wow

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

So I went over to the etiquette board to find a couple of the local Vegas knotties saying not so great things about the things we post here and on top of that a couple of the local knotties saying not so great things about me. With that being said I'm going to keep my account but stay away from posting or commenting the vibe here is so much different then it was when I first joined. I'll be posting my reviews in May

missmo14 · March 2014

Lol @tcnoble tell us how you really feel! @wrigleyville has always had a blunt way of expressing herself all over TK. At least she is consistent with her approach. I find the nasty/bitchy posts/comments kinda amusing actually... some people really have nothing better to do other than trolling on public internet forums.

Granted some posters dont help themselves or make themselves easy targets but... just wow. I actually think the majority of Vegas brides are planning beautiful weddings and going above and beyond in hosting their OOT guests.

ktbabe530 · March 2014

I agree Valerie, the board has changed since I joined too. I love seeing reviews and pictures from Vegas weddings and talking about all things Vegas. No need for all the drama!

Can't wait to see your reviews! I know your wedding will be fabulous!

Marlaina2014 · March 2014

@valeriecruz82 there are a lot of us who find your posts helpful and just fine! Don't worry about what the trolls think and just remember the core group of us have your back! I can't wait to read your reviews!

tcnoble · March 2014

@missmo14 I didn't target ANY specific brides. And I'll say it here same as I said it there - honeyfunds and not properly hosting your guests is not okay. There. I'm not "trolling" public forums - I post very regularly on the other TK boards. NO hard feelings towards anybody - this is a public forum - people come here seeking advice, they get it whether it happens to rub them the right way or not. That's all.

alicialfisher · March 2014

What is a honeyfund?

tcnoble · March 2014

@alicialfisher you set up a registry for guests to "buy" experiences for your honeymoon. Except that the sites charge a fee and you are just given cash, not the actual experience. It's deceitful to your guests and tacky in all aspects.

ETA some honeyfunds also simply just ask for cash to fund your honeymoon. Again, very tacky.

ktbabe530 · March 2014

I don't recall seeing posts on the Vegas board about honeyfunds, what am I missing?

tcnoble · March 2014

@ktbabe530 it was mentioned on another post (not-so-recently) and someone here was addressing a post I made on the etiquette board where I shared my blatant dislike for honeyfunds.

ssteele04 · March 2014

@Valerie~ i know we got off on the wrong foot, but i have found many of your posts to be helpful, so here is me saying that you shouldn't leave.

**raises hand** we have a honeyfund! So i guess we will fall under the tacky wedding category.

We live together, have for years, i don't need a million towels, coffee makers, or gift cards for my house. I went to a wedding a few years back and the honeyfund was there, great idea, and so far this has been the only negative thing I have seen about the honeyfund our guests have said this is a awesome idea bc they hate buying wedding gifts, but you are entitled to your opinion about it:)

AllyIdo · March 2014

I really don't know how I feel about them. I'd never want to ask my guests for cash, but I guess I never really saw it that way. I never saw it as being deceitful because I assumed (you know what they say) that everyone realized you weren't ACTUALLY buying the massage, or hotel room. I mean how would that even be managed?

We aren't registering at all, and I've had people mention them to me as an alternative. So I don't think it's a consensus that they are tacky. Requesting "no boxed gifts" is definitely tacky!

a13049 · March 2014

From an ettiquette standpoint, honeyfunds are the same as asking for cash. Since it is considered against proper ettiquette to ask for cash, then this falls in the same category. Some guests are unaware of how honeyfunds works, so when they find out they didn't really buy you that dinner or couples massage but instead got a check for a portion of the gift, they can feel cheated or mislead. We didn't register because we aren't having any pre wedding parties, and logistically gifts would be difficult on our return flight. We haven't/wont put anything on our invitations. If somene decided to give us a gift or money as a present, then we will thank them appropriately and handle the situation as it comes. I honestly hope we don't get gifts, my guests are spending alot of money to attend our wedding.

alicialfisher · March 2014

We have a honeyfund and our guests LOVE it. We aren't materialistic, so getting stuff doesn't work for us and all of our closest family and friends had already said it'd just be too weird if we did register. We are all about experiences and I wouldn't have it any other way. So it's funny - some people would think me having that is tacky, but I think those people are just superficially caught up in an industry that thrives on people sticking to the "norm" and conforming to standards that don't actually exist. So you say tacky, I say naive.

