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Inviting Some Kids But Not All Kids?

theexactleetheexactlee member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Uh Oh. I'm sure you've heard it before...We are having an intimate vow renewal (I should probably put that in my signature so I don't have to keep typing it) and we are keeping the guest list at 60 people. 
We have two sons who will be 7 and 10 at the time who are standing up as my husbands groomsmen (except it isn't a wedding so we aren't sure what to call them). 
Originally we had meant to invite our friends and their children and then when we sat down and made the list, the kids ate our list and we could only invite about 10 of our friends and then our family. That wasn't going to work. 
So then we thought, maybe we'd only invite the children of the attendants (yes this is our faux pas we are having our sons and brother and sister and 2 best friends stand up with us to share in our special day to signify how they helped us make it through 10 years) and the daughter of my one friends who is traveling in for the celebration. Well my mother says this is very rude and will stir up trouble. 
However if start to invite all my friends and their kids the guest list goes over 100 people and that is a really cut down guest list leaving a lot of people out that would expect to be invited and I would want to be there. 
So is this acceptable? I've talked to two friends who both said they would love a night out alone but not sure everyone would feel that way. I'm learning here so would just love to see what you have to say.
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Re: Inviting Some Kids But Not All Kids?

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    tcnobletcnoble member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Like PP said... inviting in circles should be clear to avoid any messy situations.. because what if Aunt A shows up with her kids and Aunt B wants to know why hers weren't invited? Some people might not actually bring their kids, but it's a courtesy to give them the option to bring them or not, in this case that you ARE okay with inviting the children. Don't assume anybody "wants" to leave their children home.

    So maybe look at your circles of family/invites and see where you can very clearly invite children without there being blurred lines.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm in the camp of people who says you can invite only some children as long as you invite in clear circles: your kids; your nieces/nephews; OOT guests' kids; nursing infants; whatever. 

    I think when you start inviting some kids but not others when it's the same degree of relationships (i.e., your nieces but not your husband's nieces; your Aunt Jane's kids but not your Aunt Susie's kids; whatever) you run the risk of having people get offended. 

    No one has has any right to be offended if the B/G invite their own kids and no other kids. 

    In your case, I'd invite your kids (obvs), and the kids of the WP, I think you're fine.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I am in the camp that kids are no different than any other category of guests.  You don't invite all your coworkers, all your neighbors, or all your church family.  You don't have to invite all or none, or in circles.

    NOW...that doesn't mean that parents won't get their panties in a wad because Sugar Buns wasn't invited and others were.  They are the ones being rude but that doesn't mean there won't be fallout because you didn't invite in circles.

    That being said, I am finishing DD's invitations today and she and her FI did choose to invite children in circles.  Only nieces/nephews, children of the wedding party, and out to first cousins.  There is one invititation I know is going to cause a stink, but I don't care.  An old friend of hers is going to receive an invitation that is only for her and her DH, not her 2 kids.  If she comes to the wedding and sees the other children, she is going to be pissed.  Too bad.  They are not inviting children of their friends.  

    The cutoff for DD and her FI was anyone outside of what was listed.  We would have had a monstrous guest list and I am thrilled with their choice.

    I personally am willing to put up with the fallout of inviting some kids and not others.  I will invite children with whom I have a relationship, not those I don't even know.  It isn't an etiquette no-no to invite some kids and not others, but it most likely will cause fallout among entitled parents.
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    starbright2013starbright2013 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs. I think the easiest way to decide (and the easiest way to defend any decisions later) is inviting in circles. All your kids, all your nieces and nephews, all your WP's kids is perfectly fine and easily understood. If you take that route, the only people who might be offended that their children were excluded are the people who were going to be offended by some choice or another anyway. 
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