breath and let it be - there's still lots of time for both of ours and it will be what it will be. All you can do is just be supportive, loving, excited for her and focus on the important part of your day and just dont have any reactive or moments with her if something does come up and just focus on your day being about your marriage and the commitment you're making. Good luck! Glad wasn't the only one having any of these - was starting to think was horrible if had any of those feelings :/
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I really don't see where there would be any conflict, assuming you're not planning your weddings for the same day. 

    I got engaged 9/4/13. My cousin got engaged two weeks later. My brother then proposed to his girlfriend on NYE. No one stole my thunder. I'm the MOH in my FSIL's wedding. I assume there will be similarities at our weddings, because we like similar things. I don't see why that would be a problem. And most people don't pay attention to what you might consider "similar details'. I can barely recall the decor at the last 5 weddings I've attended. What I do remember is if it was properly hosted and if I had fun. 

    My cousin's wedding is two weeks before mine. I told her I only cared that she was back from her HM by my wedding because I couldn't imagine her not being there for it. 
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    I think you are putting the cart before the horse since you arent engaged yet.

    You each get one day. Run the date past your VIPs and then plan the day you/ fi can afford. Simple.

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