Wedding Ettiquette- who to invite?

MsFelzOrtiz · April 2014

I have my guest list almost finalized. I am trying hard to limit my guests to 150. I have a strict budget because my fiance and I are paying everything ourselves. I know exactly what family members and friends to invite. There are a quite a few co-workers I would like to invite (some of whom are married). Is it rude for me to invite just my coworkers and not include their significant others?

Maggie0829 · April 2014

MsFelzOrtiz said:

I have my guest list almost finalized. I am trying hard to limit my guests to 150. I have a strict budget because my fiance and I are paying everything ourselves. I know exactly what family members and friends to invite. There are a quite a few co-workers I would like to invite (some of whom are married). Is it rude for me to invite just my coworkers and not include their significant others?

Yes. If a person has a SO then the SO needs to be invited. If you cannot include the SOs then don't invite your co-workers.

hanjoy · April 2014

Yes it is rude. Think about how you'd feel being invited to a wedding where your FI was not welcome.

JCbride2015 · April 2014

Yep, it's rude. Anyone who is invited, if they have a significant other, must be invited with the SO. If you don't have room/budget for both, don't invite them at all. It's never rude to just not invite someone because of limits, but it is definitely rude to invite someone without their SO.

Also keep in mind, the people in the relationship are the ones who determine whether they are each other's SO. If your coworker considers him/herself in a relationship, the SO gets invited.

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

MsFelzOrtiz said:

I have my guest list almost finalized. I am trying hard to limit my guests to 150. I have a strict budget because my fiance and I are paying everything ourselves. I know exactly what family members and friends to invite. There are a quite a few co-workers I would like to invite (some of whom are married). Is it rude for me to invite just my coworkers and not include their significant others?

1. You can't invite a person without their SO. It doesn't matter if they're married or have only been together a week. If they consider themselves to be in a relationship then they're a package deal.

2. Almost everyone has a budget regardless of who's paying. S an adult you should be paying for your wedding anyway, unless someone decides to offer help. This is one of the tougher parts of wedding planning.

3. If you can only afford to host 150 properly than I would invite a little less than that. To avoid sucky situations give every truly single guest a plus one when you create your guest list. That way if they enter a relationship when invites go out their new so is already accounted for. And if they're not then that saves you some money.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

missax said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

MsFelzOrtiz said:

I have my guest list almost finalized. I am trying hard to limit my guests to 150. I have a strict budget because my fiance and I are paying everything ourselves. I know exactly what family members and friends to invite. There are a quite a few co-workers I would like to invite (some of whom are married). Is it rude for me to invite just my coworkers and not include their significant others?

1. You can't invite a person without their SO. It doesn't matter if they're married or have only been together a week. If they consider themselves to be in a relationship then they're a package deal.

2. Almost everyone has a budget regardless of who's paying. S an adult you should be paying for your wedding anyway, unless someone decides to offer help. This is one of the tougher parts of wedding planning.

3. If you can only afford to host 150 properly than I would invite a little less than that. To avoid sucky situations give every truly single guest a plus one when you create your guest list. That way if they enter a relationship when invites go out their new so is already accounted for. And if they're not then that saves you some money.

1. If they've only been together a week on the day of the wedding then I am going to assume that invites went out well before the relationship started and while it would be a nice gesture to extend an invite, it is not required.

2. uuuhhh ok?

3. You absolutely do not need to give every truly single guest a plus one.

I think she meant that you should add plus one's with your truly single guests as a place holder on your guest list. This way you can budget accordingly just in case these single guests get into a relationship before invitations go out that way you aren't surprised by additional guests down the road. But if they aren't in a relationship by the time invites go out then you can delete the 'plus one' from the guest list.

ashleyep · April 2014

hanjoy said:

Yes it is rude. Think about how you'd feel being invited to a wedding where your FI was not welcome.

I know this isn't entirely relevant, and I would never invite my coworkers without their SOs, but there are two groups of friends/acquantances that it wouldn't bother me to be invited without FI - coworkers and a club I'm a part of it. If you don't hang out socially outside of those situations, I can see why you wouldn't be invited as a social unit.

For the record, I'm not saying it's okay to do that, I'm just stating how *I* would feel. And it did happen to me - FI wasn't invited to a teammate's wedding. I was planning to attend without him anyway.