I guess what I don't get here with all this stuff is that it's one thing to suggest that something isn't proper etiquette, but it's another to tell someone flat out it's wrong, rude, etc. Weddings are not a one size fits all solution. We can offer advice on what we THINK is right, but the truth is, NONE of us, not a one single lady here, has the right answer. So I just think it's pure shit to tell someone what they are doing is wrong. It may be wrong for me, but telling them that is only going to make me feel better/more convicted in my own choices. Personally, I'm confident enough with myself not to need that. Unfortunately, I'm learning that a lot of people on these boards aren't that way. I can only assume it's because they are uncomfortable with making decisions or they've already had their wedding and feel as if "they know it all" since they did it... or probably they had their wedding already and need something to fill the void that getting caught up in all the planning left them after the event was over (this happens, it's likened to post-partum depression, a stretch I realize, but it happens...I think we are seeing the results of it).

All in all, advice is great, but making a judgment about someone based on their wedding choices is not.

So, with that I'm going to keep my honeyfund-loving self away from this shitstorm of crap that is anything but helpful.

tcnoble · March 2014

@alicialfisher nobody on here ever makes judgement about a PERSON. If you come on here and share your IDEAS, yes someone may say that your ideas are bad but never that you are a BAD person.

A lot of people have issues with honeyfunds because they take a percentage of the money a guest gives you, and most guests aren't aware of that.

I definitely think most things wedding related come around to an agree-to-disagree stand off. Personally, I don't care if you (the general you) do a honeyfund or have a cash bar or whatever. That's fine, it's your wedding, your choices. Many people have "issues" with these boards because they come seeking validation for ideas which are, generally, poor.. and then get up in arms because they didn't get the responses they wanted. People often forget this is a PUBLIC forum - nobody here knows anyone personally - so yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion (which generally is that - an opinion). It's ideal if everyone can agree to disagree and not hit below the belt - which I haven't seen anyone do on the Vegas board yet. So thumbs up for that.

alicialfisher · March 2014

But who determines if their ideas are "generally poor" - that is my entire point, right there in a nutshell. You? Me? Some other random bride? Unless someone is asking "is this a bad idea?" I can't imagine why that feedback is given.

There are tactful ways to say it and saying something is "very tacky" (as you referenced above) is absolutely a judgment on that person and their choices. How is it not?

I would argue that the entire thread that stemmed this one was 100% below the belt. A bride asking for restaurant recommendations gets berated (so much so that people actually followed her and used terms like "WTF" "That's so rude" "Change your budget so you can at least feed your guests" etc, which is not offering up advice or an opinion whatsoever) because people think her charging her guests (which was totally a side-point from her actual question) was her making the wrong choice. That was absolutely ridiculous. Offer up a restaurant recommendation or don't say anything at all. If she would have asked "Hey, is it rude to not pay to feed my guests?" I absolutely think the responses would be applicable.

It was the worst example of bride behavior I've ever seen on this board.

Anyways, any rebuttal on this stuff keeps confirming what I have issue with, so now I know who and what to stay away from.

AllyIdo · March 2014

I think the thread on the E board ABOUT posting on the Las Vegas board was full of personal attacks and likely against the TOS (if anyone even monitors that anymore).

I get that this is a public forum, and opinions shouldn't have to be sugar coated, but they don't have to be so blunt either. Most of us on the Vegas board have no qualms about calling someone out on bad etiquette, we just do it in a softer way. After all, we are all so thankful for the amazing reviews, advice, suggestions we get here for our weddings. We like to keep it positive.

a13049 · March 2014

tcnoble said:

@alicialfisher nobody on here ever makes judgement about a PERSON. If you come on here and share your IDEAS, yes someone may say that your ideas are bad but never that you are a BAD person.

A lot of people have issues with honeyfunds because they take a percentage of the money a guest gives you, and most guests aren't aware of that.

I definitely think most things wedding related come around to an agree-to-disagree stand off. Personally, I don't care if you (the general you) do a honeyfund or have a cash bar or whatever. That's fine, it's your wedding, your choices. Many people have "issues" with these boards because they come seeking validation for ideas which are, generally, poor.. and then get up in arms because they didn't get the responses they wanted. People often forget this is a PUBLIC forum - nobody here knows anyone personally - so yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion (which generally is that - an opinion). It's ideal if everyone can agree to disagree and not hit below the belt - which I haven't seen anyone do on the Vegas board yet. So thumbs up for that.

