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Money (gift) giving when it's a party not the wedding or reception?

theexactleetheexactlee member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My girlfriends are getting married in the state they live in because it is legal there (New Hampshire and they are from Florida). They are only inviting immediate family to the wedding and having dinner afterward, not a formal reception. So they are coming home to Florida where we all live and having a party. It's also not a formal reception, just a get together at a fun diner and the entire family is invited. Finger foods and dessert to be provided, cash bar. They are registered for a honeymoon. What is an appropriate amount of money for this type of unique situation?
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Re: Money (gift) giving when it's a party not the wedding or reception?

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    theexactlee said:
    My girlfriends are getting married in the state they live in because it is legal there (New Hampshire and they are from Florida). They are only inviting immediate family to the wedding and having dinner afterward, not a formal reception. So they are coming home to Florida where we all live and having a party. It's also not a formal reception, just a get together at a fun diner and the entire family is invited. Finger foods and dessert to be provided, cash bar. They are registered for a honeymoon. What is an appropriate amount of money for this type of unique situation?

    You give your friends whatever you want to give them. Why is this even a question?
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  • theexactleetheexactlee member
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    Well it is good you mentioned that, because today someone said you are supposed to base your gift off of what people have spent to entertain you at a wedding. I wasn't sure of that was still done. I simply choose something off of someone's registry that I like and is a good fit for that person. 
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    theexactlee said:
    Well it is good you mentioned that, because today someone said you are supposed to base your gift off of what people have spent to entertain you at a wedding. I wasn't sure of that was still done. I simply choose something off of someone's registry that I like and is a good fit for that person. 
    No, you never have to do this. How on earth would you know how much they spent unless you called the venue/caterer? :)

    I base my gift on how well I know the person and how much I can comfortably afford at the time. If they don't think that's "enough", then they aren't a very nice person.
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    Yeah, give your friends a gift for their marriage, based on what you can afford and what you want to give. There are no other guidelines.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • theexactleetheexactlee member
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    Thanks ladies! I'd just never experienced a party like this that wasn't the wedding or the reception so I thought I'd ask.
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    I won't lie, I give less dependent on a few things. If I'm paying for my drinks and know ahead of time, I might give less. To me it's like we can afford $100 per wedding and if we need to pay for our own drinks we deduct $25 to pay for it. Maybe that makes me an asshole. For this situation, I feel like I would give less since it's just a party and not a wedding.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    theexactlee said:
    Thanks ladies! I'd just never experienced a party like this that wasn't the wedding or the reception so I thought I'd ask.
    I agree with PP. You base it on what you would give. Personally, I don't give because of the wedding, I give to help them start their lives together. The gift amount/size is based on how close I am to the couple and my finances at the moment, never based on what type of wedding/reception is held. 

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  • theexactleetheexactlee member
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    I don't think that makes you an asshole at all. That is just one more thing I was talking to someone about today. We were talking about the $$$ Dance and whether or not that money is considered part of "the gift".
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    theexactlee said:
    Well it is good you mentioned that, because today someone said you are supposed to base your gift off of what people have spent to entertain you at a wedding. I wasn't sure of that was still done. I simply choose something off of someone's registry that I like and is a good fit for that person. 
    They were wrong.  Gifts should be given a) because you want to, and b) based on how much you feel comfortable spending.



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