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

missax said:

crunchymamaof2 said:

MsFelzOrtiz said:

I have my guest list almost finalized. I am trying hard to limit my guests to 150. I have a strict budget because my fiance and I are paying everything ourselves. I know exactly what family members and friends to invite. There are a quite a few co-workers I would like to invite (some of whom are married). Is it rude for me to invite just my coworkers and not include their significant others?

1. You can't invite a person without their SO. It doesn't matter if they're married or have only been together a week. If they consider themselves to be in a relationship then they're a package deal.

2. Almost everyone has a budget regardless of who's paying. S an adult you should be paying for your wedding anyway, unless someone decides to offer help. This is one of the tougher parts of wedding planning.

3. If you can only afford to host 150 properly than I would invite a little less than that. To avoid sucky situations give every truly single guest a plus one when you create your guest list. That way if they enter a relationship when invites go out their new so is already accounted for. And if they're not then that saves you some money.

1. If they've only been together a week on the day of the wedding then I am going to assume that invites went out well before the relationship started and while it would be a nice gesture to extend an invite, it is not required.

2. uuuhhh ok?

3. You absolutely do not need to give every truly single guest a plus one.

1. If they've been identifying as a couple even just a week prior to invites being sent then yes, they need to be invited together. The point was that it doesn't matter how long the couple has been together; they must be invited together.

2. Hearing "we're paying for things ourselves" as an excuse or reason for wanting to do things rudely or just to explain why your guest list is a certain number gets old. Almost everyone has a budget and can be proper hosts within that budget. It doesn't matter who is signing the checks.

3. @maggie0829 explained what I meant perfectly. By doing so you'll be covered if any of those truly singles starts a relationship before invites are sent thus avoiding sucky situations (like aunt Mary being hurt her boyfriend of 2 months isn't invited or not having room for him)

Was my post really that hard to understand? Because your reply makes you sound like you're being snotty for the sake of being snotty.

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

ashleyep said:

hanjoy said:

Yes it is rude. Think about how you'd feel being invited to a wedding where your FI was not welcome.

I know this isn't entirely relevant, and I would never invite my coworkers without their SOs, but there are two groups of friends/acquantances that it wouldn't bother me to be invited without FI - coworkers and a club I'm a part of it. If you don't hang out socially outside of those situations, I can see why you wouldn't be invited as a social unit.

For the record, I'm not saying it's okay to do that, I'm just stating how *I* would feel. And it did happen to me - FI wasn't invited to a teammate's wedding. I was planning to attend without him anyway.

If you don't hang out socially, these people should not be invited to your wedding.

To the OP, you would really not invite someone's SPOUSE to a ceremony and celebration for you and your new SPOUSE. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

twitterbird · April 2014

Because of this issue I'm limiting the number of invited coworkers. Right now I have one and her husband. I'm on the fence about 2 others and their respective spouses.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

As someone who's been dealing with this at work, my advice is to exclude your co-workers from your guest list unless you absolutely plan their BF/GF, spouse, FI, etc. If you choose to be rude and invite them alone anyway, please don't hold it against them if they decline.

They are co-workers, and if you choose to engage with them outside of the workplace in a social manner, then treat them as you would friends.

moonpowder · April 2014

It's all about context. If you always see your coworkers without their spouse in and out of work I would venture and ask them how they feel about it. Something like ''Yeah, I wish I could invite you, but with all the plus one it won't work.'' See the overall impression and work with it.

However, if you see sometime the spouses. You can't really dodge them, imagine at the next happy hour or Christmas party... Akward!

But in all cases honesty and talking about it is the key, you just can't assume somebody else feeling.

mseminerio84 · April 2014

I think it is only fair to give them a plus one. I spend 50 hours a week with my boss, who I love and I couldn't imagine not inviting her but in the end she doesn't know my family and friends. I feel if I invite her husband she'll actually have a fun night. Turn the tables and think how you would feel. Your in a room full of strangers, without your spouse, the chances of you actually having fun are cut in half.

mlwattsy · April 2014

A book that might help you is miss manners guide to a surprisingly dignified wedding. It addresses this issue.

Wedding Ettiquette- who to invite?

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