Yes I agree with this. Ettiquette is a "social norm" so there will be grey areas and disagreements, its not law. Like @tcnoble said, we just have to agree to disagree sometimes. We all have to choice to embrace social norms as we see fit, but understand that others may not always agree and you take a risk in offending your guests when you go against these social norms. It doesn't always have to be a bad thing, when someone mentions an idea goes against ettiquette, sometimes people have no idea that it is considered rude/gift grabby/tacky because thats the norm in their life/social circle. (For my family dollar dances, I had no idea some people were so off put by them.) Sometimes people don't understand why something can be considered against ettiquette because we don't all just to the negative conclusios. (again, dollar dances, I would have never made the connection before, but once I read it I understood why some may see it as rude) Ettiquette is about acting politely in our social groups, so that may look different in different social groups, over time their have been some general guidelines that are mostly accepted.

blackstring · March 2014

Erg. The words etiquette and tacky should just be barred from wedding discussions in this day and age. They are antiquated and irrelevant. Culture is constantly evolving and everyone has different tastes, ideas and frames of reference. As long as the bride and groom are doing their best to give their guests a good time, the only opinion that should matter is theirs. If we all listened to every FMIL, crotchety aging Aunt or random judgy internet lady we would make ourselves insane.

ssteele04 · March 2014

couldn't agree more @blackstring and @aliciafisher

luckily we won't be having people sitting in the corner gossiping or talking shit at our wedding/reception b/c it doesn't match up with "Etiquette" we don't have people like that in our Social Circle. Hell it's Vegas, they are there to have fun, get away with their Husband/Wife, not give a shit if this or that is the right way. **GASP** We were going to have Kegs, backyard on our property wedding in the beginning when we first started talking about where we were getting married at...Jesus lighten up a bit. Everyone does it different. I put things on my Honeyfund that I knew we would do, the things that have been bought for us already we will do in Vegas.

wrigleyville · March 2014

missmo14 said:

Lol @tcnoble tell us how you really feel! @wrigleyville has always had a blunt way of expressing herself all over TK. At least she is consistent with her approach. I find the nasty/bitchy posts/comments kinda amusing actually... some people really have nothing better to do other than trolling on public internet forums. Granted some posters dont help themselves or make themselves easy targets but... just wow. I actually think the majority of Vegas brides are planning beautiful weddings and going above and beyond in hosting their OOT guests.

Don't say "her", like I'm not even here, especially since you tagged me. Speaking of trolling...

Also, I'm on TK about four times per week, for maybe ten minutes per day. I have a job and a life, thanks.

MobKaz · March 2014

@blackstring said........"Erg. The words etiquette and tacky should just be barred from wedding discussions in this day and age. They are antiquated and irrelevant. Culture is constantly evolving and everyone has different tastes, ideas and frames of reference. As long as the bride and groom are doing their best to give their guests a good time, the only opinion that should matter is theirs. If we all listened to every FMIL, crotchety aging Aunt or random judgy internet lady we would make ourselves insane."

@ssteele04 said......."couldn't agree more @blackstring and @aliciafisher

luckily we won't be having people sitting in the corner gossiping or talking shit at our wedding/reception b/c it doesn't match up with "Etiquette" we don't have people like that in our Social Circle. Hell it's Vegas, they are there to have fun, get away with their Husband/Wife, not give a shit if this or that is the right way. **GASP** We were going to have Kegs, backyard on our property wedding in the beginning when we first started talking about where we were getting married at...Jesus lighten up a bit. Everyone does it different. I put things on my Honeyfund that I knew we would do, the things that have been bought for us already we will do in Vegas."

Etiquette is simply putting the comfort and needs of your guests before yourself as the host. And it is sad that people suggest that it is or should become irrelevant. If you invite someone as your guest, why would you want to reflect yourself in an ill mannered and inconsiderate way? The more this attitude prevails, the more self absorbed, entitled, and egocentric brides will be bred.

And, @ssteele, from our conversations, your wedding absolutely matches with etiquette. You are properly hosting your guests in the best way you can that matches with your budget. From what I recall, none of your guests are being required to open their wallets for anything. You have invited them to your ceremony and you are hosting a meal and beverages. That is polite and proper.

jaytee919 · March 2014

Oh I just got the old. .."Oh she came from the las vegas board" comment. I'll say it here like I've said it elsewhere. . It's clear some of them have too much time on their hands.

MobKaz · March 2014

jaytee919 said:

Oh I just got the old. .."Oh she came from the las vegas board" comment. I'll say it here like I've said it elsewhere. . It's clear some of them have too much time on their hands.

@jaylee919 said, " Your point. This has become laughable."

The best way to call a kettle black is to use their own words.

blackstring · March 2014

mobkaz said:
Etiquette is simply putting the comfort and needs of your guests before yourself as the host. And it is sad that people suggest that it is or should become irrelevant.

This is not what etiquette is, and my post explicitly stated the importance of giving your guests a good time.

et·i·quette

1.conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as

established in any class or community or for any occasion.

It's incredibly simple: replace "is this good etiquette?" with "is this rude?". A good rule for wedding planning, and a good rule for life in general.

a13049 · March 2014

blackstring said:

mobkaz said:

Etiquette is simply putting the comfort and needs of your guests before yourself as the host. And it is sad that people suggest that it is or should become irrelevant.

