Military Brides

About to book the church and then family conflict happens...help?

So we are about to set a date (November 22nd) and literally put money down on our church tomorrow when my fiance's sister calls and tell us that she is pregnant (very early). She said that if she is, her due date would between middle of October to middle of November. My fiance has 3 sisters but he is definitely closest with this sister. And she asked us to move our date so she could be there. But here are the issues: my fiance has 2 different (possible) trainings in the fall- one lasting all of Sept and Oct which he will be out of town and will not get leave, and the other starts in December to March which he could get leave in the beginning of it but that's my birthday and we don't want to have the wedding on my birthday. Also, their other sister is getting married in August. And getting married earlier will put a huge financial burden on his family with traveling to 2 out of state weddings and helping pay for each, not including schedules and time off. 

So we don't really have any other time to have the wedding. We can't wait until next year because he probably won't get leave after December and then he will deploy. And neither us want the "small, intimate" wedding where we only have 25 guests, we want a real wedding.   He is completely torn because he really wants his sister there but we don't really have flexibility in our date. So what do we do? Or how do I approach this with him?

Re: About to book the church and then family conflict happens...help?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Either you get married on your birthday, which is not the worst thing that can happen, or you accept that your FSIL won't be attending.

    But if you choose not to move your date, your FI has to tell his sister that although you and he hope she can attend, it is not possible for you to move your date.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    So we are about to set a date (November 22nd) and literally put money down on our church tomorrow when my fiance's sister calls and tell us that she is pregnant (very early). She said that if she is, her due date would between middle of October to middle of November. My fiance has 3 sisters but he is definitely closest with this sister. And she asked us to move our date so she could be there. But here are the issues: my fiance has 2 different (possible) trainings in the fall- one lasting all of Sept and Oct which he will be out of town and will not get leave, and the other starts in December to March which he could get leave in the beginning of it but that's my birthday and we don't want to have the wedding on my birthday. Also, their other sister is getting married in August. And getting married earlier will put a huge financial burden on his family with traveling to 2 out of state weddings and helping pay for each, not including schedules and time off. 

    So we don't really have any other time to have the wedding. We can't wait until next year because he probably won't get leave after December and then he will deploy. And neither us want the "small, intimate" wedding where we only have 25 guests, we want a real wedding.   He is completely torn because he really wants his sister there but we don't really have flexibility in our date. So what do we do? Or how do I approach this with him?
    First, a small, intimate wedding with few guests is a real wedding.

    Second, I agree with Jen, either get married on your birthday (not a huge deal at all and neither of you will forget your anniversary) or go with the date that you have already decided on and then tell FSIL that there was no way to change the date and that you hope she can still make it.

    iluvmytxrgr
  • My sister is missing my wedding because she is due the month before my wedding and lives on the other side of the country. I explained that we don't have flexibility in our date because of my fiance's schedule and when he is able to take leave. She is totally understanding and, while she will be missed and we're both bummed she can't make it, I am not changing my date. Any reasonable person will understand that the military decides your schedule more than you do and that you don't have the ability to just change things when you've planned it out. Hopefully she will be reasonable and understanding.
    Chojlink25
  • First of all - it's a bummer that you're in this situation :( 

    We had something similar pop up. I had always had my heart set on getting married in October, but just before we set a date we found out my FBIL is getting deployed just a couple months earlier than that. I love my FBIL and really want him there, but we also had to juggle our own schedules (including FI's own deployment). In the end, we set our date for October and told FBIL we're bummed he can't make it. Some family members weren't thrilled with our decision but it is what it is. (And FBIL totally understood)

    Whatever you decide, just be totally honest with your family. 
  • Thank you everyone for your help.  We ended up keeping our date in November. We told his sister and while she wasn't happy and made it very clear to everyone, we stuck with it. In the end, his sister calmed down due to not only my FI, but my future in laws and her own husband telling her to get over it and that is our wedding and not hers to decide on. We are all still on great terms and I think I have figured out a way to keep her "in the moment" by setting up a photo stream so she can get real time photos :)
    pensgirl10
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