This is not what etiquette is, and my post explicitly stated the importance of giving your guests a good time.

et·i·quette

1.conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as

established in any class or community or for any occasion.

It's incredibly simple: replace "is this good etiquette?" with "is this rude?". A good rule for wedding planning, and a good rule for life in general.

From your same definition,

synonyms:

manners, accepted behavior, rules of conduct

It is a good idea to replace "is this good etiquette" with is this rude. Because they are asking the same thing. There is reasoning behind etiquette rules, they aren't abitrarily made up. Now whether or not your specific guests will be put off by a choice you made that is outside standard etiquette, we have no idea, we don't know them. But as it is mentioned frequently on the ettiquette board, sometimes you don't either. For every bride that says "my guests don't mind" there are lots of guests who posts their wedding guest stories of how they were improperly hosted, and most of them unwilling to say something to their host because they would in turn be rude. It is possible that you could do something against standard code of etiquette and your guests not be insulted, but you may not ever know and some feel its not worth risking. I havebeen to lots of weddings, where people have done "rude" things, I personally didn't judge them but at times I was put outside of my confort zone or sat bored wishing I was somewhere else because of choices the bride and groom made. I just don't want my guest to feel like that, I may not be able to completly avoid it, but I am taking all steps I can to try and host them properly and hope they have a wonderful time.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

Valerie, please stay. People on the internet suck sometimes, but more often than not they're awesome. And if all the awesome people left, only the sucky people will remain and then what would all the clueless Vegas brides do? They'd get their figurative faces smashed in by the etiquette patrols.

I think the E boards lose sight of social etiquette in the interest of wedding etiquette, especially in this case where they have followed some poor woman over here. I'm sure she's been told 1,000 ways how she is a horrible human being just because she wants to do something "tacky".

You know what's worse than "tacky"? Famine. Rape. War. But the E board apparently thinks that a non-hosted dinner is the beginning of WWIII by the way they rant and rave.

Instead, let's not go down that lane. I think we do an excellent job over here already pointing out that certain ideas may not go over well with wedding guests. But in the end, it's their faux pas and it's not the freaking end of the world!

I think we've seen the ugly side of the Knot this week. But let's get back to being excellent to each other....

Marlaina2014 · March 2014

I like the idea of being excellent to each other too!

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

I'm staying, but I'll be keeping far away from anymore rudeness or drama that goes on. Sometimes it's hard for me to bite my tongue but it never does any good to get involved especially with complete strangers. I love tk and MOST of the ladies here. The others that I am not so fond of I will just stay away. I wish everyone had that same mentality of being awesome to each other!

alicialfisher · March 2014

Valeriecruz82 said:

I'm staying, but I'll be keeping far away from anymore rudeness or drama that goes on. Sometimes it's hard for me to bite my tongue but it never does any good to get involved especially with complete strangers. I love tk and MOST of the ladies here. The others that I am not so fond of I will just stay away. I wish everyone had that same mentality of being awesome to each other!

I'm with ya... I don't like to stick my nose into things that don't have anything to deal with me or get too caught up on what strangers have to say, BUT I also have zero tolerance for brideshaming (particularly if it's from someone who's already been married and should be empathetic towards a bride-to-be's situation) from anyone - family, friend or stranger.

That's why this board is so great..

LaurenGarciaKrueger · April 2014

I personally don't read the Etiquette Board because it seems everyone on there thinks ideas are rude, stupid, too cheap, or lame. I'm not going to be on any TV shows, like 4 weddings, so I don't really care what everyone on the E board thinks. I do, however, feel compelled to read the board now. Lol... I think the purpose of the board is for us that have never planned a wedding before, know what we should or shouldn't do. There are some things that the bride and groom should try to avoid- like having everyone pay for their own dinner, or cook their own food for example. Actually, I now feel compelled to make up a new profile, plan the tackiest wedding ever, and post those plans on the etiquette board just to see the reaction! LMBO! Like throwing a steak to a pack of lions.

missmo14 · April 2014

Oh no Lauren... dont troll the eti-board. I couldnt bear to watch the carnage. But if you do make sure you are having a PPD with an 8 hr unhosted gap, cash bar... actually sell tickets to your reception and invite only 1 member of each couple with a strict 'no ring no bring policy'.

THEN at this fictional wedding make sure you are planning to arrive 90 minutes late to the ceremony (cos u put a fake time on the invites which were covered with your registry info) and that it will be standing room only... in the middle of july.... out at red rock!

wow

Re: wow

Choose Another Board

Search Boards